I can somewhat relate to this gainingclosure. Although my WW’s PA wasn’t "love", I did read some of the messages between the two of them. Made me sick. My WW was at the time, dealing with a lot and felt her AP was being a good friend and listened to her. Objectively, he just wanted a piece of ass, nothing more. My WW felt they were good friends that just happened to screw.
My dday was me snooping on her tablet while she was at work (AP was a coworker and superior, in some respects).
I found an e-mail from her to him that left no possibility of misinterpretation.
The one thing that really stung was a message she sent to her AP, after they slept together and he went "cold".
She went on and on about what a kind, great person he was, and how she didn’t want to be a burden in his life (he went cold after getting what he wanted). After he did this, she went off work due to mental health issues and I think when she reached out to him, he wasn’t nice or kind anymore, he didn’t want to have to deal with her mental health issues.
As I was reading this e-mail, I was confused as I had no context. I was wondering why my WW was mentioning all these thoughts and feelings to someone I didn’t think my WW was close to.
The one line that changed my life was "I’m sorry the sex wasn’t good, all I wanted was to pleasure you, as you sure pleasured me!"
I knew at that moment that my WW had cheated on me with this guy but my mind couldn’t comprehend it. I read it over and over again but I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
Then I searched more and found a video clip sent to the AP by my WW that said "the best I could do" with heart emoji’s……I knew what I would see when I opened it. At that moment, the reality of the situation hit me. It was a surreal few hours after discovery. I wasn’t able to sit still. I had to keep moving, doing dishes, cleaning up, anything I could do, I did. I just wasn’t able to come to terms with it.
I remember walking into my son’s room (9 years old at the time), he was playing on his bed, he looked up at me when I came into the room and smiled at me and said "Hi Dad!. I just sat next to him and hugged him and could barely contain my emotions.
I will never forget that day and how I felt. When my WW came home, she knew something was up. When leaving work, she called me and I simply said "get home now", she of course wanted to pry and figure out what was up as this was totally out of character for me. I repeated what I said and hung up. After dday, she admitted that she knew I had found out.
When she finally admitted she had cheated on me (she also admitted to a ONS prior to marriage), it was like all the air in the room was sucked out. To this day, I can’t adequately describe how I felt. It was likely a panic attack.
This one moment completely changed my life and forever changed how I felt about my WW. We can never go back to how I thought things were between us. I thought we were special, both committed to each other. Completely wrong, and this has changed who I am forever.
I just wanted to chime in and say I can relate and feel your pain.