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Newest Member: ekit20

Off Topic :
Let's talk grandparenting!

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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 3:08 AM on Friday, July 1st, 2022

Thanks for sharing. I don't remember as much detail as you, except that it was really, really, really hard. D was sort of colicky, but once I eliminated dairy from my diet, she did so much better. By 8-9 months, I was able to reintroduce it without any issues. But I do remember a feeling of desperation of often not knowing what to do to calm her down. I do feel like I was more engaged.

I've totally noticed when she baby wears, she is a lot more connected to him; he loves it. And it gives me a break. Her Snow rental arrived tonight and at least for the first go 'round, it put him to sleep very quickly. H has just been a trooper during the whole experience. He's basically been taking the 10PM-2:30AM shift, when SIL comes down. H is the least anxious of the four or us, and I think that baby senses it and stays calm for him.

Honestly, I do have to say the biggest surprise for me has been the opportunity to relive those early experiences with my own two kids. It's like a maternal wave has been awakened in me that I didn't know I still had. But this time I have years of experience and wisdom.

It helps to read someone share that initial bonding was a struggle for them. I think your first grandchild will be a different story!!

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8742822
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 1:59 AM on Saturday, July 2nd, 2022

Well, dear baby had his tongue-tie snipped today at the ENT's office. He was basically OK, until it was time to eat. He went on a boob strike, and wasn't happy with a pacifier or bottle, so we deduced sucking was uncomfortable. I mean, really, how many more things can they possibly snip on a newborn boy???

Son-in-law called the pediatrician and got the dosage for some Tylenol, and he's been mostly asleep since getting it. Will have to see how he reacts when he wakes up hungry 馃槵.

The Snoo arrived yesterday and it seems to really help, well for the 24 hours they've had it. D also had a two-week follow-up with the OB, and he reassured her that what she's going through is completely normal, which made her feel better. We need to focus more on getting her food that she really enjoys to get her to eat more, and focus a bit more on self-care (scheduling a massage, or something similar).

I went to a nail salon today and got a deluxe pedicure and manicure. The salon also had the massage chairs to use during the pedicure. It was heaven!!

We're supposed to get thunderstorms tonight and tomorrow, which will also be heaven for me. I do miss a good Midwestern thunderstorm (just not the tornadoes, which they really don't have to deal with here in MA).

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8743110
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 1:07 AM on Monday, July 11th, 2022

Well, I am thoroughly exhausted after arriving home from three weeks of being there. By the end of week 2, I was questioning our decision to stay an extra week. I just wanted to support D as much as possible because I don't know when we'll see them again. We did tentatively talk about returning in Sept. before she goes back to work.

So this is a new one on me - they got a night nurse for two nights just before we left, and will now have one five nights a week since our leaving. I got to meet her, and I sort of pictured a dodgy old single woman, but she is young, with a toddler of her own. She was sooooo supportive of D throughout the night as she is still attempting to establish a milk supply for grandson. D was able to sleep better (her doc also prescribed a med that she can take while breastfeeding, but it doesn't affect the milk supply - in the histamine family) knowing the baby was being well looked after while she was sleeping. The night nurse also had some ideas for establishing a bedtime routine, even now.

My back is desperate for getting back to my normal work-out routine, Pilates and massage. I realized earlier last week that, when I was holding the baby while standing (trying to soothe him), I was allowing my shoulders to roll forward, instead of keeping my shoulder blades back. When we got home yesterday, while in my kitchen, looking for a knife, I went toward one of our corner drawers, which is where D keeps hers in her house; but ours isn't in our corner drawer. I did it again today.

I miss the baby terribly, but realize I'd hit a wall as far as what I could continue to give physically and emotionally. Hopefully next time we see him, they will have a more regular routine.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8744139
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:28 PM on Monday, July 11th, 2022

My sister just arrived home yesterday after almost 2 full weeks w/ her D after her grandson's arrival. They had a few issues, and essentially spent the first week in the hospital except for about 12 hours, and they had to go right back.
He was tiny upon arrival, and she is struggling to produce enough milk, and because he has had bottles in the NICU, is not great at feeding, so she is pumping all the time. My DD got to go see him on Saturday, and she raves that he is absolutely perfect in every way, and sleeping a lot. I told her that's what newborns do. Sleep eat, poop, repeat.

Anyway my Grand arrives Wed at noon or so. Son's girlfriend is being sectioned. Despite the opportunity to Vbac she wasn't interested. So by Wed's afternoon I too will enter the ranks of grandparent. Can't wait. I just hope the baby is healthy, good sized, and all goes smoothly.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19614   路   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   路   location: St. Louis
id 8744166
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 2:27 AM on Thursday, July 14th, 2022

And? ... don't keep us in suspense!!

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8744601
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 7:09 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022

Induction today!

posts: 119   路   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   路   location: All up in my feelings
id 8744933
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 9:57 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022

@WTAF - I hope it goes smoothly. Is it an induction because she's overdue?

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8744955
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 10:45 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022

WTAF - I hope it goes smoothly. Is it an induction because she's overdue?

She is a little less than a week from her due date. She was concerned about a change in baby's movement and had a nagging feeling that they should go to the hospital. Her amniotic fluid has decreased. It sounds like it isn't currently low enough to be a big concern but doctor sees no benefit in waiting to see if it gets worse.

posts: 119   路   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   路   location: All up in my feelings
id 8744965
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:36 PM on Saturday, July 16th, 2022

@WTAF

Hope everything went well

We have our first Grandson due October 30th.

We have 2 Granddaughters 6 and 8 so they will have a little brother. Well they have informed us that they will not be helping with the baby. Because baby boys have a "hangy thing". They want nothing to do with it. I think I spit my drink across the room 馃ぃ馃ぃ

For context they only think baby boys have them because our daughter has done some baby sitting and changed some diapers in front of the girls.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8745035
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 9:16 PM on Sunday, July 17th, 2022

Ha! A little 'hangy thing'. That's hilarious. Well, other than some occasional babysitting jobs I did as a teenager, I never had to deal with a hangy thing, until our grandson was born. I guess 'hangy thing' is better than them referring to his junk, which I was also not prepared to deal with - diaper changes... you got to get up under that junk and make sure no poo has made its way up there.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8745181
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 5:22 PM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

She's here! And she's perfect.

posts: 119   路   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   路   location: All up in my feelings
id 8745265
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 5:45 PM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

Yay! Hope everything went OK! It's been a few days since we heard from you. I was starting to worry.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8745267
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 6:53 PM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

RE: money set aside for grandbabies
We did 2 things-opened a 529 plan in the baby's name with me as owner and Mom as co-owner. The money will belong to me but tax on dividends is tax-free if used for ANY kind of post HS training or college. If she doesn't go to college the money can be transferred to her siblings. If college doesn't happen for any of them, YOU retain the money but must pay taxes on them.

We also invested the maximum in Ibonds. They are currently earning ~10% and can never earn less than 0%. We put $5000 in 4 different bonds, retaining ownership. But Granddaughter 1 is beneficiary of one of the bonds, we will add other grandchildren to the remaining bonds if needed.

GET A TUSHBABY. It's a belt you wear with a little seat for the child. It greatly reduces the strain on your back. I got an off market brand which was a little cheaper but it works wonderfully.

Love all this news!

PS nine month old people are definitely the best entertainment on the planet.

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8516   路   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   路   location: In my head
id 8745278
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 5:40 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2022

Yay! Hope everything went OK! It's been a few days since we heard from you. I was starting to worry.

The hospital was super busy and full. It took a while to get a room and get things started. And then her labor was long as well. Baby arrived Sunday morning.

My heart is so full.

posts: 119   路   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   路   location: All up in my feelings
id 8745399
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:13 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

Congratulations, WTAF! Hope momma and baby are doing well.

posts: 11676   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   路   location: Northeast
id 8745649
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:18 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

Our first grandchild was born in October. She lives in FL, I'm currently in NJ. Have been down several times to visit, she's just a darling! Has been such a good baby, only cries when tired or hungry.

We are building a retirement home in FL, about two hours away from her. Will be completed in November.

We did a family reunion at Disney last month, and she was just a delight! Wish I knew how to post pictures! Flying back to Florida next week to spend a few days at their home and a few days at Disney again. grin

Of course, we wanted a healthy baby, but so delighted it's a girl because I have three sons, grew up with two brothers, and WH has a brother.

Having so much fun shopping for girl clothes!

Lionne, thanks for the information, we are trying to figure out what to do financially for our granddaughter.

[This message edited by annb at 3:19 PM, Thursday, July 21st]

posts: 11676   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   路   location: Northeast
id 8745650
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:46 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

Congrats WTAF !!!! It's the best isn't it?

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19614   路   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   路   location: St. Louis
id 8745661
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 9:05 PM on Tuesday, July 26th, 2022

How are all the grandparents doing (especially the brand new ones)?

I have to admit this transition in my life has come with a plethora of surprises that I was not prepared for. Yes, there's the pre-birth questioning I had about the belief that being a grandparent is the best thing that's ever happened to someone. When D was pregnant, that sentiment just didn't resonate with me. I was more focused on watching D experience pregnancy and the anticipation of having a baby.

But what has slowly emerged for me, after lots of reflection is, I had NO idea how this experience of having a newborn grandchild would lend itself to 'reliving' memories associated with my daughter's newborn phase, and feelings of my own period of being a newborn/baby. It has been both wonderful, and a bit of a curse. I finally made a connection that, when I held that newborn, it was giving me the opportunity to relive the moments of when D was an infant. I was seeing her through her son. It was sort of magical. But, it has also brought up feelings for me of my own birth. I was born with a cleft lip and palate - my newborn and infant stages were fraught with traumas. Feeding was a nightmare (with a dropper), and I had major three major surgeries by the time I was eighteen months. I know I picked up on my parent's anxieties with regard to the difficulties and pain. As a child and adult, they never talked to me about those surgeries - how it affected them. So I just grew up knowing there was something 'wrong' with me, but never had the words to define it until I was well into my school years and orthodontia became an issue. So I internalized that whatever was wrong with me was something to be ashamed of because my parents never spoke of it, as if they were ashamed. I was bullied in grade school, but never felt I could tell my parents about it. So there was just a lot of trauma. Anyway, I told D about my realization that holding the baby gave me a window to relive her being a baby, and she started crying and thanked me for sharing it with her.

Fast forward to my grandson... I know babies cry. But I think because there were so many instances of nothing being able to soothe me when I was an infant, I have a gut reaction to babies who aren't being soothed. I've always been quick to want to pick up babies and sway with them (I STILL sway when standing in line at a grocery store, etc., even when not holding a baby). Knowing someone is not doing everything in their power not to try to soothe a crying baby hits me at a core that is indescribable. And I know I have to let go of that because I can't carry/relive that trauma now. It's too emotionally draining.

Our D and SIL also set up their baby monitor/camera so we can watch him from 3000 miles away when he's sleeping in his bassinet. We're finding that, with the three-hour time difference, there just isn't a lot of opportunity to catch him when he's awake for FaceTime. So we can now at least watch him sleep. It's been so sweet, but there are times he's fussing, and those old feelings come up for me; so I've made myself limit how often I check in.

I guess I thought this grandparenting thing would be more cut and dry, but it's really not. Soooooo many feelings to deal with that I'd never seen coming!

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1086   路   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   路   location: Southern California
id 8747318
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 11:36 AM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

This isn鈥檛 a "new birth" story, but a grandma story just the same.

My granddaughter is four years old and has absolutely REFUSED to even consider potty training.

She is intelligent, and understands the whole process. She understands going to preschool is dependent upon it. She understands that "big girls" do it. But not only does she have no interest in it, she simply refuses to attempt the process.

Her mother is being very proactive and patient at the same time with her.

Anyway, last night I got a phone call from her mother. She said that my granddaughter just "clicked" today. That her mom once again started her off in the day with "panties" and that she had been gleefully running to the potty off and on all day. Most of the time after an accident, and never producing any urine for the potty, but at least being involved in the process. Go to the potty. Pull down panties. Wipe. Wash hands. She just skips the peeing part. Baby steps.

But then, she said when they jumped in the car to run an errand, that my granddaughter said to her, "Mommy I Peed in the potty!" So her mom said something like, "Great job trying, sweetie!" And then my granddaughter said, "I left somebody yellow in the potty,"

And so it has happened!!!!!

She of course has a learning curve ahead of her, and the battle has only begun, but it is "won" already in my opinion, just because she has decided that she is on board with the idea of it.

And I am so proud of her, and her mama for being so patient!

We take our small victories when we can get them, right? 馃槉

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7689   路   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   路   location: Southeast USA
id 8750776
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 12:50 PM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

I absolutely love being Grandma, but I have to also say that I don't get to see my little man enough. They live quite close, but they also have 3 sets of Grands, and 4 sets of Great Grands, and aunts, and uncles, and great aunts, so he is in HIGH demand.

I try to stay out of their hair, and be good MIL. I was blessed with a wonderful one, and try to follow in her footsteps.

He is the sweetest snuggliest best baby ever. Sleeping through the night at 2.5 weeks, only cries when hungry or in the process of changing him, he doesn't like to be naked. But he loves to be held, and they are both so laid back that he is super chill too. It is a wonderful thing to see my son, embrace his roll as Dad. He has never been a great sleeper, so he often takes overnight shift if he happens to wake, and want a snack. He also does creative things with him as far where he lays him, and interacts with him, last week my DD was home briefly and we were all around the kitchen counter height table, and he just put a blanket in the middle of the table and laid him there. He watched conversation and responded to all the voices, then drifted off to sleep. We all got to share him.

WR- With regard to potty training. My youngest was a beast to get it done, and I swore she was going to be in High School before she stopped having accidents. But she finally got it. But I often was up washing sheets in the middle of the night. They say that you shouldn't force it and they will do it when ready, and all that, so it sounds like maybe she is ready.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19614   路   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   路   location: St. Louis
id 8750783
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