asc1226 ( Member #75363) posted at 2:48 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021
Glad you got a break from the drama TWO.
I make edits, words is hard
HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 6:46 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021
That is absolutely the right approach. Your WW has an attorney, and so do you. They can talk. Talking with her now will serve you no purpose as she'll probably just try to get you to agree to terms that are unfavorable for you. She is going to owe alimony and she wants you to just forgo b/c you're man. screw that noise.
I'd say, let her say whatever she has to say, which may provide you with a glimpse of what her strategy might be with her attorney, and simply tell her that you think its best to let your respective counsel hash things out. Good luck with her coming around and keep moving forward
Jameson1977 ( Member #54177) posted at 8:18 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021
Great update TWO.
Absolutely, let her “speak to you” through the lawyers, no need to engage at all. Stay strong!
RealityBlows ( Member #41108) posted at 10:23 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021
Now that she's lawyer'd up she may become emboldened and defiant. You're about to see the real Mrs TWO. If she loved you unconditionally, she would take responsibility and treat you with respect and compassion through the D process. If the love was by conditional degrees, you're about to find out to what degree-if any. Do your part to keep things civil. Don't unnecessarily antagonize. Don't be a smart ass. Don't try and impress your SI bro's.
guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021
I don't think it would be a problem to listen to her. Now that she has a lawyer, it means she has accepted the divorce. It would be helpful not to escalate tensions for an amicable divorce.
Listening to her doesn't mean engaging with her. You don't have to respond and agree with what she says.
Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 1:40 AM on Saturday, June 5th, 2021
Anyway, when I got back the STBXW called me and dressed me down for not keeping my phone on. I yawned and asked her what she wanted. She says she coming back to the house, that she retained a lawyer, and that she wants to talk to me.
Didn’t take long for the enabled princess to rise up. She still thinks she’s got some control
Talk = nothing
rambler ( Member #43747) posted at 4:01 AM on Saturday, June 5th, 2021
There is nothing to gain by talking with her. Her lawyer should contact yourx .
Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 12:10 AM on Sunday, June 6th, 2021
Strength and smooth seas.
One day at a time.
J0ck ( Member #47763) posted at 11:04 AM on Sunday, June 6th, 2021
Newlifeisgreat ( Member #71308) posted at 2:06 PM on Sunday, June 6th, 2021
Just checking in on you?
How are you doing?
Hang in there, stay strong.
You will get through this and will come out the other side much, much better!!! In just a few months you will look back on this a wonder why you ever put up with her ever slightest bit of disrespect and craziness!
Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 7:15 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Things are going okay. The wife came back home on June 6. We didn't talk right away. It wasn't until about 11:00 that night that she knocked on my door and we moved the conversation to the kitchen. As I was makingmyself a bowl of muesli I listened to her drone on an on about how paying me the alimony I am asking for would make it impossible to live in a comfortable way. Total bullshit by the way, and I looked at her in such a way as to let her know that. I listened to her and at the end told her I understood her stance and asked her to convey that to her lawyer and that he could talk it over with mine. So I p[assed the buck and did not engage. That frustrated her ,and she started getting snippy. I told her I was not talking to her anymore if she was going to get upset and I turned around and went into my room. I heard her slam something. She didn't bother me again that night.
The next morning she caught me in the kitchen again and asked if we could go to marriage counseling. She told me that she had broken things off completely with the OM and that she wanted to see if I was interested in fixing the marriage. I told her simply "No. I am not interested in fixing a marriage that has not existed for a long time. Now please don't ask again. I'm not talking to you about anything except our son r the divorce." I then left and went to my health club.
Since then she has not talked to me. We come and go and have no interaction. The lawyers are talking. That is all I know for now. I am fine. I cannot tell how she is doing. She has always been a stoic, so it is hard to tell where her head is. I have not heard anymore from her parents. I did see the pastor a few days ago and he just asked me if I was doing okay, and we talked a bit about the construction of the new addition. He has not tried to get me to reconcile with my wife.
gemini12 ( New Member #78670) posted at 7:28 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Glad you're doing ok, TWO.
You got this.
Buster123 ( Member #65551) posted at 8:08 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Tigersrule77 ( Member #47339) posted at 8:23 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
You handled that very well. Good job.
jinkazama ( Member #61319) posted at 9:30 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Congrats for 100 posts 😊
KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 10:42 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Wow, TWO, you really have the upper hand here. That's amazing how well you can do the Grey Rock thing. I do wonder what has made her shift from stunned, sad acceptance of the inevitable (when you confronted her) to this new commitment to reconciling? I suspect it is and always has been about money, plain and simple.
OH! I mean to ask, big, important issue: Your previous comments seem to indicate that word is getting around your church that you two are divorcing, and the reason why you are divorcing (perhaps?). You didn't clarify if the OM attends your church (and his wife) so I have to ask, does his wife know, yet? Is your STBX going to tell her? (yeah, I know.... stop laughing, sometimes you have to ask rhetorical questions.. )
[This message edited by KingofNothing at 4:46 PM, June 9th (Wednesday)]
Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill
BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place
rambler ( Member #43747) posted at 4:38 AM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021
Good job in keeping your cool. She is not trying too hard. MC would be a waste.
Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 6:35 AM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021
Marriage Counseling? The marriage wasn’t broken she is.
[This message edited by Marz at 12:35 AM, June 10th (Thursday)]
Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 10:13 AM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021
Hey TWO good communicating to STBX about what you are desirous about. Let the lawyers do what they are paid to do. Yours is looking after your best interest not her lifestyle.
Have you spoken to OBS or are you waiting until the D is final?
One day at a time.
SquirrelFace ( New Member #52946) posted at 3:24 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021
...would make it impossible to live in a comfortable way.
...asked if we could go to marriage counseling. She told me that she had broken things off completely with the OM and that she wanted to see if I was interested in fixing the marriage.
Not a single word about her understanding about how you must feel. Totally self-absorbed about her loss of lifestyle and status. She has to put you back in your place and keep your utility to her. Go back to business as usual.
I'd be half tempted to go to marriage counseling just to get a sick inside look at just how solipsistic she is.
But then no one accused me of being normal.