Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
My Wife is Cheating and I'm Glad

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DictumVeritas ( Member #74087) posted at 5:43 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Sorry to hear, but divorce is a contact sport and there are very few "amicable" exceptions.

Listen to your lawyer and I hope he/she is a real shark.

Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2020   ·   location: South-Africa
id 8669846
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 5:44 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

You should have expected this. IMO your response was excellent. Now go into a hard NO CONTACT. There is nothing left to discuss.

I suspect they will cave now that they found out you are going to go the hard core nuclear option.

Her spending marital funds on her lover boy was a great comeback.

Nice going!!!!!

[This message edited by Marz at 11:46 AM, June 25th (Friday)]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8669847
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ramius ( Member #44750) posted at 5:48 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

I’ve heard it said that you will never truly know who your spouse is…… Until you divorce them.

How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?

Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.

posts: 1604   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014
id 8669850
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Newlifeisgreat ( Member #71308) posted at 5:55 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Sorry, but it was inevitable

Good luck, stay strong, and now that you see that it’s not going to be amicable, I strongly suggest that you get a voice activated Recorder (VAR) and keep it in your shirt pocket at all times. This is where she becomes crazy, and start making wild accusations. While it may not be perfect, the VAR Might just give you a little bit of evidence that her wild claims, if she starts to make them, are not true.

Good luck, stay strong, and keep your head down.

You will get through this., And I promise that things are a heck of a lot better on the other side.

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8669857
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Tigersrule77 ( Member #47339) posted at 6:13 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TWO, sorry to hear about that.

I totally understand your frustration. My advice to you is to try to look at this now as just business. You both have accepted the M is over. Now you are just settling the terms.

As an outsider, I can give you a different view. Your WW's lawyer sent a counteroffer that you find ludicrous. In negotiations, this is pretty typical. Ask for a million when a realistic number would be half of that and hope that you finish where you want. I'm betting that you are angry because you felt your original offer was fair, but the counter was way out of line. It's a natural response. Try to look at things from a business perspective.

What was your laywer's advice? Does he/she recommend going to court or continuing the negotiation? You can reject it out of hand and let them try again. I don't know the specifics of your case or the attorney, so I don't know what makes sense. All I know is court is expensive and you and your WW seem to want to protect your assets.

posts: 1512   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8669877
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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 6:15 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

if there was ever any doubt, now you know precisely who and what she is.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4222   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8669880
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 6:32 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TWO,

Unless I am missing something, it sounds like the counteroffer was equal distribution from both sides, but a reduced alimony? Is that correct?

Did the two of you purchase the house after marriage? Were the retirement funds and investment funds substantial prior to marriage? I know laws vary state to state, but being the general rule-of-thumb is equal distribution of all monies, especially post-marriage, I'm not surprised of a counteroffer that mimicked that. We know that her 'guilty conscious' was not going to offer anything extra.

Again, if I missed big details, disregard this post.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8669896
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Butforthegrace ( Member #63264) posted at 6:42 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

I blew it. I broke the 180, but I was so damn pissed.

Do not text or email a single communication to her from now on. Every word you communicate to her is likely to end up in front of a judge at this point. The only communication should come from your legal counsel.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8669905
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This0is0Fine ( Member #72277) posted at 6:44 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TWO,

If she wants war, give her war. She is the enemy now. Treat her as such. This is an informational war.

You do not give the enemy ammunition. You do not give them aid or comfort. You protect yourself from them in every action you take.

Listen to your lawyer. Do not talk to her anymore. If you MUST talk to her, do it via text message or email ONLY. Extremely cordial, and extremely concise. (I know this is the opposite of what BFTG just wrote, but I think we actually mean the same thing here: don't give her any ammo).

Time to get back to 180/grey rock around her.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 12:45 PM, June 25th (Friday)]

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8669907
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gemini12 ( New Member #78670) posted at 7:01 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TWO,

Sorry to hear her counter offer but I'm not surprised. You should have tossed the pizza back at her when you had the chance.

Time to use all the documentation of her cheating exploits to your advantage.

My ex tried the same crap and I used everything I had, texts, pictures, PI report, etc. She folded like a cheap suit.

Hang in there.

posts: 46   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2021
id 8669919
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HappilyMarried1 ( Member #77296) posted at 7:11 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TWO,

Now she has gone nuclear, I would tell her you will win in court and if she continues down this path, once you win in court and get in writing what she has to provide you that since she wants to play hardball. You will expose and provide her company's HR dept and the owner about her activities on company time and probably some company money as well. This may change her mind and if she takes your original proposal that you will never mention any of her deeds to her company.

[This message edited by HappilyMarried1 at 1:13 PM, June 25th (Friday)]

posts: 66   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2021
id 8669926
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 7:24 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

TheWrongOne,

Earlier you wrote

the affair partner is a guy who is a subcontractor to the construction company she works for. She and I have both known him for many years and I know his wife pretty well. My wife is the CFO of her company and is in a position where she manages all the money going in and out of the company.

The affair partner is an electrician. I am a structural engineer and I do consulting work for my wife's company. I know most of the project managers and executives there and if any of them were to find out through the grapevine that she and this guy were hooking up and that is what ended our marriage it could cause issues for her.

If this goes to court, could you subpoena the AP regarding the affair? Just the hint from your lawyer that you plan to subpoena the AP may cause her and her legal team to reconsider a lengthy court battle and agree to a settlement...

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8669941
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 7:28 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

If things get to the point where they can't get any worse for you, you have a weapon of disclosure; to her company, OBS and the society of course. Even if you get nothing, you destroy their world.

Maybe they decided to be together, otherwise she shouldn't have acted so recklessly. Or it's just her stupidity, I don't know.

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8669945
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Butforthegrace ( Member #63264) posted at 8:15 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

the affair partner is a guy who is a subcontractor to the construction company she works for. She and I have both known him for many years and I know his wife pretty well. My wife is the CFO of her company and is in a position where she manages all the money going in and out of the company.

The affair partner is an electrician. I am a structural engineer and I do consulting work for my wife's company. I know most of the project managers and executives there and if any of them were to find out through the grapevine that she and this guy were hooking up and that is what ended our marriage it could cause issues for her.

You definitely don't want to rock that boat prior to the D. If you undercut her position as CFO, you undercut your ability to get an award of alimony.

After the D, tell the AP's wife about the A.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8669981
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 8:37 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Good job for standing your ground! You have all the evidences so nothing to worry about.
All the best!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8670000
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Atrowspark ( Member #63200) posted at 8:38 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

I understand your anger, but it probably would have been better if you had not told her what info you had (i.e. the money she spent on hotels and gifts). No need to give info that will only help her and her lawyer to prepare.

posts: 83   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2018
id 8670001
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Atrowspark ( Member #63200) posted at 8:38 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

I understand your anger, but it probably would have been better if you had not told her what info you had (i.e. the money she spent on hotels and gifts). No need to give info that will only help her and her lawyer to prepare.

posts: 83   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2018
id 8670002
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Wanttobebetter ( Member #72484) posted at 11:19 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

if there was ever any doubt, now you know precisely who and what she is.

agree 100%. The tears and wanting to work on the marriage are all for show.

TWO - sorry if someone asked or you answered. If you end up fighting your WW in court, couldn't/wouldn't your lawyer be deposing your WW and possibly her AP? I would imagine she wants to not have this shit show in public but if it ends up there it becomes public record? I thought she is very conscious of her image in her social circle. I wonder what her end game is knowing her A would be exposed if she continues this path.

posts: 138   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2020
id 8670086
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Jameson1977 ( Member #54177) posted at 1:06 AM on Saturday, June 26th, 2021

TWO, don’t fret about the 180, just continue forward with it. She has shown you her true colours. I would highly recommend the VAR whenever you are in contact. Make sure she is aware that you are recording. You have no idea what she is capable of now.

Great advise from Tigersrule77.

posts: 719   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2016
id 8670114
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LH42301 ( New Member #53756) posted at 6:01 AM on Saturday, June 26th, 2021

I seldom post on this site, it follow certain situations.

You have leverage to use. Let’s think tactically. First and foremost, she appears to be a narcissist. You know that. That is her weakness, aka the Achilles heal.

So, fire a salvo in her direction via a letter to your former pastor and th. Burch deacons detailing why you are divorcing.

She will contact you, you wanna her do not fuck with me. You fuck with me I disclose your shenanigans to your employer, POSOMs wife, and the whole ducking world if you do not play ball.

She is an entitled bully, too, from my take.

You have leverage....use it.

If you are going through hell, keep on going-Winston Churchill

posts: 17   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Kentucky
id 8670148
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