I would like to thank everyone in this forum. This site has been my source of sanity during the last few weeks of pain and madness.
It took about 16 days before I was able to get more than three hours of sleep. Emotions are up and down and pain I've never felt before.
I have been absorbing everything I can - the perspective, hurt, excuses, etc.
Married 28 years. Two kids.
DDay 12.20,2021
I was in my office and heard my wife in the kitchen whispering which I thought was odd. I walked quietly and noticed a tone I've not heard her use before outside of us. A tone of care, softness and closeness.
When I approached, she had a shocked look and when I asked her who she was talking to, I heard a male voice on the other line. She quickly shut off her phone and showed me who it was. It was a fake contact of her female friend.
She quickly got defensive with lies and informed me that it was a room she was interested in for rent because she wants a divorce. I was in shock because I knew we were having issues, but this was quite a bomb. The gaslighting was brutal and her constant blame shift was evident.
I was able to get the phone records and confronted her about their initial text on 11.19 which escalated to more texts/calls. She did this while I was at work, sleeping or taking kid to activities.
She admitted it was wrong to have an EA and would like to work on our issues with MC. I asked her one last time for full transparency and she said it was an EA through text/calls. She sees AP at work maybe once a week. She's 47 he's 31.
I asked her one last time if she has seen him outside of work and she said no.
Things started to calm down a little including a significant drop in my cortisol levels on 12.27, but my instincts were still going off. So I accessed her google timeline and everything looks normal. But as I zoomed out, I noticed one little dot east of the map.
I looked up the address and cross referenced it with Intelius and the number matched the AP. So I confronted her again about her lies and showed her google timeline images and she finally admitted the 'one time' PA on 12.10.
We are currently just calming ourselves for the kids, but I'm devastated and look at this person who I thought was my friend as this devious evil human being.
We were separated 13 years ago and dated other people, but after working it out and deciding on our second child, we agreed to be with each other only and if we want to be with someone else, prior to cheating, we would separate. She said she was done with out relationship and this was sort of her last act. She admits now that it was the wrong path, but at the time, she said it was nice to be with someone without all the negative issues. But now, she wants to try and work it out. She said a last attempt in saving us. It's confusing at times and my heart and brain are in constant battle as to what to do. I feel like taking her back enables here since there's zero consequence. At the same time, before this, we are great together.
I'm going to have my first trauma IC this afternoon. I'm trying to figure out what path to take. There's so much more to write, but even just typing this makes me feel a lot lighter because I'm sharing something with those who knows what I'm feeling.
Thank you.
[This message edited by perfectpain at 5:34 PM, Thursday, January 13th]