I too am a narc/socio survivor, and so far, I'm not seeing ANY of those tendencies in him. So if he is one, he's VERY skilled at it. Plus, if he ever does start to pull that kind of crap, he'll be out the door before he knows what hit him. I've learned how to deal with that personality disorder - surely and strongly - so they have no doubt that victimization is just NOT your game.
I'm simply just the kind of woman he's always wanted, but didn't think he could land.
I do look good for me, and only me. Hell, I dug through my PJ drawer to find that cute black pair of sleep shorts tonight, and the only one here to admire my butt was my dog. (She's so over these shorts and did not look impressed. I swear, if a dog can roll its eyes, it's my dog.)
All that said, I am appreciative of the fact that he's appreciative of my wardrobe. Of course I don't share with him the fact that I do it for me and not him. That'd take the fun out of it.
If I worry about anything with him, it's that he's much more conservative and old-fashioned than I am. I run a house where the rules are "if you eat, you cook, if you wear clothes, you do laundry, and if you live in the house, you help clean that house." I blow away his traditional views on men as breadwinners and women as the keepers of the home. I out-earn him, and have a more technical job than he does.
This weekend, we cooked together on Saturday and Sunday nights. On Monday, he made banana bread while I worked. He seems to be OK with me running the house and him doing his fair share of the execution of my plan. THAT is perfectly fine with me, as, having single-handedly run the household for years, it's nice to still be in charge, and to FINALLY have some good help!
He lives in an apartment without in-unit washers and dryers, so I told him to bring his laundry down each weekend and do it here. Whenever he does laundry, he throws in any dirty laundry I have too, and we fold it together. Although I do fold his work shirts, but only because I can get the collars to lay right, and when he does it, they always curl up. He watched me fold them this weekend, and I showed him how I get them to lay right, and he tried, but he still messed them up. He may be playing dumb there, but I'm letting him get away with it (for now).
ETA: It just occurred to me that he may be feeling what I felt for a while when we first met. I really thought "this guy was going to make me bring my A game to this relationship." And I don't mean that with any connotation that this relationship involves any kind of game playing. I mean that I was going to have to be sure to bring my best self to it. And I have. No laziness or tardiness, no wallowing in obsessive self-doubt, no withholding to avoid being vulnerable, no projecting, nothing but my genuine self. He may be working to overcome some of his traditional beliefs that didn't fairly value both people as equally important individuals sharing a life together. Hmmmm....
[This message edited by Solarchick at 6:30 AM, Wednesday, September 21st]