For all of you pondering divorce from an NPD, let me tell you they are not going to change.
A couple of comments.
I have heard elsewhere... and from my therapist... that narcissists are not treatable because they literally think that they are right and the rest of the world is wrong. This is a subtle but important distinction between someone who is a narcissist versus someone who has a borderline personality disorder, for example. (my therapist specializes in DBT... which is effective for people with borderline personality disorders, apparently).
During my custody evaluation, I was asking if I thought my ex-WW had mental health problems, what those mental health problems were, and how long they had existed. I told her that I thought that my ex-WW had a personality disorder and that she had had it for as long as I had known her.
I am not sure if my ex-WW is borderline or narcissistic or what... but there is definitely something wrong about her.
Get out of the abuse.
THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS!!
I was so miserable with my ex-WW that I didn't even know it. I can only see this now that I am away from her.
It is not about you.
Also, true but with a HUGE caveat.
So many people in this thread have mentioned that their ex-partner has continued the same pattern with their new partner. This is true of me too. I know my ex-WW was seeing at least 4 different guys in April-June 2019 whereas her boyfriend says that he has been in a relationship since October 2018.
The part that is about you? Why are you susceptible to narcissists? You need to ask that question because that question is about YOU.
Do you just not understand how narcissists tend to love bomb and hoover? If so, then you can be taught to recognize the pattern and establish your boundaries accordingly.
In contrast, my mother is a narcissist. And even though I do not like my mother, her personality is comfortable for me and I seek out people with her personality. I have literally ended relationships with people because they were not mean to me the way that my mother was mean to me. I struggled a lot with this during my current relationship... but I have gotten past it to a certain degree. In my case, I didn't feel like I am someone worth of love, affection, and kindness. It was my job to serve, to be kind, to love, but I didn't require it in return.
It's a different world when you have someone looking out for you and your behalf, rather than someone trying to shove you down so that they can feel better about themselves.
I left my narc 2 years ago and was the best decision I have made in my entire life.
I was so stupid that I didn't leave my narc. She decided to end our marriage... which was the nicest thing that she ever did for me. Ironically, she's exceptionally angry at me because I rather quickly capitulated to her wish to get divorced.
And, finally, here is a recommendation for all of you who want to seek revenge on your narc ex. The best revenge is to live well. And I don't mean that figuratively. My ex-WW is so angry that I have moved on. It's obvious and it's puzzling, but that's a narcissist for you.