I apologize for mentioning an affair,
Unnecessary. One way to use SI is to do exactly what you did and are doing - be honest and open about your thoughts and get feedback. Most, if not all of us, would be surprised by a BS who DIDN'T think of an RA as a possible solution.
Is there a something that she could do that tells me she really is? More sex?
I think that the only indicator of true remorse is consistent loving behavior over a long period - think in terms of years, not weeks or months. As you say, 'if she’s truly sorry, her better and changed behaviors need to be maintained, meaning she really means it, verifying that she is remorseful.'
I think if I need more of something out of our relationship it needs to be stated now. Or I need to move on.
Yes and no. The sooner you define what you want from your WS and what you're willing to give to her, the better. But it's not one and done. As time progresses, you change and your W will change. Your wants and needs will change. When they do, your best bet is to renegotiate your M.
Also, sometimes one thinks they want something, but when they get it, they find it doesn't give the payoff they thought they'd get. That's a time for renegotiation, too.
I do believe very strongly that you need to figure out what you want from your WS now and ask for it. If she agrees to give that to you, you can progress together. If she doesn't agree, it's time to split. If she agrees but doesn't deliver, it's probably time to split.
She needs to change from cheater to good partner, and she needs to tell you how she's going to do that. Just saying words is not enough. If she's just saying words without taking concrete steps to change, it's probably time to split - white knuckling is not reliable, and words without action are downright unreliable.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:02 PM, Wednesday, May 18th]