I haven't read the previous post, but I can answer the question.
I compared myself to every woman my H "liked" more than me. The last one, I didn't have to compare myself, he did it for me.
His were EA's, but the last one was all encompassing. I had to dress, cook, act, pray, parent, decorate and listen to him with adoring eyes like she did. Or he wouldn't be pleased with me. He was never pleased with me.
Trouble was, I was already comparing myself to every other woman my H interacts with and finding myself deficient. His criticisms and comparisons only added fuel to the fire.
He didn't have to sleep with these women for me to feel less than. I already knew that, in his mind and mine, I was.
ETA: now that I've looked through the previous posts, we are both coming to see that H was attracted to the fantasy of the "pretty picture" these women offered from the outside- the cleaned up for company version of themselves. He is realizing that the last EA, she was behaving seductively toward him, intentionally or not. He understands that I am a straightforward person and not very seductive. He's not there yet with really seeing and understanding on a gut level that most people advertise themselves, they don't really give you the true experience up front.
My healing has taken several years and a TON of IC. I also chose to have an A and had to heal from that as well. While I can't say that I'm objectively better than any of the other women H was attracted to, I can say that I am more real to him than any of them ever were or ever will be. That was my growth.
His... he still needs to make peace with being "stuck" with me and not having the "perfect woman" that he feels he deserves. He's still in the "unmet needs" place in our M some days.
I know for me, giving up on the idea of the "perfect" person who would love me just as I am "perfectly" was a difficult thing to give up on and was one of the character flaws that led to my A. It took a lot of work to know that I had to love ME and I was responsible for how I felt about ME. That H's opinion of me had to be 2nd to my opinion of me.
Long way of saying, I hope you can find that place of peace and know that you can love yourself so well that whether or not your H shares that same love becomes irrelevant. Then the comparisons between yourself and the "competition" will stop.
[This message edited by MIgander at 6:03 PM, Tuesday, March 14th]