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Edit Thank you all for your input. I think you're right, the more I think about it, it seems most likely that OW created the account and sent these messages to herself both to break NC and to make me look crazy and manipulative. You can't just message people on LinkedIn unless you have a paid account or are connected to the person. The connection to my workplace is just all too coincidental. That coupled with her telling WBF he should confess to the ONS all feels very... connected. I even mentioned this during MC and told the MC I felt like a crazy person spouting conspiracy theories. He just kind of, gave a knowing smile and said he didn't think I was crazy and that this behavior wasn't outside the realm of what he had seen with AP's and infidelity. Thank you all for your input and support.

First and foremost, I have made no attempts to contact xOW in any capacity (phone, email, social, etc.).

WBF's xOW is the employee of a client of his. He doesn't work with her daily, but does have to work with her on certain projects; she lives 3,000 miles away from us. Today, while we were talking, WBF told me he wanted to ask me something but he was very uncomfortable about the whole thing. I finally got him to share and he asked me if I was sending xOW articles via LinkedIn about cheating. I was taken aback and told him absolutely not, and opened my LinkedIn on my phone to show him. He said that it was from a weird account with no picture, an odd name, and my current work place (I work for a VERY LARGE company that is a household name). I told him I absolutely would never do that, especially not on LinkedIn and then opened my gmail to start showing him I have no other LinkedIn accounts. He told me it wasn't necessary that he believed me. He said he thought it was just a bot.

This is really bugging me. WBF said xOW sent him screenshots, so I don't think she's making it up. I use LinkedIn extensively and I know you can't just message random people without a paid account. Something about this doesn't feel right... but could it just be a weird coincidence?

Edit for Clarity: They are not fully NC because xOW works for one of WBF's clients. She is the primary point person on several of his projects with them. They cannot be fully NC for this reason.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:26 AM, Friday, October 7th]

Funny how she believed it is you. It may be some other random BS that is sending it.

😂 karma

Did he show you the screenshots?

OWs make up stories to portray themselves as victims to the WHs and manipulate the situation even more and show the married lover that he is indeed married to a crazy wife.

In my case ow told my WH post dday that my brother called and threatened her, that I was calling her and hanging up (guess who was actually doing that to me?) and that my best friend X called and told her to step away from my marriage and that she felt "oh so threatened" by me, my friends and my family.

I had no clue of this until dday2 (when WH confessed to me he actually kept in contact with her as "friends" as he felt responsible for her pain 🙄).

Anyway WH believed her (because he was her KISA and she was such a vulnerable little lamb in need of his protection) until she actually in conversation with WH called my best friend by her birth certificate name, but she NEVER uses that except on social media. Think a situation similar to Elizabeth/Liz. Ow said someone called Elizabeth called her and introduced herself as Elizabeth and said blah blah. My friend never ever used her full name hence when she said that WH started having doubts it was true. What she did was go on Facebook and see interactions on my pictures from my friend "Elizabeth" (not real name) and decided she must call herself that in real life too.

My brother had his own issues at the time and he in effect had no clue who the ow was, her name or her phone number. In fact I was quite upset that my brother didn’t actually care about my pain, any details of it, he was so badly focused on himself only.

I never called ow except on dday 2 for WH to tell her the game is over and that I know all the details of their deceit and the affair so she has no power left.

Bottom line, when I heard that on dday2 I asked both my brother and my best friend to provide their detailed monthly phone bills for the previous 4 months since dday1, I including mine and my work phone and made WH go through them in search of ow’s number.

Needless to say there was no trace of it which made WH feel like a complete idiot believing everything a bunny boiler said (she went much further than these lies by the way once everything was out in the open to the point where I installed cameras and called the police on her as she was becoming really threatening).

ETA: the above post sounds like I’m blaming OW for all the fallout, I am not, I am just blaming her for her actions. WH got his fair share of “you brought a crazy person into our lives, WTF were you thinking about?” I don’t think there was one incident she created where I didn’t blow up at him for bringing this nutter into our lives. Just wanted to clarify that in case it may appear I’m saying poor WH was some innocent party. He wasn’t. Without his actions she wouldn’t have been in my life.

[This message edited by Luna10 at 9:59 AM, Thursday, October 6th]

Funny how she believed it is you. It may be some other random BS that is sending it.

😂 karma

My bet is that she created that fake account on LinkedIn, messaged herself and showed the WH to make it credible.

Sounds like an OW excuse to keep up contact. Maybe OW or WBF is doing this to cause more friction in your relationship. Are you able to see their previous emails and current emails to each other? I am sure LinkedIn can look into and provide IP address info.

[This message edited by Prettyflawed at 11:59 AM, Thursday, October 6th]

I also vote that she is sending messages to herself and using it as an excuse to:
-contact your WBF
-make you look sneaky vengeful
-make herself look "attacked"
-drive a wedge of suspicion between you and WBF

Evidence: who would make up a fake account, an odd name...and then use YOUR actual company name? Answer: OW because she needed it to look sneaky, while also linking it "plausibly" to you.

How is she contacting your WBF? Why is she not blocked?

Her actions allowed her to break NC and converse with him.

I'm sure that was her goal. I would NOT put is past her to be doing it herself either.

Another vote that she sent them to herself.

She invented an excuse to break NC. She is still trying to worm back in. NC needs to be made very clear to both of them.

Why does OW still have access to your WBF? Why hasn't he blocked her?

To answer the question about why xOW and WBF are still in contact, they work together on several big projects. She is the point person for his client on these. There is no way for them to be fully NC.

In terms of *could* LinkedIn look up this information via IP address? The answer is yes. However, as someone who works in Tech, companies don't do this for random messages. They do it for serious threats or court orders.

I honestly hadn't thought that it could be xOW. Obviously, I wasn't there, but from what WBF told me right after their ONS, they both regretted it and wanted nothing to do with one another other than work. He told me adamantly that xOW didn't want a relationship with him; he didn't even spin the old wayward classic "she pursued me!" But who knows.

If it was ONS and not EA / PA then it is probably some other BS trolling her.

It's very obvious what's happening here.

She created the fake name,sent herself the articles,and is blaming you. She is trying to paint herself as a victim, and get him upset with you.

All that aside..he can find a new job. So he can absolutely go NC. It's a predictable consequence of his affair.

As to her being a person he "has to talk to" at work..maybe. But this wasn't work related. So it's clear they are still discussing personal matters.

And his explanation of the affairs was clearly bullshit. Otherwise she wouldn't have pulled this crap about LinkedIn. There's more to it. After all,cheaters lie.

Honestly, it sounds like the affair was way more involved than he's said,and it sounds as if it's still ongoing. Conventional wisdom here says as long as they work together, the affair continues. That they are discussing personal matters is proof of that.

I'd make him finding a new job a requirement for you to even consider R.

Is she married? Does her husband know?

[This message edited by HellFire at 3:18 PM, Thursday, October 6th]

An alternative to a new job for your H is for him to come clean with his management and get them to take him off the project(s) or to get the client to take her off the projects. Coming clean has risks, but that's just a natural consequence of cheating.

Another alternative is for him to say: We can maintain communication about the project and nothing else. I will not respond at all to any non-project-related communication.

OTOH, working on himself to change from cheater to good partner will be easier if he gets a new job.

Actions have consequences.

An alternative to a new job for your H is for him to come clean with his management and get them to take him off the project(s) or to get the client to take her off the projects. Coming clean has risks, but that's just a natural consequence of cheating.

This.

That’s what happened in our case. I told WH on dday2 that I’ve had it so if he wants to remain married he needs to come clean to higher management to ensure they never have any reason whatsoever to be in touch (she was later made redundant so she left the company). WH obliged. Later on things escalated and they ended up with an HR investigation initiated by WH.

I don’t care about all these "but it’s embarrassing, I could lose my job" excuses. If the job was that important they shouldn’t have taken a shit on their doorstep.

HurtBS,

So there’s this- who cares if you DID send her articles on infidelity via whatever means?!! That’s your perogative entirely! Why do you feel the need to prove to her or your WS that you didn’t?! Who gives a shit! In your position, how you react to their poor choices is entirely up to you.They don’t get to dictate how you react or feel or anything. Oh poor little OW is upset she’s getting mail on the topic of being a skank? Suck it up Nancy…consequences are a bitch.

Who does SHE think she is contacting your husband with her ‘cry me a River’ bullshit?

Shame on him for responding…and for being available to her in any way shape or form…extra shame on him for allowing her to continue with her crap. Haven’t they both hurt you enough? What’s her point? She feels ok with contacting YOUR husband in regards to YOU? Noooo way. Shame on them both!

If anyone needs a clue by four upside the head here, it’s your WH. This woman has no business involving herself in your marriage any further. But she can…so she will…and she is.

Your H needs to learn about boundaries and loyalty to his wife. The OW needs to learn how to f right off.

Go ahead and send her a steaming pile of dog shit if you want. She’d still have no business contacting your H about it. And don’t waste your time giving a second thought to poor little AP. FWIW, your husband certainly shouldn’t either.

I truly don't mean to pile on, but something else occurred to me about your backstory with this OW as I turned this over in my head today.

You've described your long term BF (that is now the wayward in this situation) as handsome and, recently, very successful again. This OW (albeit a one night stand) slept with him knowing he was in a longterm, committed relationship...and then urged him to tell you.

Is this OW quite calculating??

Urge him to tell you to blow up your relationship?
Say she isn't interested in a relationship to throw him/you off?
Now send mean articles to herself to whine to him about and accuse you of sending?

I could be WAY off base...but I'd watch my back with this OW.

Hi Breaking Bad. Yes, I started thinking the same thing. This feels quite manipulative; very "game-playing."

Still, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It's WBF's actions that matter.

My bet is that she created that fake account on LinkedIn, messaged herself and showed the WH to make it credible.

^^^^THIS^^^^10000xTHIS^^^^