Newest Member: Butterfly19

Just Found Out :
Wife sending nudes to co-worker

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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:17 PM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

Of course she is only going to allow those that she can manipulate or support her to communicate with.those that see the truth she will isolate until she can control them to believe that she is right and you were bad and forced her to cheat.

One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1199   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8681809
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 12:33 PM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

I know plenty of people that have divorced.

I don’t know of anyone that has been asked to prove his/her spouse cheated/was abusive/drank too much/wasn’t compatible to explain to friends and family why they divorced.

Nor do I remember a single case where not being able to prove any of the above have made the person go back to the marriage.

It’s really simple: Divorce her and move on.

Anybody asks you about her you tell them the appropriate answer based on the relationship with the person asking. For example: a close sibling asks and you can go into detail about why. Brad - the guy that you play golf with once every three months – it’s enough to tell him you divorced her. If he insists you can add that she cheated. But you definitely don’t need to pull out pics and affidavits and prove anything to him.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9900   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8681811
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 5:21 PM on Thursday, August 12th, 2021

Weekly update.

Falling off the positivity train this week. Sick so I can't exercise, work is imploding unrelated to marital issues, and WW is over 3x this week collecting things so I keep having to see her. She brought our dog over Monday who she is keeping so I said goodbye to him. Seeing her is some real invasion of the body snatchers shit. The physical form is all that remains of the person I knew.

If, at any period, I get past those issues I start thinking about my future and cannot manage any positive thoughts yet. I was mostly happy in my personal life/hobbies/fitness/friends/etc prior to this so "work on yourself" only takes me so far, but I am trying. Past that I can't imagine finding someone who's a better fit for me than the person she was to me for many years...obviously who she is now is no high bar.

I know there's no magic bullets or hidden answers. Just trying to hang on.

The legal side of things continues to progress.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8683060
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 9:03 PM on Thursday, August 12th, 2021

Sorry you are having a bad week. For your mental well being have her finish taking her property in one visit. This ongoing torture is unfair and she probably is fully aware of the hurt she is creating. It’s time to put yourself first. I hope you feel better soon and are able to restart your exercise program.

posts: 1060   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8683111
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gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 9:29 PM on Thursday, August 12th, 2021

Consider taking any remaining possessions of hers to a storage unit, pre-pay as little as possible, and mail her the key. No more need to see her.

posts: 85   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8683117
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oldmanchris ( new member #78645) posted at 1:19 AM on Tuesday, August 31st, 2021

How’s it going? You still hanging in there?

Feo fuerte y formale

posts: 20   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2021
id 8686339
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 5:39 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2021

Hello,

Still here. 56 days and counting. I feel I'm finally past the initial shock phase and in an intermediary phase between finding the new me and releasing the old me.

Logistically WW's items need to be removed from the property. I thought this would already be done...but still do not know when that is as she is not volunteering the info and I am not reaching out to ask her. The (hopefully) final legal date is nearing. She sent one more ho hum "nothing is wrong" type message, which I ignored. Haven't heard back since. Not talking to her at all has improved my mental health notably. If at all possible I intend to be absent during the final property pickup.

Excluding the past 55 days, today is the saddest day in my life...and so it will be for days 57, 58, 59... I look forward to the day it finally is not. But it's a large pit to climb out of.

Many thanks again to the forum and its members for being a primary driver in what success I've had to date.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8686827
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ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 7:04 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2021

People here who help you all have been through infidelity. It’s so traumatic that a lot of us feel the need to help others in the same situation.

Having said that, I hope that you are planning to do a similar gesture and eventually inform the OBS.

Rereading your posts, your STBXWW seems to be lacking any empathy. It doesn’t really matter, but your STBXWW won’t have and happy life, odds are against her.

You will recover from this. All this will fade in the background and when you get into a relationship again, it will be like night and day. It will be a revelation and you will realize that even without the cheating you were not in a fulfilling relationship. Give yourself time, you’ll get there smile

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1440   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8686852
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 4:38 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Well that’s it! Officially divorced as of this morning. A quick zoom call and our agreement was confirmed. Paperwork pends from the court, but only for formality to my understanding. I find myself wondering what combination of WW actually feeling bad, wanting out quickly, or being in her fog contributed to this quick resolution. I suppose she never directly desired to hurt me, only acted selfishly and without any consideration for the result.

Regardless, I won’t complain after reading other stories on here and will do my best to count my blessings. 81 days from DDay to legal split. Having never combined finances we both effectively took what was ours, split what was shared, and parted ways. I did lose the dog in the process, which saddens me, but I am not in a great position to care for him solo anyways so it’s for the best.

Once I feel fully healed I hope I can return the favor of my knowledge gained to this board. Things could have gone much worse in multiple venues if not for the guidance received.

Thanks to all.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8690864
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 5:39 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations on taking big step out of the pit! Onward and upward.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 376   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8690873
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Trdd ( member #65989) posted at 5:58 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

That is one of the more efficient D processes I've heard of. D is always going to be painful but the speed and lack of complications is at least one blessing in this mess. The other is that the WW timebomb didn't go off 10 years from now.

Continue to take care of yourself

posts: 353   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8690875
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 6:19 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Huzzah! Congrats! Life only gets better without an unfaithful person messing with your head. You're going to do great.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49 Married: Feb. 1996 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2:

posts: 4301   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8690879
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HappilyMarried1 ( member #77296) posted at 9:54 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations Max!

Best of luck in your future. Take it slow and enjoy life to the fullest!

posts: 69   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2021
id 8690923
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:19 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations, Maxwell. I've never seen, that I can remember, a D so quickly after DDay. Mine was 2 and a half years after separation which was 4 years after DDay. The quickest in my jurisdiction would be 90 days after filing where the betrayed didn't condone the adultery by not leaving immediately upon finding out.

Again, congratulations. As Trdd said, there is usually some pain along with the relief of getting the D. Let it sink in for a while. Enjoy. Then onward and upward.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4674   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8690937
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 3:53 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Congratulations Max, well done.

posts: 2439   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8690976
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smolderingdark ( member #64064) posted at 1:01 AM on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021

For what it is worth congratulations.

Block your ex wife on all platforms and avenues of communication.

For any messages that get through disregard no matter how desperate or pitiable she may sound. It will be a ploy. You have seen the real woman you married through your ordeal.

Change the locks to your home. Do no meet with her for any reason.

All the best going forward.

posts: 136   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2018
id 8691285
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 1:08 AM on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021

^^^

Excellent advice. You’ll move on quick with zero contact.

[This message edited by Marz at 1:08 AM, Saturday, October 2nd]

posts: 6685   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8691287
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 11:57 AM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

In with anger, out with love, her loss is your gain. Now be the man she let go. A strong no nonsense captain America type. Compassionate, strong, sensitive type. Oh and cut all ties with exW. Who wants to be with a cheater? Ensure all her shit is gone and now reinvent yourself.
Now take your new life one day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1199   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8692623
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