It's cliche to say I wasn't a perfect husband, and I wasn't,
It doesn't seem to matter the quality of husband you were before they "just leave", before they just completely split from reality, before the Invasion of the Body Snatcher spore pods take them over.
I, myself, was cruising along in a seemingly relatively idyllic 22 year marriage, no detectable signs of impending doom, really no detectable signs of even discontent, no outstanding, unresolved issues, good intimacy, plenty of loving sentiment, mutual appreciation, good communication. We were mutually excited about our future, as our kids were becoming teenagers, with big plans to travel. We lived in an idyllic resort community in a beautiful home-wife's dream home. No money problems. Fulfilling careers and ample couples bonding time, etc, etc.
She was an incredible Mother, never doing anything to jeopardize the kids nurturing environment.
Then one day, my wife, the woman I trusted with my life, was gone. Just like that.
And she, ironically, did one of worst things a parent could possibly do to a child's environment.
When I'd ask her why, I'd just get this incredulous blank pod person stare. No real explanation. Nothing that made sense to either of us. I really don't think she understood what was happening.
Leaving me feeling like a disposable commodity that's served its purpose.
We subsequently divorced and she never really came back. There's someone else inhabiting her body who doesn't seem to care at all about me. Strangest most disturbing thing I've ever experienced.
She didn't run off to be with another. She just ran off to be free. She was never caged in our marriage. Marriage itself was just too confining.
It's so bizarre and so out of character and so intimately disturbing that our own families, children, friends couldn't believe it. I've always wondered, if they wonder, if I did something to cause this. Did I do something insidious, abusive, neglectful behind the Ken and Barbie facade to make this happen?
I'm happily remarried now and I'm totally over my ExWW, and over the affair. I even forgot her APs name, but, I'm still not over how people can so easily change, literally, over night. How they can get out of bed one day, 22 years into a marriage, and just leave. Just check the fu.. out destroying everything-everyone in their wake.
Although everything seems to be going perfectly in my current marriage, I'm prepared for her to someday unexpectedly gut me, betray me, forsake me, and take all the good times, the memories, the love making, the promises, the solemn oaths, the declarations of true enduring love, our mated souls, and our child with her, to give to another, for absolutely no rational reason other than she's ready for something new.
Pretty fucked up eh?
I think all cheaters "just leave". Some may stick around after the fact, for one reason or another, but they're only physically there. They're emotionally gone. Except, maybe, for the truly remorseful. I reserve judgment on that rare phenomenon.
[This message edited by RealityBlows at 3:12 AM, Sunday, November 21st]