SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A post in JFO coupled with a post here about NSA sex/hook ups has me curious...

Can you have sex just for the sake of getting off or can you only have sex with someone for which you have an emotional bond? Yeah sex feels good and all (if done correctly lol) but is the actual act something you can do for no other reason than carnal pleasure?

Since this is my post I'll be the first to chime in...

I cannot fuck just for the sake of fucking. I've never had a one night stand or a fling. I just don't think it would feel as good with someone I don't have feelings for or not know very well. I think people who are in it just to get off put less effort into the act itself whereas those who know each other's bodies well and have that connection will put their all into making the other feel as good as possible - and there's something incredibly sexy when you know your partner is doing just that...giving their all.

Thoughts?

As for me my New Beginning is literally JUST beginning so I'm in no shape to fuck anyone at the moment.

The FWB, etc. options/mindset, is discussed occasionally in here and I know I don’t have the bandwidth for it anymore. Before marriage I had a few hook ups, but they were literally w friends that I knew…some for years before the hook up, we were each single, attracted, and remained friends with no expectations.

Now, I need at least the beginning of an emotional attachment. I dated someone for 3 months last year and while I’m not pining away over that loss…I felt waiting about 5 weeks was fine for being intimate. I liked him. I should have waited longer in that particular case. Live and learn.

Having said that, there is a guy that is 22 years younger than me, that is putting in a great amount of time, interest, and effort to date me. Holy hell. 😳 He is handsome, seems intelligent, etc. On other levels he is not my type at all! 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m certain I can’t just have casual sex, but am definitely tempted.

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 3:15 PM, July 22nd (Thursday)]

I can absolutely have sex just for the physical joy of it. It can be incredibly hot. Now, the downside and where it doesn't compare to a regular partner is that the new person doesn't know your body and it isn't guaranteed to be all that great. But I love everything about it from the initial flirting to the newness of a new body. It's exciting. I do put my all into it with a ONS or there's just no point in it for me. That's part of making it fun.

But, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with anyone who needs an emotional connection for sex. That's perfectly 100% normal and honestly, beautiful. We're all different. That I can enjoy sex casually does not translate into wanting to cheat when I'm with someone or being unable to strongly pair bond with another person. Sex can be the most gorgeous thing and also the most heinous weapon depending upon how it is wielded.

I've never had a FWB or a ONS. I don't THINK I need an emotional connection but I do need a certain comfort level/trust level. I'm not sure if that counts as an emotional connection. I don't necessarily see sex as an act of love. It can be, but it doesn't need to be for me.

I could have sex for the sake of having sex. But I could never achieve orgasm unless I had an emotional connection with my partner.

Can you have sex just for the sake of getting off or can you only have sex with someone for which you have an emotional bond?

Never really saw the point without a bond with my partner so I never tried.

This is a very timely topic for me and was considering creating a post on this topic as well.

Last December, I met a woman on Match and we slept together on the third date, NYE. While I found her attractive and the sex was good, there was no connection for me and she liked it as well but “I didn’t give her butterflies”, so we agreed to FWB. That was my first FWB in my 61 years. The sex was satisfying, but somewhat empty because of no emotional connection.

In April, I ended the FWB because I met another woman on Match. We slept together in April on our third date, and agreed to monogamy after second time sleeping together. The sexual chemistry was fantastic for both of us. She seems to be having a hard time with turning 60 even though she has the body of a 40-year old. At the end of June, she tells me that she breaking up with me because she doesn’t know if she wants to even be in a relationship and that maybe she just wants to meet people and do things (her words). I respond, sorry you feel that way, let me know if you change your mind. Last week, I saw her profile on Zoosk and then she viewed mine. I initiated contact and she responded that what she’s looking for is “no ties sex, and no serious vibe”. I agreed to that as I would have originally. She came over last night for dinner, spent the night and just left. Once again, the sex was fantastic for both of us.

I may be setting myself up to be hurt, but I’m inclined to continue this NSA/FWB until I find someone else who I want to be monogamous with, which is my preferred relationship status. I’m hopeful that she’ll get over her desire for NSA when she turns 60 in September, and return to originally stated desire for a monogamous relationship before I find someone else. Nevertheless, tomorrow night, I have a first date with another woman who I find very attractive, so we’ll see.

[This message edited by Alonelyagain at 8:37 AM, July 23rd (Friday)]

depends.

you can lie to yourself and say you dont want a bond but in the moment need it. OR you just truly dont need it and can enjoy sex and not want more.

I cant do that. I dont think I ever had a 1 night stand that I can think off but met this amazing guy on vacay and we hit it off so well we hooked up. I plan to see him again as he has asked me, but Im not in his city. even if it were just friends with benefits, I would be all for it w this guy because I felt free and sexy in his presence. was very easy to get into it with him. so I guess, I had chemistry and a bit of something going in since I would want more but open to explore anything with this particular guy (who btw is 15 yrs younger then me but I do look quite young myself)

I've had several FWB situations in my single years. I absolutely can have sex without the emotional connection (and at times have preferred it that way.) The flirting and anticipation makes it fun!

as you've probably read on the hook up thread, i've prattled on about this.

In my view, there's two types of casual sex.

The casual sex without connection - turn up, screw. I don't believe many women or men actually ever want this or many actually do it. A certain sub section of men can do it...i.e. they go to prostitutes.

But the second type of casual sex, the one nighter if you like, i think has a terribly bad press - not because of the sex itself, the actual penis going into the vagina, but the shame and fear attached to it - "what's happening to me, am i sick/weird/losing control/a whore/a creep".

The later option only works in my view on absoloute honesty. Communication. Then connection can happen, often very deeply, and sex can happen, and you both carry on being single, going seperate ways.

Two people meet on a train. They know they next day they will have to change trains to two different destinations. Over the course of hte evening, they both connect deeply, they are physically drawn to each other, laughter, drink, whatever. But they know that the train splits the next day and they will have to go their seperate ways. So do they be good and pure and clean and just keep it to the seating carriage, or do they jump into the bunks for that last night after connecting so deeply and romantically in the resturant carriage?

See you can have connection and sex and it can be brief but wonderful.

I have slept with only my stbx. When i loved him, sex was fantastic. After the second affair i have lost feelings for him. Dimming out like a dying battery. And i think most feeling are gone. The last tome we had sex (and it was not too recent) i noticed , i dont love this man like i used to. And the sex is missing. Physically its the same, but that connection is whaf makes it great .

Sad. Im a great wife. His loss.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 1:56 AM, August 2nd (Monday)]