Newest Member: Qashess

New Beginnings :
Bought a pie today.

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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 2:58 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

My ex is a narcissist. I'm not qualified to diagnose him but I have a lot of evidence LOL.

Anyway he is extremely selfish, and I was so codependent that I just went along with whatever he wanted to appease him and make him happy. I WAS SO WEAK.

Like if I was watching a show on TV and he came home in the middle of my show and he wanted to watch something else, it was understood that the channel would be getting changed.

I'm not claiming victim status, because I allowed this. I ALLOWED IT which boggles my mind now. I fucking allowed it! I wasn't a victim, I was a volunteer.

I am not the same person I was four years ago, trust and believe.

Well anyway there's a bakery in a quaint former gold mining town about 50 miles from my house, that's famous for their pies. So much so that sometimes local grocery stores carry the pies, but they're kind of hard to find, because they are baked fresh at the bakery.

But it's kind of a thing, that people here do for a day trip. You drive an hour, go to this quaint town, you browse the antique stores, you walk around looking at things, you have lunch, and get a pie on your way out of town, to take home for later.

I love strawberry rhubarb pie. But whenever we went to this town and stopped for a pie, I was not allowed to get it. He likes dutch apple. He doesn't like strawberry rhubarb. So guess which pie we always got.

I wasn't allowed to get 2 pies, that would be "too much". No. The pies run $15-20 each so we "just need one", so we could only have one flavor, of course, and it always had to be the flavor he wanted. In 24 years of marriage, we went to this town at least once every year, and never once did I get that flavor of pie.

So I wrap up my legal stuff today that's about 5 miles from this pie town. So, really close.

And I run into the grocery next door for aluminum foil which I had forgot the other day.

I walk in the door and right in front is a table with all these bakery pies from this pie shop. I walked over and looked down, right on top is strawberry rhubarb. I said fuck it I'm getting this pie.

And then I grabbed one of "his" pies--dutch apple. I was headed to see a friend after, and I thought, hmm I'll bring them a little gift.

Bought them both, and I took the dutch apple to my dear friends and dropped it off as a gift. It's divorce pie. I want them to enjoy something he would enjoy, and that he will never enjoy again because he moved out of state away from this pie shop. He doesn't get this pie. I bought it for someone else LOL.

They laughed and laughed and said, we won't think of him when we're eating it. We'll think of you, and how kind you were to bring us this delicious gift LOL. (Everyone loves this pie and it's hard to come by unless you drive an hour, so I will say it was a pretty great gift LOL).

Now I look back and think holy fuck, woman. What were you doing with that clown? He couldn't spare you $15 to get the flavor pie you wanted, not once in 24 years of marriage? NOT ONCE. But he dropped tens of thousands of dollars on all kinds of garbage that he wanted for himself. He'd buy $200 biking gloves that he wore maybe twice.

Never. Doing. That. Again.

I'm worth the pie, sisters and brothers. I AM WORTH THE PIE.

Also it's fucking delicious. I've eaten about a third of it already and my stomach hurts. I am already anticipating tomorrow morning breakfast, I'll have a nice cup of coffee and my pie.

posts: 1731   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8682055
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travels ( member #20334) posted at 3:02 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

Good for you!!
I'm a recovering codependent and I so would have done the same thing. rolleyes
Have that pie for breakfast and enjoy your freedom - you deserve it!

When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.
"After a breakup, the loyal one stays single and deals with the damages until healed. The other one is already in another relationship."

posts: 4073   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2008
id 8682057
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:04 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

I fucking LOVE this entire post. Every word of this... *chef's kiss*

You're worth the whole damn bakery my dear!

Strawberry rhubarb is my favorite too. Aaaaaand now I want pie

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3147   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8682059
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:04 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

I love this SO MUCH!!!!! YES GIRL!!!!!!

This is the best thing. OMG at all the things you will do for yourself now! All the love and care you get to bestow upon yourself. All the stuff you always deserved!

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4482   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8682058
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 6:31 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

Oh man... This makes me think of the Lamaze classes we went to when I was pg with the oldest banana. The first class, the instructor went around the room and asked the expectant mothers what nice thing our SOs did for us during this time. When she got to me, I honestly had nothing better to say about ex-asshat other than "He lets me get Rocky road ice cream." They all looked at me like I was an idiot and said "So... Why can't you get two different flavors?" Ugh, I wish I could go back and smack myself!

Good for you for getting the pie!

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16493   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8682075
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:02 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

Big applause!

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4215   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8682076
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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 4:19 PM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

It's Pie Saturday. This pie is fucking amazing and worth every penny. I'm on my second slice with coffee, and also, fuck that guy, I should have been eating this pie since 1993.

I am extremely, extremely grateful to God this morning. I would have never left this marriage and when it ended, it felt like life was over too.

My life is so amazing these days. It's just beyond good, it's better than my wildest dreams.

I am so grateful that I was set free.

posts: 1731   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8682100
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 4:23 PM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

I fucking LOVE this entire post. Every word of this... *chef's kiss*

^^^What Ellie said!!!

Anyone else craving pie, now?

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4364   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8682101
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

freetogonow - I'm going one step further with the metaphor. YOU ARE the pie. A treat, something that brings smiles and joy, celebrates a moment, delicious, worth it, something to savor, and yes, fucking amazing. You are fully present and realize it's the things like this that are the real deal.

I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE this post.

It's a primo example of flipping the script. Of reclaiming the real shit. Of owning your own joy and most importantly - making it happen. And you also shared that love and joy for others by carrying them a pie.

So brilliant.

Cannot wait to hear what's next for you. It's all just terribly exciting when you truly find freedom from the ick.

Cheers!

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie

- David Mamet

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Loving flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2136   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8682104
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 4:12 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

Freetogonow, you rock! Savor every bite of your delicious acquisition.

Reading this was like reading a transcript of a visit to my therapist. Sadly, it is an all too familiar part of my story, too. I could also count on the channel change, and the music I loved to listen to would be turned off when xpos returned.

But, like you, I made a trip shortly after the D - to visit family a few hours away. It was a trip we had taken many times over the years and I almost always asked if we could stop at a shop about half-way and he ALWAYS either ignored me or just said NO as we drove past.

When I arrived for my first solo visit, I was asked with a smile and a wink if I had made any stops on the way. I laughed and said that, well, of course I did! The shop had changed in the years since I had been there (with the relative I was visiting), but it still made me very happy to treat myself. And the trip seemed only about 45 minutes because I passed the drive listening to MY music!

And, Nanners, I am very jealous that he even allowed you Rocky Road ice cream while pg. I was always told I didn't need ice cream. Ever. Would have been thrilled to have it without being made to feel I was too fat and undeserving. Guess what is just about always in my freezer now?

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 4998   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 8682295
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 4:58 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

One hundred percent worth the pie!

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8682301
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 3:37 PM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

WHY DID THIS MAKE ME CRY???? lolololol oh gosh this was great, I am so happy for you. I can relate to a lot of it. Enjoy your pie.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 812   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8682358
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 7:37 PM on Wednesday, August 11th, 2021

I can't love this thread any more, it is SO fantastic! laugh

Reminds me of being 'married' 22 years to the Mexican who would never let me put a ripe avocado in the fridge. So many over-ripe moldy avocados went to their maker in the compost bin because of that fucker's massive ego and superior culinary knowledge. duh

Let me tell ya I've got my avocado game ON these days, I buy them pre-ripened - which we were never allowed to do, same with the bananas - always two on the window sill (where they ripen to perfection) and two gloriously ripe ones in the fridge at all times.

I will never EVER surrender my superior avocado powers to anyone EVER again.

And it's glorious!

[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:38 PM, Wednesday, August 11th]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21438   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8682898
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 3:27 PM on Thursday, August 12th, 2021

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕㈎ 9;

posts: 1059   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8683048
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