Newest Member: HeartbrokenWife76

Just Found Out :
Wife sending nudes to co-worker

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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 4:53 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

She's moved on. WS don't generally have a problem and kind of expect to remain friends. Theress a certain lack of empathy or at least caring about the trauma they will inflict on their BS to have the affair that carries over to the aftermath in non remorseful ones.

posts: 764   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8678345
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 7:04 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Just think. If those two end up together they started their lives sending nude pictures to a married person. How romantic. Ugh!

To thine own self be true. Shakespeare

posts: 2945   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8678355
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 12:42 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Another contact from WW yesterday. Long story short she’s trying to cut herself off from a family member entirely because she’s unwilling to do anything but float around in fantasy land. Nevermind the pain she caused to two families. This request involved me logistically.

If the initial action didn’t hurt enough the complete lack of remorse is a continued reminder. She has also cut contact with mutual friends to avoid any addressing of her actions. Anyone she cannot entirely dictate the narrative to is out.

Working my hardest to stay no contact save for the required items. First draft of docs supposed to be ready this week.

[This message edited by Maxwell354 at 6:43 AM, July 26th (Monday)]

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8678458
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 1:04 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Her world is starting to crumble now and she's feeling it. Next time she will lose everyone close to her except for her new old guy. She will be lonely once she realizes everything around her turns around and she has no place to go.

Good job on your NC!

posts: 387   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678461
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 1:14 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Do you know what? It's better like this than a phony reconciliation effort. There is not the slightest confusion about what to do.

Of course, I'm not saying that she is doing this as an angel thinking of you.

posts: 501   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8678465
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 3:23 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Next time she will lose everyone close to her except for her new old guy.

I will hope and dream that this level of cosmic justice exists. But she began surrounding herself with bad influences from her various employment some time ago...questionable enough that they may have even encouraged this behavior. But it's moot now. She will give them "her" narrative like I said above and I think she will work to cut out anyone who she cannot give this story to. She seems to have little problem closing doors if it allows her to avoid confronting her feelings or issues. Anyone from her "old" life other than siblings and close family will be removed and she will move forward with her "yes men".

It's better like this than a phony reconciliation effort

This is very true. Having a second DDay (like I see in so many signatures) after having wasted additional months or years has to be just as devastating as the first, if not more so.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8678497
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 11:48 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

But she began surrounding herself with bad influences from her various employment some time ago...questionable enough that they may have even encouraged this behavior.

Eventually these people will leave her too. They might be the ones encouraging her cheating. These are not real friends, they were only with her because they 'click' or they might have similar 'interests'.

All the best!

posts: 387   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678793
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 7:11 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

At this point nothing should surprise you.

posts: 6685   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8678941
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Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 7:22 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Seems to me she is running away from everything and everyone to avoid dealing with it.

It's going to catch up with her, she isn't going to be able to avoid it all forever.

All you can do is keep moving forward. I really think you are going to be fine in the future. Your still young and can have kids if you want to go that route.

I know you are trying to take some of the blame for problems in the marriage but.. I just doing think she was mature enough to really work out the issues. I think you would have ended up with lot's more communication problems.

I know it's got to be difficult but try to detach and move on. Things are going to get better.

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8678943
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lparistotle ( new member #78629) posted at 12:10 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

Does the other man's wife and her co workers know what a slut she is. If not blow up that world.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2021   ·   location: US
id 8679154
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KingofNothing ( member #71775) posted at 1:29 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

I will hope and dream that this level of cosmic justice exists.

Don't be too devastated if it doesn't. It happens. Sometimes, the cheaters swan off with their new crowd and new AP, telling the big lie to whomever will listen and buy it, nodding sadly at how "Brave" they are for leaving their situation.

For every incident of cosmic karma that exists, there's an example of the flip side of the coin, where they go off and live their shoddy lives together.

The point is to be indifferent to either result.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
----------------------------------
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8679172
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 6:39 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

I just cleared my work calendar of tasks and realized I’ve made it through July. The days are still full of pain and heartache but…one step at a time. July 2021…The indisputable worst month of my life. Hopefully that crown is never usurped.

I also noticed that whenever I see a date my mind now jumps to either

BC: before (discovery of) cheating

or

AD: after DDay

[This message edited by Maxwell354 at 6:41 PM, Friday, July 30th]

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8679904
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Aletheia ( member #79172) posted at 7:06 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

You have been through a lot in a short time so good to be proud of yourself. I’m sorry you had to go through this at all but always looking at the bright sides, thank goodness you found out who you were really married to now rather than years down the road. Wishing good luck.

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to “Life is short” you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 210   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Everywhere & nowhere
id 8679917
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 7:30 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

I also noticed that whenever I see a date my mind now jumps to either

BC: before (discovery of) cheating

or

AD: after DDay

Funny(?) that you mention this.

For me, and I'm sure many others, it is our new calander/datebook.

"When is Aunt Ginny's birthday?" Easy--2 months and a week after D-day. "How about our nephew's graduation?" Four months after the last piece of trickle truth.

My memory stunk up until infidelity. Now, I have an unlovable date book....

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3830   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8679923
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 7:38 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

You are one of the good examples of handling this.

I hope this will also be the reason for good beginnings that will make you say "good thing it happened".

posts: 501   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8679929
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 7:45 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

Brother, just focus on you. STBX is responsible for all of her own actions regardless of what narrative she dictates to her group of supporting friends.
Hold you head high, get in a good mentally place and be yourself.
One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1199   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8679931
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 12:25 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Update:

Paperwork seems to be progressing. Will know with certainty soon.

I found a good video on heartbreak that has helped set my mind in the right direction relative to the loss of a relationship. The forum won't allow links but google "how to fix a broken heart guy winch"

Negative progress in getting over the distress of the affair. The images are still in my mind and, of course, I checked again for some reason. The images are getting more vulgar and further imply the activities taking place. Now I have a new thought/image burned into my head. Poor decision. Regardless of what seems clear/obvious there is still something so distressful in seeing the woman who was your wife a month ago turned into a dumb wh$%#. And the continued lack of a care towards her ex of a dozen years.

I'm maintaining efforts to improve and entertain myself. Physically I'm doing ok. Mentally, I remain a shell.

Looking forward to getting things signed and property moved as the next step.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8681446
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 1:33 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

The decision to divorce is twofold but the process of divorce is one single factor.

Deciding to divorce is the decision to end an emotional entanglement and change the very nature of a relationship. You change it from one that should be based on mutual love, respect, desire, goals… to something that is totally different. If you have kids then hopefully one of enough respect to successfully coparent, but mainly indifference. It’s also the end of expectations. Expectations like mutual financial accountability, fidelity, communications, cohabiting… You reached that decision long ago, even before you filed. That decision was the first step, the step than then made you file.

The other decision of divorce is the purely business one. The division of assets, debts and so on.

You have fired your wife from the role of wife. What’s going on now is a bit like some severance time before you can finally remove her name-tag, pack her coffee jug and put whatever she left at her desk in a box to have delivered to her.

Just like you might fire an employee that is constantly late to work…

Going over her photos and being frustrated and hurt by what she’s doing – when all she is doing is what you expected her to do based on her recent actions… Well… that’s a lot like driving past the former employees house every morning and being all bothered because his car is still outside and he is probably late at his new job. The job you have nothing to do or say about.

Stop pain-shopping. What you are dealing with is hard enough without it.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9900   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8681453
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 9:39 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Thanks for the realignment Bigger.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8681610
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 9:21 AM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

Keep whatever past evidence you have in a safe place that isn't easy to access. If anyone asks why you divorced you can show them.

Then block her on all of your social media. I get the urge to keep investigating.

There's no need to play infidelity cop anymore. You already know what she is.

A better life awaits.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8681756
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