Is there a difference between being hungry?
And just thinking you are hungry?
Some of us don't think so, so we overeat and develop huge problems because of it. But others of us know there is a difference, and we know our fake hunger is caused by boredom, dehydration, fatigue, or some other issue.
But that fake hunger is exactly the mindset of a cheater, thinking they are feeling something and lacking the insight to understand otherwise.
Some here will say that the fake feelings and real feelings are the same thing--they feel it. While others will ask, "Is having a false feeling the same as having the real feeling?"
Well, I certainly do not believe thinking I am hungry and actually being hungry are the same at all--now that I am wiser on the subject. None of us would ever want anyone to have false feelings about us vs real feelings, so I think we have to objectively admit that they are not the same. They just are not. Real hunger, real love and commitment, don't disappear with a glass of water or a 10-minute wait. Real love like real hunger is intense and lasts, although it may lessen or strengthen over time.
In therapy they teach you the necessary psychological tool of reframing. We all live a life of interpretation through our filters. We can't help it. Everything we experience gets put through our belief system before we can interpret what we think and feel. However, we can and should look at our filters. Are they healthy? Are they causing us unnecessary pain? Are they amplifying faults and minimizing strengths?
I have a friend at work who takes every last thing that people do personally. He had a lot of trauma growing up and has never processed any of it, so he wears a very toxic filter of shame. The other morning I had not slept well and was not ready to face the day. He walked by me as I momentarily talked to someone that I felt forced to talk to, so a minute later I leaned into his office and said, "Sorry, I am just not in a good mood today." His face dropped. The info went into his filter, and he somehow took my bad mood as him not being good enough to talk to (while the other random coworker was). He asked, "Why?" And I got even a little more testy and said, "I'm just not" which actually caused me to distance myself a bit. I was being honest and asking for a morning to get my head together, but his filter was making this about him for some reason.
His filter angered me like it has many times in the 25 years I've been friends with him because it causes problems when there are none. His interpretations leave him in an almost constant ball of shame and self-pity. So reframing is a good thing! It's healthy! It's a kindness we do for ourselves as we navigate this life because our filters are not always showing us the truth--they are simply our interpretation of truth, and they need to be fixed!
All of this long and winding explanation leads to my opinion on your ww's "No natter what happens I love you" is that:
It was false hunger.
She feels real hunger for you, and they are not the same thing.
You need to fix your filter in IC for your own benefit and sanity.
Just my thoughts on your situation. Best wishes to you. This is tough emotional stuff.
[This message edited by OwningItNow at 9:21 AM, Saturday, May 14th]