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Cooking disasters

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DragnHeart posted 4/6/2021 12:00 PM

I want to hear (read) what you've cooked that was just a total disaster. Whether it be the food itself or the preparation.

I'll go first.

Funnel cakes. No one ever told me about these. Have a bunch of cooking pages liked on FB and saw a post about funnel cakes. Thought to myself that doesn't look hard lets do it.

In this instance, it was in the technique. I need better tongs to flip with. Tried a spatula and splashed oil onto the burner. Burner a la flame lol. I also think the batter, despite following the recipe, was to thick. Made for very puffy funnel cake. Still delicious.

I once saw a recipe for using Coke to cook chicken. Never again. When you cook Coke it cooks down into a black sludge. Yuck.

PricklePatch posted 4/6/2021 15:51 PM

We have a family recipe of meatballs made with onion soup mix, then cooked in a cast iron pan. My Mom made this and served it over rice. You remove the meatballs, make a rue and add water to make a brown gravy adding mushrooms. Every time I have tried to make this I end up with lumps of rue in water. My sister has no issues, converted it to turkey.

My other cooking issue is pancakes. I either have the center raw or over cook them.

The whole thing is embarrassing. The pancake thing I kinda of get. I learned to cook on electric stove now I cook on gas.

DragnHeart posted 4/6/2021 16:03 PM

Well its a rule, the first pancake never turns out correctly lol

Im glad i dont cook for guests.

I have gone all out making an amazing fancy dinner only to have my kids all to ask if they can have chicken nuggets and fries...

I have to say i am very sick of chicken.

Have you asked your sister if she uses a whisk or hand held blender?

Jeaniegirl posted 4/6/2021 16:17 PM

I'm a southern cook like my Mom and grandmothers before me. I like to cook.

But I cannot, for the life of me, make home-made bread. When very young I'd watch it being made and I loved the smell of it baking. My great grandmother would give me a slice hot from the oven .. and I'd put her home-made butter on it and I was in heaven! But ... No matter WHAT I do, it turns out flat and taste nothing like bread. My former MIL, whom I loved (and she was a GREAT cook) tried to teach me. She finally said ....'you are too impatient to make bread. You should just buy it."

Now when it comes to southern FRY bread, I am the champ! Garlic flavored and hot out of the Crisco in my cast iron skillet, it's wonderful. But I Long to make a really pretty, tasty loaf of real home-made bread or rolls.

DragnHeart posted 4/6/2021 17:43 PM

Oh i hear you about bread.

Making traditional Ukrainian bread is a long process and includes braiding. I have never done it up to the standard my mother does. Lol

homewrecked2011 posted 4/6/2021 18:01 PM

I made a cake with pudding added into the batter. Before it cooled, I iced the cake and 1/2 imploded. It was very delicious, though.

3kids30years posted 4/6/2021 18:42 PM

I once, many years ago, put a pan of water on the stove for pasta.

Proceeded to get distracted doing....... who knows.

About 30/45 minutes later, Smoke alarm and lots of smoke. Bottom of pan is gone.

So, yes, I burned water.

DragnHeart posted 4/6/2021 18:53 PM

Thank you!!!!

Love reading these. Makes me feel so much better.

Making dinner tonight, i had to turn one burner off, leave the other on simmer. I switched the burners by accident and burnt the pot that was supposed to be turned off.....fml.

I need to stop havibg nightmares and actually sleep lol

thebighurt posted 4/6/2021 19:48 PM

Did you know that if you forget pasta is cooking on the stove, it becomes just cloudy water when you finally go back to it? Well, that would be IF you remember while there is still water in the pan....., 3K30Y!

I love to bake and would like to try making a chiffon cake. A cookbook that came from my Mother and is very old has some delicious sounding recipes for them that I thought of trying. That is, until I first turned the page following those recipes and the title of that page is, "Reasons Your Chiffon Cake Failed". Have never worked up the desire to actually try any of them...... Might be interesting, though, to see which "Failure" photo and reason might match MY result!

leafields posted 4/7/2021 00:25 AM

I cook corned beef on the stove for hours. (Boil in water for 1 hour, drain then cover in beer and add the seasoning packet.) Slow simmer on stove till done.

Took a nap and woke up to a pan that had burned up and was smoking. Threw the entire thing away.

My mom was great at breads, so I haven't tried. I miss her cinnamon rolls and dinner rolls.

I've had some success in other things. I'm lactose intolerant and have made my own clam chowder, sausage gravy and chicken & gnocchi soup.

DragnHeart posted 4/7/2021 08:07 AM

I have recipes from my grandmother. Hand written. I want so badly to do them but fear it will turn out bad and she will roll in her grave.

Biggest regret is not spending more time with her.

She taught my brothers and i to make. She was a professional baker and cake decorator. I just wish i had spent more time than i did.

EvenKeel posted 4/7/2021 08:22 AM

I want so badly to do them but fear it will turn out bad and she will roll in her grave.
Ahhh - I think she would be honored regardless of how it comes out!

I have a few of my Gram's as well. I go into the process fully expecting it to NEVER taste like hers (it doesn't).

Now my cousin actually went to my Gram's before she passed and make the recipes WITH her. Ironically, my cousin is the only one who can duplicate the recipe and have it come out tasting like my Grams.

Whether it is great or flops - you are honoring her. Give it a whirl!

DragnHeart posted 4/7/2021 09:20 AM

Thank you EvenKeel!

I think ill spend a day or two of spring break with the kids making these recipes. Combine quality family time with honouring my grandmother.

grubs posted 4/7/2021 13:50 PM

But I cannot, for the life of me, make home-made bread. When very young I'd watch it being made and I loved the smell of it baking.

Dad used to make bread on Sunday. He kept the flour in a trash can under the kitchen table as he bought it in 50 lb bags. Mom was a nurse that had to work most weekends.I really want to try this myself, but need to wait until the wife's done with her current diet. That might be grounds for divorce if I did it now.

Speaking of Mom, she once killed our guinea pig boiling eggs. Forgot about them and left them cooking as she ran us to school. I think we all know where my ADHD came from.

Lately its German chocolate cake for me. New stove and I just can't get the timing right for it. Either overcooked or under cooked. THe funny thing is I've been making these since I was 14 (4 decades) and this is a recent problem.

[This message edited by grubs at 1:51 PM, April 7th (Wednesday)]

thebighurt posted 4/7/2021 15:46 PM

Over my life I have lived in houses with a gas stove and maybe the next place had an electric stove. Certain recipes that work beautifully on one just DO NOT work on the other. Very disappointing to have something I'm familiar with not be edible. So they may require adjustments in the ingredients or the way they are done to come out the way I expect or desire. Anyone else notice this?

DragnHeart posted 4/7/2021 15:50 PM

I have only ever used electric stoves, or wood, back in the day lol.

I cant speak to gas stoves.

My stove, or maybe the floor is off. Theres a tilt that leaves cakes lop sided. Drives me nuts.

Since i plan to tear up the kitchen soon i am living with lop sided cakes lol

Emotionalhell posted 4/7/2021 21:04 PM

The first time I made gluten free bread it looked so pretty baking in the oven, golden brown top. I was really looking forward to some good gluten free bread. To my surprise it was as hard as a rock!
I decided to give it to my dog. As I cleaned up the kitchen I looked out the window only to see my dog buryi the loaf of bread like he would a bone. 😂😂

Another time I was broiling some hamburgers in the oven. I had to put one of the hamburgers back in to broil a little longer. As I was talking with my son in the kitchen I noticed smoke rolling out from the back of the cookstove were it vents. Even though I had drained off all the grease my baking sheet had caught on fire. My son and I are talking back-and-forth about what to do to put it out. While the room was filling up it with with smoke my husband was completely oblivious to what was going on as he sat across the room from us on his computer. I finally remembered that I had some flour in the house and was able to put it out with the flour. But needless to say since I canít have gluten that was not my burger it was someone elseís. My husband would of never known about the fire in the oven if my son hadnít told him.

NorthernMSB posted 4/8/2021 05:06 AM

Jeaniegirl Baking and bread are a science. Do you have a Dutch oven? A small VERY heavy casserole dish with a lid?
In a big bowl, mix 1 1/2 cups water ( make sure it is 100-110 degrees F), 2 1/2 teaspoon active or quick yeast, 1/2 tablespoon salt and add 3 1/4 cups bread flour. Mix it with your hands until the flour is mixed in, about 1 minute, form it roughly into a ball. Cover with a cloth and set it aside somewhere warm for about 2 hours until doubled.
Place the Dutch oven in the oven and turn it on to 450F. After the oven is preheated leave the Dutch oven in for another 15 minutes to heat up.

Rip off a piece of parchment paper and dust it lightly with flour. Use a spatula to turn the dough out onto the parchment keeping as much air in the dough as possible. Use the edges of the parchment to flip the dough over so the floured side is up. Use your hands create a rough ball.

Take the Dutch oven out and use the parchment edges to lift the dough in. I usually cut the edges of the parchment off that protrude outside the casserole dish. I often score the top with a few cuts about 1/4 inch deep but you donít have to. Put the lid on, bake 35 minutes, take the lid off, bake 10 minutes.
Remove from the oven and. Use the edges of the parchment to transfer the loaf to somewhere to cool almost. Completely.

This is a thick crust European artisan bread style bread. Let it cool most of the way before cutting so the center has time to dry and the texture will be better.

This is a VERY easy recipe, no kneading or anything. **I was a executive chef for over 20 years. Iíve written 3 bread making cookbooks, one a best seller. EVERYONE should be able to make bread!

NorthernMSB posted 4/8/2021 05:19 AM

PricklePatch Are you making a roux or slurry? A roux is when there is fat in a pot and you whisk in flour until smooth and you cook it out for about 5 minutes and then whisk in broth or another liquid until it thickens up... you would need equal parts fat/flour and 1 cup liquid per 2 tablespoons flour. If you are just using the fat drippings from meatballs, you might have to add a tablespoon of butter to increase the fat. Cooking it out increases the flavor. ??

A slurry wouldnít work in this instance. A slurry is when you whisk flour or cornstarch into a room temperature liquid until smooth and then add it to a pot, whisking. This is usually used to thicken a soup or a sauce that is too thin. It is the shortcut method when you need something thickened.

DragnHeart posted 4/8/2021 07:27 AM

NorthernMSB

Love that recipe!!! Ill have to try it. I do actually have a dutch oven lol

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