Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: izMAnmLqwM2y5yMBJKA

Divorce/Separation :
I finally signed my Matrimonial Settlement Agreement!

smile1

 Mari104 (original poster member #63422) posted at 9:08 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

So I did this thing today......it was liberating, yet sad....exciting, yet scary. I finally signed my Matrimonial Settlement Agreement. It has been a LONG time since this process has started and I must say......I am incredibly proud of myself for fighting as hard as I did for my children. For always putting them first, no matter what and no matter who. For never allowing what their father did directly to me or my emotions as a whole get in the way of doing what is best for my babies. I am getting emotional just writing this. DD1 was October 14, 2017.....I still can't believe how much has changed since then. How much I have changed since then. For anyone that does not see the light at the end of the tunnel. For those that think it is not possible to find peace within this process....just know it is possible!!!! It is possible to walk away from infidelity and build a life you deserve....even if it from the ground up.In many ways, I am excited for my future. I am excited to live a life that is full of healthy relationships, genuine and loving people....and raise my children in a way that they deserve to be raised.

I got alimony, I got child support, I got 50% of his 401K, I got 50% of the proceeds of our home and was able to buy a new home for my children and I. I got 100% of overnights with both my children. (Something he did not even fight me on.) I was able to pay off my car, so I can save as much as possible. He will need to get a life insurance policy to cover the alimony and child support.....the list goes on and on. Am I still a bit sad? Yes, absolutely. I had a vision of raising my children with their father and us living a happy life together. I had a vision of my children having a "family". I had a vision of us building an amazing legacy together. But that all changed when he decided to betray me in the worst possible way over and over and over again. So now my vision has changed. I am at peace with this change.

One hour after I sent the MSA to his attorney, he sends me a text message:

"I just heard from my attorney. Thank you for signing the MSA. I would like to co-parent as best as possible and not bicker over things. At the end of the day we have two wonderful children to care for. I believe we can do a great job knowing we will always have our differences. We just have to find the way to respect one another through the process" barf

Huh?????? rolleyes I swear my STBWXH has 2 personalities. All of the sudden, he wants to talk about co-parenting and respect. laugh Yet, just last month, he goes on a business trip and doesn’t communicate with either the children or I for TWO weeks. TWO WEEKS! crying How does a father go TWO weeks without knowing anything about his kids???? And this is not the first time he has done this. Anyone that has followed my story knows how selfish he has been and how much he has hurt my kids. Screw him. Now he wants to talk about respect????? Really???? Where was his respect for me as the mother of his kids when he planned an entire move-out in 2018 and didn’t have the respect to tell me and prepare my babies for coming home to their father now being there???? mad Or when he last left, after making endless promises to my kids and literally abandoning them emotionally so he can go focus on his mistress???? mad How do I even respond to his text message???? Such a load of crap. I lost all respect for him and he has done nothing to regain it, so he can take his phony ass words elsewhere. I am going to just sit here and celebrate my victory today of knowing that in the end, I walk out of this with my head held high. smile

[This message edited by Mari104 at 11:09 PM, Friday, April 29th]

posts: 160   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2018
id 8732781
default

Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 9:33 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

Congrats, Mari! I wish nothing but good fortune for you going forward grin

As for his message, no response is the best response. Best to keep any needed communication restricted to the kids. He can shove it up his ass.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8732798
default

nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 10:38 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

Congrats Mari, you go girl!

posts: 243   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8732805
default

DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 11:26 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

Congratulations!! You are well on your way to FREEDOM and happiness!

Me: BW mid 50’s
Him: WH late 50’s
Marrried 25 years
Dday: EA 2002
PA 9/2021
Divorce 10/2021 (per wh’s request)
WH left to be with AP

posts: 217   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8732812
default

fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 11:51 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

Congrats Mari! I have followed your journey from almost the beginning. Your children are so lucky to have you. You have been so steadfast and caring for their well-being first and foremost. Best of luck to you moving forward. Give yourself a break. Ignore his words. Practice no contact and gray rock when he tries to engage with you. He will not be able to stand being irrelevant to you and the kids. Follow the terms of the agreement. You will reach indifference. Good luck and peace to you.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3123   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8732817
default

ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 1:30 AM on Saturday, April 30th, 2022

You've done a remarkable job for yourself and for your kids. Be proud of how focused and resilient you've been. This is no small thing. You've basically climbed Mr. Everest blindfolded in emotional terms because everything you've done has been done while the person you were supposed to be able to trust with your whole being betrayed and tortured you. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished. grin

"I just heard from my attorney. Thank you for signing the MSA. I would like to co-parent as best as possible and not bicker over things. At the end of the day we have two wonderful children to care for. I believe we can do a great job knowing we will always have our differences. We just have to find the way to respect one another through the process"

Yeah... no. barf "Barf" is the correct response to that. I think you'd be smart to treat this one with crickets, but once the ink is dry on your final decree, I'd wait until the next time he coughed up some insincere emotional hairball like that one and tell him to go fuck himself. Seriously He should be struck in the ass with a bolt of lightning for even bringing up the topic of mutual respect after all the bullshit he's pulled. One good verbal backhand ought to teach him to keep his face-flap buttoned in your presence. Just make sure the kiddies don't overhear it. wink

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5429   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8732831
default

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:19 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2022

Congratulations!! Well done! I see such a beautiful future ahead for you!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8733000
default

EnPedasos ( new member #79857) posted at 10:52 PM on Sunday, May 1st, 2022

Congratulations

TWO WEEKS! crying How does a father go TWO weeks without knowing anything about his kids??

I wondered the same thing. I realized that is because they know that the kids are in the best hands possible and that their BS would do anything and everything to keep them safe.

He’s right. 💁🏻‍♀️

I have to worry every time he takes my son to his toxic mother’s home. barf

Dd was 12/15/21. Me BS 43Him WH 43
20 years 14M 18DD 8DS

You can ignore reality but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides." –André Malraux

posts: 31   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2022
id 8733064
default

FuturewasStolen ( member #74119) posted at 12:36 AM on Monday, May 2nd, 2022

Thank you for posting this! I am at the very beginning of the divorce process and your post gives me hope. I wish you all the best!

Me: BW (33) Him: WH (34) Married 6 years Dday 1: 2/25/20 Affair for 1 year; Started R for real: 6/1/20 Three boys together: 5, 4, 2 Dday 2: 11/28/21 Affair for 6 months Don't know how many other girls he was "just talking to"

posts: 84   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8733074
default

BoundaryBuilder ( member #78439) posted at 6:12 PM on Monday, May 2nd, 2022

Well done! What you've accomplished is HUGE. Much respect. Onward and upward!

I swear my STBWXH has 2 personalities. All of the sudden, he wants to talk about co-parenting and respect.

He doesn't have two personalities. His sudden interest in co-parenting and respect is all about him. Which is nothing new. My take - his text is a harbinger of things to come - a kind of thinly veiled empty threat. If there's any conflict YOU will be the cause, not him. 'Cause he's all about getting along barf Here's a little humor (inspired by a comic device used in another infidelity support forum) to help you look at that ridiculous message and take it for what it is. And laugh. No response is the best response!! Kids and $$ only at your convenience. Gray rock is the way from now on.

I would like to co-parent.....

"I would like to" doesn't mean "I will". Gotcha! I would also like a Maserati. And world peace.

as best as possible.......

"As best as possible" for me is not saying much. I've set my co-parenting bar as LOW as possible.

.....and not bicker over things.

And if we do bicker it will be all your fault. Because this noble text proves how reasonable I am. Bicker? Moi? Never.

At the end of the day we have two wonderful children to care for.

At the end of the day, I must stay relevant. Your concern for the children is the only way I can still manipulate you. No fun anymore using AP to triangulate. She's old hat. Using the kids should push your buttons, and keep me central. Until the youngest turns 18 and you block my ass. Gonna work this angle as long as the law allows.

I believe we can do a great job knowing we will always have our differences.

I believe YOU will do a great job doing all the parenting. And if I don't like the job you're doing, you will hear about it. But only if it impacts ME. Vive la difference!

We just have to find the way to respect one another through the process.

THE way is MY way. Respect will flow in one direction - from you to me. I will "find the way" to NOT respect your boundaries at every opportunity. Like sending you this unnecessary, unwanted self-serving communication. Composing a respect filled follow-up text right now!

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 6:13 AM, Tuesday, May 3rd]

Married 32 years w/one adult daughter
ME:BW 63
HIM:WH 65
13 month texting EA with high school X who fished him on Facebook 43 years later
PA=15 days spread over final 3 months
D-Day=April 21, 2018
Reconciled

posts: 110   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2021
id 8733161
default

FuturewasStolen ( member #74119) posted at 4:16 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Omg BoundaryBuilder!! That translation was amazing!! I feel like that applied to a lot of what my own WH says and to hear it translated like that just blew my mind!! shocked smile

Me: BW (33) Him: WH (34) Married 6 years Dday 1: 2/25/20 Affair for 1 year; Started R for real: 6/1/20 Three boys together: 5, 4, 2 Dday 2: 11/28/21 Affair for 6 months Don't know how many other girls he was "just talking to"

posts: 84   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8733321
default

BoundaryBuilder ( member #78439) posted at 1:03 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

blush Thanks FWS laugh

Always happy to poke fun at jerk STBXs. Mari's STBX certainly deserves a good roasting. Mari, you will achieve indifference regarding this asshat. And that sweet day when your youngest turns 18 and you can block the X for good will be another fabulous day to savor! Cheers!

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 1:10 AM, Wednesday, May 4th]

Married 32 years w/one adult daughter
ME:BW 63
HIM:WH 65
13 month texting EA with high school X who fished him on Facebook 43 years later
PA=15 days spread over final 3 months
D-Day=April 21, 2018
Reconciled

posts: 110   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2021
id 8733455
default

Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:20 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Congratulations on the MSA.

As for responding to whatever story (lies) the estranged husband is peddling, I simply don't respond. My reason is that I will not change a single thing by responding. Not his actions. Not his opinions. Natha.

posts: 938   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8733467
default

Luna10 ( member #60888) posted at 10:37 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Congrats Mari, I’ve followed your story as our ddays were roughly at the same time. I’m really proud of what you’ve achieved, your story is one of the most shocking around here and your WH a complete jerk that lives in a parallel universe clearly.

As to his co-parenting text… ignore it if you can, your silence will say more than any reply.

BW - 38 at the time of the A
WH - 45 at the time of the A
Dday - 27/9/2017

posts: 1459   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Europe
id 8734312
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220428 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy