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Just Found Out :
I thought we were in good relationship, then I found wife cheati

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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

Sky .... how are you doing?

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8675178
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 Sky706 (original poster new member #78946) posted at 11:08 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

Thank you for the advice. It helped me to see the situation and WS has behaved as predicted.

Whenever poly was mentioned, she has reiterated that she will go for it to prove that she is not contacting OM.

In the same breath, she has said that it may also lead to our separation.( because I'll know that she's telling truth, and as i don't trust her it's difficult for her to continue).i have not reacted to this statement as i think she's threatening me against going ahead with polygraph. I have noticed her getting angry and appears rattled, for few seconds when we discuss poly.

Its difficult to get poly test in uae. One UK based polygrapher is travelling to UAE for a corporate and he emailed that he can conduct a poly, £1500 for a meeting and report. Is this normal cost?

WS has been telling me that she is not in contact with OM. She revealed that on OM birthday, a month back she was so tempted to contact him ,she miscalled his what'sapp. But she didn't contact him. She was able to overcome the temptation to contact him. This was only thing that came close to contacting him. I don't know why she told this. If she had temptation after a year, that means feelings are present and she would have contacted him before his bday. His bday is may1.on april 30, 2020 they went for trip where they had intimate moments. On april 29,2021 she had removed whatsapp profile pic ( our pic) and replaced with her pic. I had asked her then are you doing it because it's your anniversary. She had then reverted back to old pic.

WS is always telling me that she's talking to me maintaining eye contact and one cannot lie looking in eye.

Her talk is very convincing and i nearly believe that she's not contacting OM. But I'm convinced that they are in touch and i told WS that I'm sure that you guys are in contact, only thing i want is confession from your end otherwise you are destroying the marriage and making it difficult as each day passes by.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8675605
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 11:40 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

Don't mind her manipulations and threats. Does she blame you of not trusting her? Admit it and make it clear that you don't trust her. As a proven liar and deceiver, could she give you one reason to trust her?

Also, the polygraph test will verify not only whether they are still in contact, but the extent of their A.

posts: 564   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 11:51 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

Stay the course. You're doing great!

posts: 398   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8675624
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 1:19 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

WS has been telling me that she is not in contact with OM. She revealed that on OM birthday, a month back she was so tempted to contact him ,she miscalled his what'sapp.

This is not believable. I suggest you try calling someone with the app and see for yourself. She's preparing you for more trickle truth.

WS is always telling me that she's talking to me maintaining eye contact and one cannot lie looking in eye.

That's a lie. People lie looking into another's eyes all the time. I'm sure many WSes here have. I know my XWBF did and they were not small lies either.

1,500 is high for a polygraph test. But what value do you place on moving forward knowing you either have the truth from her or she's still lying? How much value do you place on her coming out with more of the truth between now and the test? If the polygraph would push her towards D, she'd be separating and filing already. Not just threatening to. She's hoping you will back off and not go through with it in order to stay married.

Call her bluff and move forward with the test. Make her prove it to you that she's being honest now. Look around for other administrators if you are concerned about the price. Just don't back down and allow her to get away with obvious lies and bull crap.

posts: 5072   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8675656
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 1:28 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

People with nothing to hide - hide nothing.

Bluff about the date of the polygraph. Inform her that the test is in 3 days (reschedule at the last minute).

Remind her that confessing today will make R difficult - but continued lying/withholding information will guarantee divorce (and full public exposure, including her family).

Remind her that she has been deceitful in carrying on with the OM behind your back; as well as provided inappropriate sexual acts with the OM.

Therefore, it is her fault that you no longer can trust anything she says about the OM.

In the context of the OM, your trust is broken until she (SHE) rebuilds it.

A polygraph is the first step.

And remind her it should cover their entire relationship after she was married as well as continued contact. If there's anything she forgot to tell you, she should confess now.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 7:31 PM, July 14th (Wednesday)]

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8675657
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 1:39 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

You need to take full control.

Do not let her threaten 'separation' (that's her taking control away from you).

You're the victim of her inappropriate behavior.

Therefore, you get to decide what the consequences are. You get to decide what proof you need (not her).

Remind her that separation or divorce is 100% your decision as a consequence of her adultery. And either will lead to you immediately exposing her adultery to family and coworkers.

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8675664
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 2:00 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

WS is always telling me that she's talking to me maintaining eye contact and one cannot lie looking in eye.

Not true. A good liar has no problem looking you in the eye. Stop seeing what you want to see versus what is.

I know a guy who’s wife took his face in her hands and lovingly told him he needed to trust her as she was going out to a work function. She promptly fucked her AP again that night.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8675671
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 2:02 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

You only need enough proof for yourself. Words are meaningless. Her actions tell you what you need to know.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8675672
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 Sky706 (original poster new member #78946) posted at 6:04 AM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Wife has agreed for polygraph but i see it happening only after a year as UAE do not have any.I will have to wait for her to visit me in US, in 2023.

As im in uae for a month, she has taken few days leave and is very caring and loving towards me.

We have been discussing the affair and she has been asking to belive her that she is NC with OM for a year now.

Can the WS repeatedly deny about contact with OM and lie to BS? I think that they are in contact but do not have any proof. WS also know that i don't have any hard evidence so my attempts at bringing out a confession is not working.

The polygraph appears to be the only solution but ill have to wait a year.not knowing whether WS is telling the truth or she is lying, trying to hide the affair is driving me nuts.. How do i handle it??

WS behavior is still suspicious.I have installed spyware in her phone,but has not got anything. Sometimes i wonder whether i have become so paranoid and imagining things?

[This message edited by Sky706 at 12:18 AM, July 26th (Monday)]

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678435
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 6:19 AM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

WS behavior is still suspicious.I have installed spyware in her phone,but has not got anything. Sometimes i wonder whether i have become so paranoid and imagining things?

It is better to be paranoid about things than to play it safe and then same thing happens again. You should check if they might be using other communication media like burner phones, they might be reaching out using their company communications and other stuff. You should check on that.

Good luck!

posts: 398   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678437
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 1:56 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

As mentioned, check for a burner phone but if you really want to have the best shot at finding out, contact a PI and tell him to start his work after you leave, if they are meeting you will have your answer quickly, in the meantime you can get a VAR and place it in her car, you could order one online.

posts: 2473   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8678472
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 2:58 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Sometimes i wonder whether i have become so paranoid and imagining things?

Sky,

This is HER job to attempt the rebuilding of trust. The polygraph, honestly, is a tiny factor overall. You don't have access to one, so it's no longer part of the equation....for now. If she can't find methods to rebuild trust, then it will be a failure on her part, along with the fact that she created the distrust.

My advice would be to stop leading the way. Let her know, very plainly, that there is no current trust, and it is up to her to earn it back. Rebuilding a shattered marriage is a team effort; rebuilding trust will be an individual effort....and that is hers alone to try. Her efforts will SHOW you her level of commitment. The difficult part for you is to watch with you eyes and your brain....not your heart.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3855   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8678487
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 Sky706 (original poster new member #78946) posted at 6:04 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

I dont think she has a burner phone.its not available in UAE.Im breaking my head thinking how they communicate. Thats what making me mad and affecting my mood. Im getting irritated and short tempered.The only way is she's carrying a second phone.

Knowing that polygraph will have to wait makes it difficult. Should i act normally being nice to WS knowing that she may be chatting behind my back.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678559
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Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 7:16 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Why are you willing to put yourself through this Hell for at least another year?

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone!!! She, on the other hand, has to prove EVERYTHING!!!

But I go back to my original question. Why are you willing to put yourself through this hell for at least another year?

You know what she has done already. And there is nothing wrong with what she has done as being a dealbreaker for you.

There’s only one person who is keeping you in this hell, and that’s you.

Good luck, stay strong, and do whatever it needs to be done to be able to look yourself in the mirror each morning.

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8678576
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 7:40 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

My understanding is that if she communicates over wifi at work, it won't be identified as a text or call in your phone account.

Could he be a facebook friend under another name; or does she participate on an online forum/club (or game) with a direct text feature; could she use the office text app and delete immediately; or could they be using a Word file stored on the office server to communicate?

Could she install a text app at prearranged times and then uninstall after they chat?

Cheaters often lie up until the day they are faced with the polygraph. It's called a parking lot confession.

One thing you can do now to encourage her to be honest is:

Remind her that if the future polygraph test reveals that she lied about their last contact (or anything else, like their sexual history)- then she can find her own way home.

That without further discussion or advance warning you will immediately expose her affair to everyone and file for divorce.

Therefore, if she wants to save her marriage and reputation she must confess now (not even next week or next month - but now before you leave).

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8678583
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RocketRaccoon ( member #54620) posted at 4:47 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

I dont think she has a burner phone.its not available in UAE.

Can you elaborate more on this? I am in a country that does not have burner phones also, but we can purchase more than one mobile phone.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 908   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8678766
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 5:03 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

The only way is she's carrying a second phone.

This is also considered a burner phone. She might be using it only to communicate with OM. You can investigate further if she has one. She may be leaving it in her car or she just uses it in her office. If you can investigate her finances if she's paying for another phone data. You can check her card history.

posts: 398   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678769
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 9:28 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

Sky...how are you doing? Your wife is under a lot of pressure facing a polygraph.

Are you safe?

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8679968
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 Sky706 (original poster new member #78946) posted at 3:24 AM on Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

@Robert22205https

Thanks for your message. I'm good. I'm trying to keep myself focused on my short term goal, graduation.

WS has repeatedly said that she's revealed everything to me and whatever she said on the day she was caught is the whole truth.The agreement is to do polygraph whenever she visits USA. But we will have to wait for at least a year for that.

WS has said she's not contacting OM and asked me to believe her and rebuild our relationship. Till she does polygraph,I am not going to raise the issue as it will lead to arguments. There's lot of anger and resentment between us and we both get triggered for small incidents. WS says i am emotionally harassing her.I have told her the bigger issue is affair and only polygraph can bring a solution.

I believe that WS is in contact with OM but I dont have proof and i have stopped spying her regular phone as im sure that if they are communicating its using different phone. I am leaving everything to polygraph and have no other option but to wait till then.

Its difficult phase of life.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8680751
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