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Newest Member: Stark

Just Found Out :
Married for 13 years, together for 17. It's over but I'm still angry

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Browsing41 ( new member #72237) posted at 4:31 AM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

[This message edited by Browsing41 at 3:10 AM, Friday, September 23rd]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2019
id 8756305
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Browsing41 ( new member #72237) posted at 4:33 AM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

[This message edited by Browsing41 at 3:11 AM, Friday, September 23rd]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2019
id 8756306
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 10:37 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

For someone trying to not make the OP feel worse the wording above is IMHO unnecessarily cruel and demeaning. SI is a direct site, and we are dealing with hard issues, but there is a world of difference from telling someone that their wife is cheating or telling them they are cuckolds. Especially considering the connection of that word to the fetish where men get sexual gratification from having their wives with other men.
I encourage posters to take care in how things are worded. Suggesting stories are fabricated or that the poster has some fetish is not the way to go.
Just saying…

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10946   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8756444
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papoula ( member #39079) posted at 3:16 AM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

I always ask myself what is ok in a friendship between and man a woman.

I always thought my whole life I was a very jealous person because I would never feel comfortable with my partner having a super close friendship with a female friend. I always thought that was maybe an issue I had because I've been cheated before and that kind of created a certain type of trauma and insecurity. I would never feel comfortable or ok with partner going to have drinks with a female coworker alone, ir going to her house to hang out alone or even much less than that like exchanging texts. Always thought I was crazy but then I read your story and I think I might not be so crazy.

[This message edited by papoula at 3:17 AM, Monday, September 26th]

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 157   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8757042
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 3:44 AM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

I'm sorry you are here. My opinion may differ from others but WHY should you give her (HIM) your home? It sounds as if she can't really afford it anyway. He wants your Wife, your LIFE, you kids and your HOME. I'm sure he wants your pool too. Sell the house and divide the cash. YOU buy another home for you and your children. This creep of an OM doesn't deserve your home - or any 'rewards.'

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3287   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8757045
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sven ( new member #80286) posted at 3:53 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

Man, your story is hard to read, as the AP did sneak into your family like a snake and actually did achieve his goal at the end. He and your wife are horrible people. Sorry.

I always wonder about those kinds of people, there morals, upbringing and their inner monologue. It's like a different language to me.

They have been playing you hard. No sex since he came into your life, sneaking into your family, your kids probably know him pretty well and are used to him (which probably was your wife's plan from the get go, to make the kids get used to him).
But how is it that you let a man look after your kids you hasn't kids on his own, how did you wife make you do that, allow him get so close?

I do think your wife took advantage of you being on the spectrum. Happened to me as well.

Aren't you worried that he is going to be a bigger part in your kid’s life?

For the peace of your mind, you should have tried to find some evidence of the affair (her phone for instance or a pi). There is always evidence.

Contrary to what you say I don't think he is a predator, whatever that means.
She is not the "victim" of a predator. She is a grown human being with agency. She made her choice.

But good for you that you put your foot down at the end! That’s a hard thing to do, proud of you brother!


I wouldn't tell the kids; you have no proof and they are too young! But I would the family and friends know; problem is you have no evidence. But you could describe the past 1,5 years to them and tell them: "you just wait, she is going to end up with him".

posts: 4   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2022
id 8757087
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 4:31 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

It doesn't matter that she can arrange shady financing elsewhere. If you or her want the house sold it will have to be sold. Personally I agree with JeannieGirl in that I would push for that. It's not good for the kids to have her overextended to the point where banks think she is a bad risk. She may be counting on AP, but APs have a common habit of disappearing when they get to carry the full spouse role.

posts: 1314   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8757091
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