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Newest Member: Jskw458

New Beginnings :
Change is awesome!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 5:19 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

I bought my first piece of nice 'big girl' furniture years before xwh and I got together - it is a platform bed and a nice dresser. When we moved into my current house, "we" decided to buy a new bedroom set. It is pretty, but just has bad juju on it (xwh and ap had their lil slumber party on that bed). Plus it's way oversized and very masculine and dark. Also the bed is not a platform bed and I prefer not fuckin around with boxsprings and such.

I decided months ago that I wanted to get rid of the new set and go back to my old one that belonged to just me - one because I prefer the true platform and two I really don't need two king size bed sets (and don't want to move crosscountry with more crap than necessary) and last cus I am reclaiming ME dammit. I painted the old bed my favorite shade of green (coincidentally a shade xwh haaaated LOL) and bought new hardware for it and refinished the dresser too. They are both very 'me' now. Welp today I finally FINALLY had the mover guys come to help me swap everything around and OH EM GEEEEEE it's amazing!! My bedroom feels so bright and cheerful and so much bigger. I didn't realize how oppressed I really felt with that other set until it was out of there.

Ellie is a happy girl today!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8775823
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:45 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

Yay!!! I have a totally feminine bedroom— not flowers and doilies, but silk curtains, chandelier, lux bedspread all in taupe, light purple and antique gold. I LOVE it. My XWH would have never let me do this. A good place is a safe space— and this is my ultimate safe space.

So happy for you!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6024   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8775845
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:00 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

That's awesome Ellie!!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3595   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8775863
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 1:39 AM on Friday, February 3rd, 2023

Sounds fantastic!

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3476   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8775875
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risingtide ( member #54148) posted at 1:53 AM on Friday, February 3rd, 2023

Well done! XWH took the big king sized bed, which was fine with me. It was too big. I started using the bed that had been in the guest room at a former house, and which until then had been residing in the shed. I had that bed until last summer when I splurged on a beautiful, high quality, albeit pricy new bed just for me. I love it, and I plan to have it for the duration.

Me - BS, 57 Him - XWH, 70. Married 15 years, no kids. My first marriage, his second. DD#1 July 2016, DD#2 June 2018, D final 09/18/18.

posts: 130   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2016   ·   location: Southwest
id 8775879
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BlackRaven ( member #74607) posted at 3:54 PM on Friday, February 3rd, 2023

EllieKMAS

You go girl. I have also wanted to change my bedroom set but seem stuck in inertia since I also don't know if I want to stay in the house. So thank you for reminding me that I don't have to do everything all at once.

posts: 381   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2020
id 8776037
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messyleslie ( member #58177) posted at 1:47 AM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

Good for you. I hope you get a nice smile before you turn out of your light each night before bed.

I still live in the house I bought with my ex. It was 100% the right choice to stay here in terms of finances and kids but so much of the stuff had bad memories associated with it.

I painted my bedroom pink and made all new wall hangings and expanded my clothes to fit into his closet space too and it makes me so happy when I look around. It feels like something else I have reclaimed.

posts: 294   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8776155
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:57 AM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

Ellie this is so great! As I read your post, I looked over at my chest of drawers. The same chest of drawers STBX slammed me into with the butt of his hand. I remember the sound it made when it bounced off the wall. It's still in my room in MY new house. My entire bedroom set is Ethan Allen... Not cheap. It was my dream set. But I see STBX every time I look at it.

Once I get my finances in order post divorce, and pay for necessary house repairs, that chest of drawers, and the matching nightstands, might need to go. Same with the armoire where STBX used to keep his clothes, The armoire with the shelf that I tucked "how to help your spouse heal" into ... Which I highlighted for him like an idiot, and STBX never read.

One of the best days since I moved into my house 5 years ago was just a few months ago when I got rid of the two giant sofas STBX picked out at the beginning of our marriage. I hated them since the day we bought them. I replaced them with 2 bright pale blue sleek minimalist sofas with bright white sparkly throw pillows. The entire house feels brighter.

Reading the other responses, I see that changing things out really does help brighten our minds and lift the mental space up.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4516   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8776157
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 3:29 AM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

Bleep if you can't afford new furniture you should think about chalk painting. I found a chalk paint additive that you can add to any latex paint and it's awesome. I've redone several pieces and it's amazing how much a coat of paint can breathe new life into a piece of furniture. Bonus points if it's a color your ex would definitely not like laugh

Some of my pics below...

This was just plain dark brown. I chalk painted, added stain glass window film to the glass doors (backlit with led strip lights). The flower medallion I found at target and it fit perfect. Total cost of all the stuff I needed for this project was around $150.


This was also plain dark brown. Total cost of upgrade materials (paint, new hardware, and peel and stick wallpaper) was about $115.


This one was also dark brown (I had a thing for blah brown when my x was around). Total cost of pretties (paint, additive, new drawer pulls) was around $50.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8776162
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:15 AM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

So beautiful. Great work!

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3476   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8776164
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:34 PM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

That's incredible! I absolutely love the bright green!! I'm going to keep this in mind. I still love the style of my pieces. They are classic and timeless, but yeah, the blah country brown... That's definitely got to go.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4516   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8776179
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 5:59 PM on Saturday, February 4th, 2023

If you decide to go the chalk paint route pm me and I can give you some tips Bleep smile

I am artistic and weird so I love taking classic pieces and painting them in unexpected colors... Yes even antiques!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8776209
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taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 9:08 PM on Friday, February 10th, 2023

I just love what you did and how you made it feel like you. Congrats on sloughing off the reminders.

I changed out a bunch of artwork.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!

posts: 407   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 8777176
Topic is Sleeping.
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