Morningglory, I wanted to reply when I first saw your post, but I didn't want to start your thread off on a cautionary note, so I thought I'd let others chime in with their good suggestions. But you may want to think about how doing this turned out for me, and figure out how to navigate the dating world with your requirements, considering there are people out there that might seem totally fine without having pre-marital sex (with you...) Read on for more....
In the mid-1990's, I was in my early 40's and about where you say you are regarding the men in my rear view mirror (I'd also been divorced since age 31 from a 12 year "marriage of convenience.") In the years after my divorce, the single life had just not been kind to me, shall we say. I was determined to try doing something different, to avoid getting the same predictable results: more heartbreak.
So, one change I made was to join a local dating service. It wasn't great, lots of 3 time losers, etc. but at least it was some going out and chatting kinds of dates. Then in my mailbox, along came a letter of interest from the dating service: a guy 7 years younger than I was, from another country, never married due to his military career and traveling jobs in the auto race business. Hmmmm....I agreed to meet him, but told him after our first date (very fancy dinner and dance) - when he wanted to stay at my house and get frisky - "I'm not interested in the bedroom bit with you." (I said it as gently as I could. I mean, I was really NOT attracted to him after only a few hours together, plus I knew where that route would have taken things.) He surprised me by telling me later on: "I decided even though you told me that, I liked the idea of having you for a friend..."
And that's how we began regularly dating; soon he wanted to join me when I'd get up Sunday morning to go to church. We started spending weekends together like pals, and had good times travelling together. I figured as long as he kept calling, I'd keep trying to see where it went. When I asked about his past sexual experience(s) he assured me he was totally unfamiliar with all that stuff, having "never had a girlfriend." Since he was morbidly obese and SHY, it never occurred to me he might have been blushing because he was lying, I just figured he must have been embarrassed to admit that to me, and I accepted his story.
Four long years later, I felt we were at a stalemate of some kind. I was ready to either get married again, and I felt he and I were a good team, or that I needed to break our very part-time platonic dating thing off so I could maybe find somebody who was ready to settle down again. At first he got cold feet when I told him this, and was hurt (I understood why). Then he surprised me again with a marriage proposal! We married 6 months later. I felt sure I knew him pretty well by then (even considering we had never lived together or even had sex together.)
So what's not to like, besides it took him 4 years to "commit?" Well, it turns out that all the time he'd been courting me, meeting all my family and church friends, and letting me get to know his work buddies and family over the phone (across the ocean), there was another side to his story that he was ultra careful to hide from EVERYBODY: he had always used prostitutes; lost his virginity to a prostitute. Sad. It would never have come out, either, had he not gone back to that lifestyle 4 years after we married.
Turned out he is a man who, all of his life, has been walled off from everybody, and most comfortable staying at some distance from messy things like family and marriage. Impossible to have seen this coming? I don't know the answer to that.
When we date, how can a woman avoid attracting men who are uncomfortable with true intimacy, when what we want is healthy intimacy, but just not pre-mature intimacy? Maybe I just got unlucky, but I cannot help but think there had to be a better way than what I did. Sorry if this is too long.
I wish you the success you deserve in this!