your wife's feelings for you (humiliate) cannot be ignored, you should discuss this situation without excuses, offer a polygraph if necessary.
There are general patterns of cheaters.
Abdomen applied all the general patterns. lie, denial, belittlement, change crime, change history, defend ap, obs don't hear it, she humiliated you to justify your relationship
s.. bomb after being caught, sharing what the relationship has done to her.
They are focused on protecting their (wife/ap) image, they are afraid of being heard in obs and social circles.
You are thinking about your own image.
choose me, stay with me, don't let me know that I've been cheated on, I have children, my family, I love my wife, I don't want to leave, I can't tell obs I'm saving my marriage. (I'll cover it up)
Your wife is manipulating you with your fears. she is looking at you, waiting, she doesn't need to do anything, you do everything.
You make excuses, you have to let her do things for you. no matter what she did for fear of divorce, she deleted everything and the timeline, . something where she wrote her own feelings, apology etc.
Did they meet with AP after Dday?
did she meet with AP on the evening he went to the hotel?
did they develop common ideas about the future?
does your wife respond if she wants to continue the relationship ?..
does the relationship continue?
she knows that she is tracking her phone, she will not use it, they can produce a solution when they know the problem
you should take advice considering the possibility of recurrence in the future. you have to do it right without covering it up. if you both want it!!
therapy is the trust and sharing of two people. therapy won't help if your wife lies, there are relationships going on even during therapy.