Could use some encouragement, I screwed up
You are a good man. You work hard. You love your family. You did not screw up!!!
All that statement was, was just the tip of your pride, your morals, your self-worth, your hurt and pain, just starting to poke through the wall holding back the reservoir of pent-up righteous reaction to the injury your wife inflicted on you that night, afterwards, since then, and I am sure prior to then as well.
That was just the first of it leaking through the teeny-tiny crack created by the pressure of your suppressing the truth.
Not everybody agrees, but I think it's actually okay to use some ugly language with somebody who hurt you so grievously. To tell them to fuck-off. To call them "unprincipled" (Because it's true!!). Sometimes the truth is ugly, or hurtful.
I encourage you to tell the truth to yourself first, then your wife next.
YOU DID NOT SCREW UP! YOU ARE A PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BE VALUED.
Moot point, in a few weeks she'll be leaving for orientation for like 6 weeks, and then travelling full time. Gone for a few days, home for a few.
Danger Will Robinson!
So it isn't like she's playing me, but I really am at a total loss for what is going on in that head of hers.
Yes she is playing you. Now let me tell you what is going on in her head: "When will HowCouldSheDoIt shut the fuck up about this stupid one-nighter!? It was only one night and it didn't mean anything! This is why I fucked that guy in the first place, he makes me crazy with his (Insert arbitrary bullshit reason reason here.)
But resolving this is marriage related, and I don't feel ready to address it on any deeper level. And it is a moot point anyway, because she is going back to work to earn a salary herself, and what she said is very sweet, that she doesn't feel right asking me to work for 10 more years so she can buy a new SUV and a boat and jetskis and whatever else.
She doesn't understand that a marriage is a coupling of larger life goals. She sees herself as solitary, not part of a duo, not in a life partnership.
I personally find it interesting that she has firm plans for where that money is going to go. I wasn't consulted or asked my opinion. It seems to me she's doing exactly what I was doing that hurt her so badly. Granted this is early and she's just talking right now, but still... interesting.
I must have missed it. What did you do that cut her out of the future plans for the marriage?
That is a topic for another discussion way down the line after we are firmly in R.
She's going to change the person who she is and start having discussions with you about the marriage as opposed to running off and having sex outside the marriage?
Dude, what constitutes reconciliation for you and your wife appear to be completely different things. Reconciliation for your wife is for you to shut the fuck up and swallow all of your pain.
As much eye rolling as I will get for this, I do trust WW not to lie to me. I have never caught her in a lie, never found anything suspicious of her lying.
**EYE ROLL** ;-)
That's a mistake on your part. I am not sure if your wife planned to cheat on that trip, but the way she went about it seems to be premeditated. Ergo, she lied to you about her intentions.
In addition, she has been lying to you about her understanding or caring about what she has done to you with her betrayal. She has lied with her stated commitment to healing your marriage. I am pretty sure she has omitted information or "spun" details of the night in question. I promise you the story she has told her family is rife with lies and paints you in a bad light.
Do not trust cheaters to be honest. Cheating is dishonest in and of itself.
[This message edited by faithfulman at 5:54 PM, July 13th (Tuesday)]