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Why is this woman popping up on my suggestions on Instagram

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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 6:39 AM on Saturday, March 19th, 2022

She wasn't exactly an OW. She was someone my ex knew through his work, she actually provided a service for his business, and as far as I could tell she was always just professional and polite, but he was constantly trying to get her to come out with him, trying to impress her with pics of his Corvette, bragging about his money, Google image searching for her, basically seemed like a stereotypical older creep with an unrequited crush on a younger woman. No hate for her, he probably put her in an awkward position. I see that now, but not so much then. So, anyway, I was really surprised to see her name pop up on my suggestions. I figured hmmm, ex must be connected to her on social media now, since his current partner doesn't know to be suspicious of that. But I checked and he's not. I thought, well, maybe somehow when I got my new phone, her number, which I used to have saved, got synced to my contacts again. Checked, nope. We have no mutual friends. She had moved years ago after I found out about ex's little midlife crush (that was in 2012), but I guess at some point she moved back near here, but not the same city. Yes, I Facebook stalked lol (AFTER she popped up as suggested). She's married and I doubt she has anything to do with my ex. But she's popped up on Instagram for me several times. Why would this be? I don't understand this algorithm I guess. It's not really important, it's just odd and makes my brain itch. I have no connection to her that I know of other than my ex-husband acting the fool trying to impress her nine years ago.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 6:40 AM, Saturday, March 19th]

posts: 9497   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8724269
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papoula ( member #39079) posted at 1:42 PM on Saturday, March 19th, 2022

I always heard that if that happens on Facebook is because they searched for you. I'm not sure about Instagram though.

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 143   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8724289
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 2:49 PM on Saturday, March 19th, 2022

I always heard that if that happens on Facebook is because they searched for you.

I heard that this is not true, people just think it's true. I heard/read in researching it that there are similarities and/or overlap in friends or friends of friends or groups or organizations. The algorithm looks for connections in your backgrounds and people, even loose ones. Maybe you are friends with people who have mutual friends, even though those people are not your friends? Or maybe your ex's former job and her former job are offering too many people matches behind the scenes, so the algorithm offers that you may know each other?

It always feels to me like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon: we are all connected to Kevin Bacon if we try hard enough. These social media companies try to match people at the second and third and even fourth degree just to offer a host of possible connections and make it seem that EVERYONE is using their social media platform. That's what I would assume but idk.

Did you ever have any direct interaction with her that she would click on your name? Do you follow your ex on Instagram?

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 2:53 PM, Saturday, March 19th]

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5474   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8724298
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 11:47 PM on Saturday, March 19th, 2022

I looked her up on linkedin back in 2012 after finding out that my ex had google searched her a ton of times, and she asked him if I thought anything was going on. I think I texted her once and asked if anything was happening. So embarrassing now. I do follow my ex's Instagram. Maybe that's why? But he's not following her.

posts: 9497   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8724365
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 3:20 AM on Sunday, March 20th, 2022

I heard that this is not true, people just think it's true.


Count me among those that believe that it is true. I've had a number of recent inexplicable instances like the OP's, but the timing comes shortly after the ex and I split (and we are no longer social media connected).

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 217   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8724382
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 5:08 AM on Sunday, March 20th, 2022

Idk. I have played around with it and searched people and then asked them if I came up as a possible friend. They told me no. But I obviously can't be sure because how can I be?

I see absolutely no reason why that woman would be searching you or care. I get many odd friend suggestions, many. People that I know are not looking me up. Lol. That's why I'm skeptical.

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5474   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8724389
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 10:05 PM on Sunday, March 20th, 2022

People that I know are not looking me up. Lol

I'm sorry. I'd like to be more popular, too. laugh

[This message edited by Repossessed at 10:05 PM, Sunday, March 20th]

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 217   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8724494
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ChewedMeUp ( member #8008) posted at 6:39 PM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

A few years back, not too long after FB's "shadow accounts" came to light, I created a second FB account solely for the purposes of linking saved game data from a couple mobile games, using the email account I use only for spam things. Fake name, no friends, no posts, no info, no nothing. I got a weird assortment of friend suggestions, but the one that freaked me out was one for my friend in NZ.

Turns out that he had that secondary email account of mine saved as a backup contact info for me, on his phone. He used FB on his phone, so FB probably had access to his contacts, and that's how they linked us.

It can take just the tiniest thing, but the algorithm will find it.

BS - 40
DivorcED, finally.
2 Kids

posts: 614   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2005   ·   location: Baltimore, MD
id 8724880
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 8:19 PM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

Its just jarring seeing her. She's so gorgeous and just one of those people who comes across as having all her shit together, and I'm 100 percent not that. And again, I'm almost certain the attraction was one-sided, but I still feel so inferior every time her picture pops up. He would have thrown me under a train back then if he thought it would have impressed her. Ugh.

posts: 9497   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8724911
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CuriousObserver ( member #78743) posted at 11:54 PM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

I do follow my ex's Instagram. Maybe that's why? But he's not following her.

He may have searched for her.

Listen to their words but believe their actions.
The power of a lie is that it is believed to be truth.

posts: 154   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8724964
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:33 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

I still feel so inferior every time her picture pops up

Can you just block her,so you don't have to see her anymore?

posts: 4340   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8724993
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 3:05 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

He may have searched for her.

Lol, that tracks. His fiancee just had a baby and I know from the words out of his mouth to me that those post-partum stretch marks are not sexy to him. barf

Yeah I should just block her. I felt weirdly guilty about that because she wasn't really the problem, but since I'm no one to her she'd never even know. I've got way too many other productive things to do to spend all this time pain shopping.

posts: 9497   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8724996
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 3:39 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

Since she used to live in your area, and knew and worked with your husband, she could be a friend of a friend. That's a pretty typical suggestion track for linkedin, Fakebook and instasham.

posts: 1312   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8725062
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papoula ( member #39079) posted at 11:39 PM on Monday, April 18th, 2022

I thought about this thread a couple days ago. A new person started at my job about a month ago and a couple of days ago she started showing up as a friend suggesting on Facebook LOL. We have zero friends in common so I was wondering if she searched for me. laugh

[This message edited by papoula at 11:40 PM, Monday, April 18th]

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 143   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8730426
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