SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The best I have right now is I’m so sorry that happened to you. The medical profession is chock full of potentially inappropriate situations. At least today someone could lose their license for that kind of thing. Sounds a bit like she is using fear to scare you away from talking. I get that reaction sometimes. if it would scare the hurt away I wouldn’t mind it so much. But all it really does is scare you back into the stalemate situation. Anyway…hope you share more of your story? hope it helps. it certainly can’t hurt

Mr. Kite asks:

Btw what kind of screwed-up individual has sex with another man and then comes home to her baby and her husband, kisses them and acts like everything's fine and normal? It's monstrous!

Indeed it is monstrous. I’m sorry you find yourself on this particular thread. It’s like a whole new level of Hell. Like you, I "know" how I would have reacted in "real time" during the affairs. When you are older and many years have passed and you are financially intertwined, things become complicated to say the least.

Your quote above resonates with me. "How could you do this" and "who the fuck ARE you" scream at me. Being cheated on is bad enough but the level of heinous behavior included pushes it over the top. If you read this thread you have seen some of the heinous things that make my WW’s deeds and behavior even more deplorable. What kind of screwed up individual:

- cheats within a year of getting married

- has intercourse with other men while pregnant with BOTH kids

- has sex with an acquaintance while out of state training for a new job while BH is home with a 2 1/2 year old and 6 month old

- has sex with men in our house while the kids are sleeping in another room

- stops to screw her AP in his tow truck parked in a commuter lot once a week for 18 months then comes home and kisses her husband and kids and acts like everything is OK

And that’s not even ALL of it. Who does this? Immoral soulless husks……aka my wife.

[This message edited by ImaChump at 7:42 PM, Tuesday, August 15th]

But all it really does is scare you back into the stalemate situation.

It's more like being frozen in place or stuck due to low self-esteem. For many years it's seemed like we're one argument away from blowing the whole thing up, then by the next morning we're back to the same-old, same old as if nothing had happened the night before. It's sick. A couple of months ago she screamed at me "Get out, get out, get out!!!" Should have taken her up on the offer but I just sat there and did nothing. This is what happens when someone is so mentally and emotionally damaged that they can no longer respond appropriately.

Who does this, immoral soulless husks……aka my wife.

I could have dealt with WW having a one-night stand due to drunkenness but she was 40 at the time, clean and sober and fully aware of what she was doing, and still called a year and a half A a "mistake." Even worse instead of doing everything possible to help me, she did and continues to to do the opposite with passive-aggressive behavior and open contempt. Sometimes I get the feeling that she's the version of the Apostle Paul's "thorn in the flesh." Three times he asked to have it removed but was told "my grace is sufficient for you."

Thanks to Mr. Kite and Imma.

Similar situation, found out 2019, about an 18yr old affair my WW had. OBS called.
Many details, not relevant. My question is, if all this suffering is worth it?
4.5yrs of trying R, and still feel like Mr Kite.

Wouldn't it be best to call it quits? why are we even doing this?
Everything my WW says, is very hard to believe, she lied to me for years, why would it be any different now?

Any WS that can chime in? (not sure they visit this forum)
Why back then was exciting, worth it over and over, and now all of the sudden is not, is horrible, and all those things they say? It just doesn't make sense.

If I liked chocolate as a 5 yr old, I still like chocolate and enjoy it as a 40yr old.

Thanks.

Why back then was exciting, worth it over and over, and now all of the sudden is not, is horrible, and all those things they say? It just doesn't make sense.

I assume that it was exciting while it was clandestine, and now feels horrible because reality has come home to roost.

DL…
first i’m so sorry for your pain. i know how hard it is to find a path that will allow you some peace. i also know how difficult it is to believe a word out of the WS’s mouth. There are certain things my WS says that -even if they are true—are virtually impossible for me to believe. But, I agree with Sister on this. It was all great fun until you have to face what it did to the people around you.

Couple examples…

I had a job offer last week. I was given a chance to asl the future director some questions before I decided, this was after months of interviews. We had an amazing conversation, I was so impressed and after the hour long call i was really enthused. I told my family I finally felt really happy and I couldn’t believe how well the director and I got along. I texted to accept and three minutes later they told me the offer was rescinded. obviously it was something i said. The call that I was so happy and energized about, the lady I thought was so nice and ingratiating….not so much. Now I kinda want to throw up when I think about that call. Same call…new context. anyway i’m over all that, on to new jobs.

Next example…

For the seven years during which husband lied and said it was never physical. He could talk about it fairly seamlessly. He was embarrassed but I could tell that he was at least neutral when he had memories of his actions. Bad but not so bad. After telling me last summer that he had left out 40 - 50 or so physically intimate hookups (mostly lovely little office kisses) the whole is different. Since seeing the sheer destruction he has unleashed he can barely speak without looking like he’s gonna vomit. He has cried more in some months than our entire marriage. in fact i’m not sure he had ever cried. he looks revolted. Do I trust his words-no way. But I do think the change of context has completely changed how he feels about the events. Almost to the point that i think it may distort how he thinks he felt then. he absolutely loathes the woman now so when he tries to tell me how he felt about her then I can tell it’s almost impossible for him to honestly remember his real feelings. He says he had no feelings. I highly doubt that but is it hard for him to really remember his fond feeling? probably yes.

anyway,,, you have to believe what you believe. but i am feeling like soul sister does