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Is this a red flag?

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 skeetermooch (original poster member #72169) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Hey wise ones,

Since I changed my FB profile pic from my dog to my face, random men are friending and messaging me. One guy is local, attractive and has interests I share. We've messaged a few times and he seems normal enough.

Is this normal for folks to message randoms on FB to date? We do have one shared friend, but that's about it. Just to be clear - I'm not on the fb dating app.

I'm not on any dating apps and don't have a huge interest in dating at the moment, but he likes to do outdoorsy things, so it might be fun - not sure if I should dismiss just because of how he contacted me.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8677052
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lieshurt ( Moderator #14003) posted at 7:35 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

I've received messages and/or friend requests like that on FB, but they were all scammers, so I didn't reply. I just blocked them.

Have you confirmed with your mutual friend that this person is legitimate? I've done that only to find out my friend had no idea who the person was. She'd just accepted their friend request without investigating first. She ended up deleting him.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22324   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 8677063
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 9:29 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

I would not meet in person. Period. You don’t know him. Could be married. Could be a serial cheater.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10574   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8677091
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messyleslie ( member #58177) posted at 11:53 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

I have watched too much Catfish to ever talk to a random on Facebook. I would save his profile photo and reverse image search it.

posts: 253   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8677139
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 skeetermooch (original poster member #72169) posted at 6:40 AM on Wednesday, July 21st, 2021

Thanks everyone!

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8677184
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:06 PM on Wednesday, July 21st, 2021

Could be married. Could be a serial cheater.

Could be a serial KILLER. That's where my mind goes...😆

I've had the same thing happen. The moment I change my profile photo to my face, as opposed to my dog or my camper, a bunch of creepers came out. Lots of scammers too. You know, the four Star general with one friend who made his profile 2 hours ago. Block!

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:08 AM, July 21st (Wednesday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4364   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8677233
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Trapped74 ( member #49696) posted at 7:53 PM on Wednesday, July 21st, 2021

Please tell me you don't live in the PNW - that sounds like my WH's MO!!

Confirm with "mutual friend" before doing anything!

Many DDays. Me (BW) 46 Him (WH) 49
Happily detached and compartmentalized.

posts: 168   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Oregon
id 8677300
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 skeetermooch (original poster member #72169) posted at 3:34 AM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I'm not in the PNW I dare say it's a lot of WHs' MO. Mine as well.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8677404
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:36 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I have watched too much Catfish to ever talk to a random on Facebook. I would save his profile photo and reverse image search it.

Watching Catfish should a mandatory requirement for anyone dating. lol! I became very good at finding out about folks during my OLD years. I still watch that show!!!

Anyway - it should be pretty easy to find out if this person is legit. First off, reach out to that mutual FB friend and see what the scoop is. Yes - lots of scammers online but there are folks that are legit. They do not have any interest in OLD so they feel safer on FB if they see mutual friends, etc.

posts: 6667   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8677454
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Ganondorf ( member #70843) posted at 5:07 AM on Saturday, July 24th, 2021

Uh...

as a guy I've done the same thing basically (on other social apps, I don't use FB) when coming across a pretty girl. I don't anymore, because it's not worth the effort.

But I'm not any of the things suggested in this thread. So don't necessarily dismiss the dude.

Play it slow. I imagine the bad ones make it obviously very quickly.

As for meeting, public place. Lunch break. That way you have an excuse to leave. If you meet and things seem normal just go slow from there and keep your eyes open for any other red flags.

Legit forgot my DD and divorce and I'm fine with that.

posts: 188   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2019
id 8678099
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Anna123 ( member #70908) posted at 12:12 AM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

Ha, I was kind of hoping a friend of a friend would approach me some time on Facebook but no luck. It would depend on if the message sounds normal and conversational or if it was just an invitation to meet with no back and forth a bit first.

posts: 624   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8679032
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:15 PM on Saturday, August 21st, 2021

Hi, I would validate him with your mutual contact. There are so many scammers. But who know? It could be a great opportunity. Have you tried Facebook dating? I haven’t yet but have wondered about it.

Funny, I haven’t used my picture on Facebook since my ex announced his affair. She and her friends were creeping me. Nor have I posted that we are no longer together. I guess I carry some shame which is silly, but it is still there

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8684681
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:14 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

You have mutual friends, and have been messaging back and forth..but he hasn't sent you a friend request?

Yes, that's a red flag.

I've had that happen several times..I consider the men to be creepy.

posts: 3713   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8684781
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 5:49 PM on Tuesday, August 24th, 2021

Soooo - any updates?

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8685158
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 11:48 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2021

Have you tried friend requesting him? My boyfriend and I messaged for a bit and he didn't want to make me feel "rushed" to be fb friends.

Sometimes they are married, sometimes they are just shy? Ask him?

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 409   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8685480
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