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Men I have a question

Topic is Sleeping.

 Underserving (original poster Member #72259) posted at 5:01 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

Trigger warning!!!


I probably seem too far past d-day for this to be a question I’m inquiring about. To be honest, I had never actually given this particular aspect much thought. Now that I have, I’m really curious about it.

I’ve done my own internet research on the topic, but there are so many weirdos and trolls out there, it was hard to take anything these people were saying seriously.

Ok now for the question, is there a huge difference between sex with a condom, and sex without one?

I ask because like most betrayeds, the whole “was the sex better with the AP” has always bothered me. I’m doing better with being confident with my own body and skills in the bedroom, but still have some lingering doubts. My WH used a condom every time with the AP. Hence why I am asking what I am.

If you don’t feel comfortable answering I understand. For those who are, I appreciate you.

Oh and Happy Easter for those who celebrate! Lol could have timed this particular topic for a better day I suppose.

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648004

This0is0Fine ( Member #72277) posted at 5:23 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

Allegedly used a condom.

Its better without. But it's still pretty good with.

Its not a huge difference IMO.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1339   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8648006

Candyman66 ( Member #52535) posted at 5:24 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

Yes sex is MUCH better with OUT one!!! Has his use of "protection" been verified with a lie detector?

Most people LIE about "protection" just read here to see a LOT of stories where they swore that they ALLWAYS used "protection" only to find out that no, they NEVER used "protection"!


posts: 1259   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2016   ·   location: SoCal
id 8648007

 Underserving (original poster Member #72259) posted at 5:30 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

The AP confirmed they used protection every time, and she’s evil enough she would have loved to have told me otherwise. Honestly surprised she didn’t lie about it. I also know how terrified he was of unplanned pregnancies even with me, I know he wouldn’t have risked one with his mistress.

ETA they were not in “cahoots” when I discovered the A. She supposedly didn’t know he was married, and had no reason to lie. Though she did in fact lie about other shit later just to be hurtful. I really believe she would have been happy as a clam to say they did not.

[This message edited by Underserving at 11:44 AM, April 4th (Sunday)]

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648009

Bor9455 ( Member #72628) posted at 5:58 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

I will say that it has been a few years since I’ve used condoms, like back to college which was 15 or so years ago. It is markedly different between wearing one and not wearing one. Not to say that with a condom it can’t be fun, but without is much preferred.

I see you got the information from the AP, but I too was skeptical because one of the first stories my WW told me was that they used condoms, which she later recanted after I read some similar stories here. Feels too much like a line from the cheater handbook we always talk about. If in your case it turns out to be true, what an odd twist that your WH was slightly considerate of you, although it was likely still selfish to not have an unplanned pregnancy more than any altruism towards yourself.

Myself - BH & WH - 35 years (05/24/1985)Her - BW & WW - 34 years (05/25/1986)<P>D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 164   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8648017

Notthevictem ( Member #44389) posted at 7:25 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

I enjoy it better without one.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8648029

Minnesota ( Member #50615) posted at 9:29 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

It's been awhile. I can't remember. :-)

Me: BS Upper 40's
Her: XWW younger 30's
Married Sept. 2010
DDay Thanksgiving 2015
Dday2- Jan28ish, 2016 -new affair
One child (Big Mister) born in 2012
Divorced Sept. 2, 2016

posts: 2110   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2015   ·   location: Minnesota
id 8648049

ZenMumWalking ( Member #25341) posted at 9:43 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

I'm not a man, but I have 3 grown men..... taught them 'no glove no love'

But now that they are grown and are monogamous with gfs, they got sti/std test to avoid using condoms with gfs (gfs on birth control).

So I think they would vote for 'better without'.

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8648051

TheLostOne2020 ( Member #72463) posted at 10:26 PM on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

It's better without.

D-Day 1: New Year's Day 2020
D-Day 2: Jan 21 2020
There was no D-Day 3.

6/12/2020: Moved out.

3/02/2021: Officially divorced.

I'm 42 and just starting to have the answers to the universe...

posts: 892   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2020   ·   location: NoVa
id 8648067

Butforthegrace ( Member #63264) posted at 12:10 AM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

There is more sensation without. That can be good or bad. When I was young and single I used them routinely and you sort of get used to it. Generally, though, the more sensation without one feels better.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8648083

Justsomeguy ( Member #65583) posted at 12:10 AM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

Using a condom is like drinking flavoured coffee, not how God intended it to be.

Yes, big difference, but less so when I was young. I'm old now. I can't hear as well either...

Me:53STBXWW:51DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off.Denied having an affair in court papers.

posts: 1110   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8648084

Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 1:04 AM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

Better without, it’s been 25 years.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 718   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8648093

 Underserving (original poster Member #72259) posted at 1:59 AM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

Thank you for the replies!

I know it’s hard to imagine a wayward using protection, but this is one thing I’m pretty certain of. I could go into all the details of why I believe that, but it would be a long and boring explanation.I will say the AP wanted to intentionally hurt me, but never backtracked on the use of condoms. I discovered the A by pretending to be him on Snapchat. Once I revealed to her I was actually his wife, I proceeded to ask her some questions. The first was “did you use protection?” She said “yes, every single time.” I asked my WH the same without informing him what the AP had said, he knew I had spoken to her, and he said “yes every time.” He told me she wanted to not use them, but he wouldn’t do it. I am not delusional, I know it was because he was scared to death of getting her pregnant. It wasn’t in any way to protect me.

This was weirdly beneficial for me. It doesn’t take out the sting of the A or anything, but helps with the sexual aspect of it. Thank you again for your responses.

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648101

25yearsin ( New Member #75747) posted at 8:10 AM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

No contest, with out a condom.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2020
id 8648125

Wiseoldfool ( Member #78413) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

Ok now for the question, is there a huge difference between sex with a condom, and sex without one?


It’s what we are.

The "it doesn’t feel as good" may be true, but it would be revealed for the red herring it is if they ever make a condom that feels the same as bareback.

posts: 92   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8648158

Dignitas ( Member #75678) posted at 4:06 PM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

It’s substantially better without. The first time I did it without one absolutely blew my mind. I am always distinctly aware of it when I’m wearing one and it really reduces the physical/emotional closeness I feel. I really mean that. It’s not just some “oh it feels a little better physically but whatever.”

It’s to the point that as a guy in my early 20s I can’t envision myself being in a long term relationship where I have to use them. If the stats were better on reversal, I’d get the snip, but they’re not great (especially if it’s >10 years after the original procedure).

I’ve been lucky that every woman I have been seriously so far with has already had some form of birth control that works well for her or has little to no side effects. Of course, I always wrap it up without a second thought until it’s serious and we’ve both been tested.

posts: 76   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2020
id 8648164

HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 7:16 PM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

No Jimmy> With Jimmy

I would say that NO ONE prefers to wear a condom unless they had to; meaning fear of pregnancy or contracting an STD/STI. Not one guy I know would disagree.

I guess for you though, you know that the sex with you and the WH is without one and are pretty adamant about the sex with the AP was with one. I can assure you that you're looking at this the wrong way.

Your WH having sex with the AP even with a condom is not worst, or less fulfilling than having sex with you without one. It was different for him. New ass and tits, trumps what you were providing, otherwise, he wouldn't have gone looking. This is not to say there is something wrong with you, or the way that you two were having sex. Just that in his mind, he was getting more, and NEW, and you could never compete in that way.

I don't think you're going to get the answer here that would solve this new inquiry. Honestly, its all just fucked up. You could have been Halle Berry, and he still would have cheated. Case and point, Halle Berry's husband cheated on her too, and she is smoking hot, has a wonderful career and most men find her attractive. Its NOT the condom, your WH is just fucked up, period

posts: 1145   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8648190

QuitOrNotToQuit ( Member #77181) posted at 7:35 PM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

It differs. In some situations I liked and even preferred sex with condoms (not as protection) but as a rule of thumb sex without condom is always better, m u c h better.

[This message edited by QuitOrNotToQuit at 1:41 PM, April 5th (Monday)]

This old world is in a tangle
You can't trust your closest friend
You know the devil wears a blue dress
And she's out to get you in the end
I can't count the tears I cry
Life is hard and then you die (Life is hard)
Me: BH; He

posts: 92   ·   registered: Jan. 25th, 2021
id 8648194

dogcopter ( Member #77390) posted at 9:42 PM on Monday, April 5th, 2021

It's much better without. This is an easy lie that is difficult to sniff out. And if you were lied to before, odds are good you were lied to again.

I'm sorry

1st D-Day: Nov 2015
Many more D-Days.
nth D-Day: Jan 2021

posts: 283   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2021   ·   location: OH
id 8648211

 Underserving (original poster Member #72259) posted at 1:08 AM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

Thanks again for the replies!

This is not some cure all for me, but if it offers a small bit of relief knowing condoms usually decrease the level of intimacy and overall pleasure of sex, then I’m going to take it.

I could give more examples to how I know with 99% certainty they used condoms each time, but I just don’t have it in me to try and convince any skeptics. Please take me at my word I’m a smart ass lady, and am more analytical than emotional. Which is perhaps why I asked about this particular topic in the first place.

[This message edited by Underserving at 7:08 PM, April 5th (Monday)]

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648244
Topic is Sleeping.
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