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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread Part 5

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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 5:22 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

^LOL.

I keep thinking about Sir Eric. Will Tallgirl land herself a knight? How tall is he? Does he come with a suit of armor?

Tallgirl's toe-dipping into OLD made me giggle (sorry Tall!)

posts: 621   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8800040
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 11:29 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

Tallgirl - hey there! Sending you all the tall vibes. I hope you find a 6'3" dude who knocks your tall socks off - physically and metaphorically.

leafields - OMG - I haven't logged on in a while, did so today and found this! You rock. And put a huge smile on my face.

TheEnd - I so read your post in the style of Rod Roddy when he singed off the old sitcom SOAP.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3802   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8800089
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:43 AM on Friday, July 21st, 2023

That is ok End. I am sure the experiences are just getting started. Watch here for future entertainment coming soon.

One guy who seems nice actually, said in his profile that he would like to meet an intelligent woman. While I may not qualify, I at least know how to spell the word soulmate properly. I wondered if he was looking for matching shoes when he said he was looking for his SOLEmate.

It is hard as anything for me not to tell him he doesn’t know how to spell. So far I’ve refrained. I’m not sure how much longer I can last. Lol.


I still have an aversion to anyone who talks about kisses and cuddling, and looking for their one, and only, or their soulmate. I throw up in my mouth for a little each time I read that. How awful am I ? my goodness

Standing tall

posts: 2224   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8800251
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fhtshop ( new member #83337) posted at 8:20 PM on Friday, July 28th, 2023

BW only.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:17 PM, Saturday, July 29th]

posts: 34   ·   registered: May. 12th, 2023   ·   location: New Zealand
id 8801414
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:05 PM on Monday, August 7th, 2023

Oh ladies where are you?

So I wanted to share my first dating experience after two years. I fully reverted to a newbie.

Had a panic attack, went into a full menopausal hot flash, dripping with sweat. Had to change twice, hair was glued to my head, it looked like I just walked out of the shower. This was after drying my hair. I put make up on but I couldn’t keep my face dry.

Texted my girlfriend and said I was having a breakdown and wanted to quit dating before I started. I was serious. I ignored her recommendation to breathe, and kept stressing.

I started walking to the bus, after missing two, praying I wouldn’t miss another. It was hot and humid. My hair couldn’t get worse. I had 4 bounty paper towels with me. Barely enough.

Then things got better. My son came home early. Drove me to my date location, I was 20 minutes early, so I had time to sit in the AC. Thankfully, I checked my make up. Quite the mess, I looked like I was powder puffed then sprayed in the face. So I removed most of that mess. Had an iced coffee.

He arrived and my hair had mostly dried, and by then I let go of any thought I might look nice. So we had a nice convo, went for a walk, and he dropped me at home.

So, I did it.

And I survived.

Phew.

Standing tall

posts: 2224   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8803581
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cedarwoods ( member #82760) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, August 7th, 2023

Tallgirl
Good for you!!! So happy for you. How did it feel to go on a date?
I wish you an amazing journey to empowering yourself!

BTW I love your style of writing. It has so much with and humor.

posts: 211   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2023   ·   location: USA
id 8803599
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 6:23 PM on Monday, August 7th, 2023

Thanks Cedarwoods. Very kind of you to say.

The date itself was fine. We had a normal conversation, I’d say I talked less than he did. I realize I really am a new person for dating. I didn’t know what to do after a while whether we should stay in the coffee shop or go for a walk. I didn’t know how to call the date to an end. Overall, It was OK. I guess I just need some practice. Next time, two changes of clothes, just in case I have another full on hot flash.

I really don’t know if there’s rules for dating, but I just really was trying to be myself. And I was I had myself a panic attack, a hot flash, a nervous tummy, and eventually a cup of coffee. At least, my eye didn’t twitch, I was grateful. Been there before.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 10:12 AM, Tuesday, August 8th]

Standing tall

posts: 2224   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8803607
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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 1:32 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2023

You did it Tallgirl!

Your humor comes shining through in these moments. When you can unleash that part of you on a date they are going to fall at your feet.

It's such a big move on your part and for many women in your sitch. So cool that you did it. I hope you keep going b/c I feel like once you get the jitters under control and the real you starts to emerge it's going to be awesome.

Have fun!

posts: 621   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8803958
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:12 PM on Saturday, August 12th, 2023

So ladies the output of my first date was successful therapy. For him.

I kind of think SI had a lot to do with it. In the end with my help, he realized that he was not ready to date. He appreciated my intuition, insights, honesty and support. He thought I could be a therapist.

He was so nice about it and complimentary, how could I be upset?

You know what. He didn’t even buy my coffee because I was so early and hot (not the pretty kind) I bought my own. So it was totally free therapy.

So the evil untrustful Tallgirl on my shoulder with her devil horns says, ah, clever man, great approach to saying, I am out.

What if this is my secret power. I will be single forever. 😉

Standing tall

posts: 2224   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8804200
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 5:23 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

So the evil untrustful Tallgirl on my shoulder with her devil horns says, ah, clever man, great approach to saying, I am out.

I think the "evil untrustful Tallgirl" may be there for awhile. But she may also have to get used to being wrong from time to time! wink

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2359   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8809542
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P0ppy ( new member #82913) posted at 2:45 AM on Thursday, October 5th, 2023

Hi

Does anyone have stories they can share about having children after betrayal?

I have a 3yo and my WH had an OC with his AP who is now 6 months. I desperately want another child and we were trying for a second when I found out about the affair at at that time pregnancy (he had ended it well before he knew she was pregnant). I am about to turn 37 and I feel devastated that my son may be an only child and after suffering badly in pregnancy and postpartum with depression that might be my only experience with that.

I guess I'm just looking for some hope and positive stories as i navigate this mess and try to decide on a path forward.

posts: 20   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2023
id 8810573
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 6:05 PM on Thursday, October 5th, 2023

Hi Poppy,

I can't speak to the OC aspect of all this, but both my children were born after my husband's A. I was actually pregnant with my first within the first year after D-day. shocked I know... i know..... I did actually understand what kind of risk I was making getting pregnant during such a tumultuous time, but we had been trying to get pregnant for the better part of a year prior to D-day without success and I was already worried that my age coupled with this, might mean that this was my only chance. I spent a lot of my pregnancy trying to make sure that me and my baby would be okay if things didn't work and I decided I would be okay. I didn't NEED my husband but I did want.

My eldest was a tough TOUGH baby and I definitely struggled a bit after she was born, but I am convinced that it was situational rather than chemical (having a newborn that screams all the time, and wont let you put her down EVER, not even to sleep would be a challenge for anyone). I do remember at times wondering if her intense temperament might be related to all the emotional turmoil I was experiencing during her gestational period. She's 5 now and remains intense but in all the best sort of ways (she is like 10/10 enthusiastic, confident, outspoken, and smart). Our youngest is 3. I could not be more grateful for them and for the life that we have built.

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8810624
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P0ppy ( new member #82913) posted at 4:20 AM on Monday, October 9th, 2023

Thank you Emergent8 that is really helpful. I am in a similar position in that I have been making sure I am ok either way and I kind of think that the difference between coparenting one and two if it didn't work out wouldn't be that different.

I appreciate your honest response and I'm glad things have worked out for you!

posts: 20   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2023
id 8811019
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:50 AM on Tuesday, October 10th, 2023

ThisIsSoLonely.

I haven’t been wrong yet. Bummer.

I am however I am truly a magnet for 74 year olds. It is a little out of my age range. I really dont think it will work for me. And they are sweet men. Sigh.

I will share one harrowing experience. I call him bird boy. One man wanted a good night kiss, came at me with his mouth in an O shape, and his tongue out, and it was moving.

It was not night Nightmare in the Arboretum but I was pretty shocked. Who does that?

He looked like a baby bird. Image is still burned into my retinas. And He was married for 30 years. Why on earth his ex wife didn’t fix that, I can’t understand.

Standing tall

posts: 2224   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8811100
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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 3:27 PM on Wednesday, October 11th, 2023

Good Lord! The bird mouth image is cracking me up and grossing me out at the same time.

Maybe that's why he's single.

posts: 621   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8811235
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:55 AM on Friday, November 24th, 2023

Hi Goddesses! I was thinking of you today and figured I’d pop in on this Thanksgiving and tell you that I’m thankful for you. Things are the same for me, working too much.

The usual

Hope you’re all well

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2199   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8816103
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DifficultDays ( new member #84417) posted at 8:09 PM on Monday, January 29th, 2024

I am trying desperately to figure out how to forgive and get right in my own head and not think that I caused betrayal. I keep trying to force change and obviously that doesn't work. I pray but I hace zero patience. What do others do?? I feel so used and ugly. sad

G3tt1ngR34l

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jan. 29th, 2024   ·   location: MD
id 8822893
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 10:02 PM on Monday, January 29th, 2024

Hi Difficult - I'm sorry you're struggling. What do you mean by forcing change?

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8822911
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:42 PM on Monday, January 29th, 2024

Hi Difficult - Why don't you post in JFO (Just Found Out)? It's helpful to know how long you were married, if there are children and how long ago you found out about the infidelity.

Welcome to SI and I'm so sorry that you're here. The JFO forum has some pinned posts and bullseye posts that you might find helpful. Also, the Healing Library has some great information and includes the list of acronyms we use.

You did not cause the betrayal. Your WS (Wayward spouse) had a ton of choices, such as talking to you, divorcing you, staying away from people that weren't friends of your marriage, etc. Instead, he decided to cheat. And believe me, it was a decision and not a mistake.

My self-esteem took a nose-dive after dday. It was something I had to work on to get back my self-confidence. It can be done, but mine took therapy. If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist may be helpful.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3547   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8822922
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Tealchicken ( new member #84096) posted at 12:02 AM on Thursday, March 7th, 2024

Hi all - any tips for regaining self confidence and body image after being cheated on? What worked for you, how long did it take?

I'm struggling.... The OW was 11 years younger, incredibly beautiful with a smoking hot body.

I know I need to stop comparing myself. I'm really trying to focus on gratitude but it's hard. There's parts of my body I've never really liked but felt okay knowing my spouse loved me and found me attractive. I had confidence. Not so much now. I see all my flaws.

I see other situations where the AP is less attractive and that comes with its own confusion, but when the AP is more attractive, how do you not feel like less than?

posts: 27   ·   registered: Nov. 6th, 2023
id 8827596
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