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Crazy xWS and other fun stuff

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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 5:01 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

I'm going to post this one in general. My xWS is one crazy in the head mofo and I can't wait for his karma to get him. He almost ruined my new beginning with my new bf. He saw my bf's car out front and then went home to grill our kids if I had a boyfriend. Like it's any of his business. My daughter never gives up info but my son did. My ex then threatens to do another drive by and come and confront my boyfriend shocked luckily my daughter gave me the heads up so my boyfriend could move his car. I did see the ex drive by, but this caused a little bit of friction in my new relationship. This crap just never ends with a narcissist. I thought my bf was going to break up with me but luckily is still standing by my side and let me know that we will get through this together. I'm thinking of selling the house (it's in both my xWS name and mine) so that there are no more issues going forward. Having to share kids with this kind of a monster sure makes things difficult.

What else can I do? How do I get away from this monster for good? I can't get a restraining order because he hasn't threatened me. I do have him blocked on everything except email and boy did he email after that incident. Still trying to get me back laugh which is just so WTF shocked

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748401
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 5:10 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

Your bf could go down to the police station and ask if it's possible for him to get a restraining order if exWS made threats against him and your DS is willing to attest to that. That would protect you when bf is with you.

posts: 5144   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8748402
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 6:29 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

That is a great idea nekonamida I'm just not sure my son would be willing to do that knowing how my ex acts.

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748411
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 6:39 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

I hate that mentality. He didn’t want to be married - so you D. He also doesn’t want you to move on and have a new person in your life.

I’d say maybe sell the house. Start fresh.

So sorry for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12308   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8748415
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 6:43 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

He could be dangerous. You don’t want to get a narcissist to feel like they’re painted into a corner or they come out swinging with a knife or a gun. I think moving might be the smartest thing. Don’t engage him in anything that makes him feel like he’s going to lose because he cannot stand the thought. Narcissists can be very dangerous as you know from what goes on in the news. You and your boyfriend need to just move on from there into someplace else. Sell the house, get out.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8748417
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BraveSirRobin ( Guide #69242) posted at 6:49 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

Reach out to your local domestic violence program to see what legal resources they have available. They're quite familiar with "if I can't have her, no one can" stalkers and may be able to help you with how to document offenses.

WW/BW

posts: 2835   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8748419
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 10:21 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

Your Ex doesn’t want to lose his "control". He thinks he’s running things and a new bf wasn’t his idea.

Sell the house and make distance from this controlling, abusive man.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1637   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8748462
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:48 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

I'm so sorry you have this to deal with. He has put you through so much!!! That drive by, stalking behavior is concerning. Contacting your local domestic violence program and maybe even the police is a good idea. Please stay safe.

I hope you have some good security cameras in place and a stun gun and pepper spray.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2865   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8748466
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 11:55 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

Wow, CBS - so sorry you have to put up with that. No suggestions. The only ones I could think of would land you on an episode of Snapped. laugh

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1239   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8748474
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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 4:03 AM on Saturday, August 6th, 2022

Are you all actually divorced yet?

posts: 206   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8748491
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 7:16 AM on Saturday, August 6th, 2022

In the process right now but we have been legally separated for 3 years and I’ve been mostly no contact.

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748500
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 1:05 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2022

Make sure in the finalization of the divorce you are allowed to sell the house without agreement from him.

You dont want anything that financially ties you to this idiot in the long term.

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3438   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8748514
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 2:27 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2022

Interrogating your kids about your dating life and making threats at your boyfriend through your son is abuse. He is triangulating them and giving them unnecessary stress and anxiety. In my opinion, a man like your STBX cannot be trusted with her unsupervised visits and with your children.

You need to make sure you document this incident and discuss it with your lawyer. My fear is that his behavior is only going to escalate as you get nearer and nearer to finalizing your divorce.

If your ex ever has the chutzpah to threaten your bf directly, report it to the police. I don’t recommend reporting this incident involving your son, simply because I’m afraid it will put your son in a horrible position of having "getting dad in trouble" and your STBX will take it out on him.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 844   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8748521
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 5:12 PM on Monday, August 8th, 2022

Within just one week my ex has managed to upset me by returning my daughter to me super late on her birthday (I'm supposed to get my kids by 8 that evening not 11) so I couldn't celebrate it with her. It's ok because we celebrated the next day and had a blast and now he is back to emailing me pages professing his love and how he knows I still love him and know he is a good person deep down inside shocked ummm what?!?! Talking about how he knows we will be together later and enjoying our grandchildren shocked I mean this guy is totally delusional. My last contact specifically said that I am 100% done, I have no feelings for him, I am going forward with the divorce and any additional contact I would pursue an order of harassment. WTF

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748699
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 7:35 PM on Monday, August 8th, 2022

But how could you let a sexy, magnificent piece of male flesh wrapped up in all his gorgeousness go? barf

He is some kind of special. Do you think he's crossed the line and you need to get an order of harassment?

He sure is hoovering hard. Glad you see him for what he is. Don't go bananas, CBS.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1239   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8748721
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 7:59 PM on Monday, August 8th, 2022

Since he has been diagnosed as NPD you have to use entirely different ways of dealing with him. True narcissists can be dangerous. There are experts who are scared of them.
I think you need more info than us to guide you. Start looking for books, we sites etc that are focused on this.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8748723
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 9:49 PM on Monday, August 8th, 2022

Do you think he's crossed the line and you need to get an order of harassment?

Absolutely I am doing this next appointment I have with my lawyer.

Cooley2here I am on a few Narcissistic Abuse support networks and they help tremendously. I am starting to feel anxious and scared that he is never going to leave me alone. If I didn't have kids tied to him I would have moved across the state (I still feel like doing this). It's a very unsettled feeling that I have.

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748736
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