I read your old post. So you went from this:
I was lucky if we had sex once a week, but I never relented asking for it everyday. One particular day, she had made a comment that I was a sex addict. This happened about 5 minutes after we had sex. I was taken aback because that was the first time we had sex in 3-4 weeks. That's when I decreased my intimacy requests to about once a week (which she would sometimes still turn down). I totally forgot about this until today.
I often get "woken" up each night by her hugging me and trying to initiate sex, trying to sort of get me off guard and lustful, and my repeated pleas to never do it again are unheard.
Ever since the affair was discovered has she flipped your sex life script completely? It's day and night, the denying you for so long (will get to the one off bunny-sex-a-thon to get pregnant later) and now all of a sudden she is clawing at you. I've never heard/read of wayward initiating hysterical bonding but is this what is happening here or is this manipulation on her part? You also wrote that she used your supposed lack of affection, when it was her pushing you away and rejecting any attempts to innate intimacy, as her excuse for cheating, it's very erratic behavior.
You mention she calls herself the "bad girl" yet this is from the same person who scolds you unjustly for wanting to be intimate even thought it's so infrequently? That doesn't gel so what does she mean? is she referring to now that she cheated? or her wild past?? How can she explain denying you intimacy, scolding you for it when you try to have some but also say she is a the bad girl for being wild? I sympathize CMD because that's so confusing I have no idea how you're trying to make sense of this.
You give examples of obsessive behavior around your WWs actions. There are frequent examples of begging and repetitive questioning to the point she doesn't even care about her personal hygiene (walking around with a face full of snot/ needing a shower) and repeats over and over if you are going to leave her not caring about anything else. You also mention an almost fixated shadowing when she was interested in you at school and if you didn't give her the "right" level of attention back that would make her sulk and almost cry. All disturbing. You then mention when she made her mind up to tell the world about her affair she, in an obsessive manor, told everyone, not just friends and family but strangers too.
See what I'm getting at with this? Again obsessive behavior. But there is more.
From reading her correspondence to AP are you picking up on, not a cry for help because she is depressed (her excuse), but more an obsession with him? Could the reason why he broke up with her be because he ran a mile away from the crazy lady? Not protecting or defending any AP here, just her motives/personality and why it never ended. In your own words, she continued for a year after AP broke up with her to try and get him back, that's some determination for "just sex". You assume he got what he wanted and then left but maybe it was her obsessiveness that pushed him away? Not for a minute do I believe there was no sex in those first two years, cheating adults do not "just kiss", if he wanted her do you honestly think he would wait two whole years and just stick to kissing when he got his hands on her? They weren't kissing out in public were they.
You also mention that she decided to save email correspondence with AP, choose not to delete it, so when you did find out she could prove the affair was over? I don't know what to make of that but that I get some cold calculation vibes off of that. She never intended for you to find out about the A, put all that effort into hiding those voicemails and texts you mentioned in the first post, lied and then lied again then lied some more but during all of that hiding and lying and gaslighting she chooses to keep "proof" for you? This is the same person right? What's giving the cold calculation vibes the most is it's planned convenient proof that this affair is over, everything else she was desperate to hide and lie about but this, this she chooses to keep. You would think all of it is kept then and shared or nothing at all.
Again the obsession is demonstrated with conception of your son, not only was she wanting it multiple times a day to fall pregnant but she forgot how pregnancy's tests even work and took one every three days? She is a MD, she should know what an ovulation cycle is and how pregnancy tests work, every 3 days??? They don't work like that, why the obsession with testing (and the fixation with conception)? As for paternity, I hear you, there is no doubt in your mind. Still up to you if you want to DNA test but PLEASE do not tell her your plans for this, she could tamper with test or results or it might spark new erratic obsessive behavior. Keep that quite, you do not need to tell her until after you have the results, or never. With the obsessive need to "try" to get pregnant right after you married, If the time with AP overlaps at all, even prior to the wedding, get one done. If your son was born early, get one done. But if there is no overlapping or if paternity is not an issue then don't get one, you're dealing with such an unhinged wayward while also trying to recover from infidelity and that is stressful enough.
CMD there are patterns here, not just recent behaviors. This is a wayward who needs help to be a safe partner, not just to figure out her "whys" for infidelity.
As for you losing weight, my therapist and doctor recommended meal replacement shakes, not only do that require no effort to make, they give you that boost of hydration needed (as you likely know) and keep up your nutrients needed to function. A lot of us are the same, the appetite just vanishes, we lose weight, we don't drink enough water, the shakes keep the nutrients and hydration up. Consider getting a tub to get through the week or fortnight, got to be healthy for bubs and yourself.
If you choose to R please don't rush into marriage counseling, your wife is not well and needs therapy for her to become a safe partner for you.
[This message edited by LostInHisFog at 9:31 AM, July 8th (Thursday)]