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and so it begins

DanielJK posted 3/26/2021 08:01 AM

Today is my first court date in the process of divorce...wish me luck.

I don't expect much today. The CT family courts are so backed up that they require a "resolution plan" court date. That is what I have today. I think it is the CT court system's way of saying "you guys better come to an agreement on your own, or else we are going to be here for a loooonnng time."

Luckily I think we are on our way to an amicable agreement. So far property appraisals have returned in my favor. My STBXWW and her attorney suggested using Zillow for property values; our marital home, and a piece of property she has partial ownership in with her family. I said no, I want appraisals. The marital home came in under the Zillow estimate and her property came in above the Zillow estimate. Both to my benefit, karma is a bitch. (They wanted to use an average of online estimates, not just Zillow.)

I spoke with my attorney yesterday and opposing counsel in in agreement with terms that are favorable to me, so I don't expect this to take much longer. I honestly think a settlement agreement could have been presented today, but hey the attorneys have to make a few bucks, right? Quick settlement = less $.

I believe the appearance will be only a few minutes, essentially to say "we have basically reached an agreement on terms and will present it to the court for approval soon...no need for any dispute resolution via court appearances, no need to set a court date to resolve disputes."

This is not what I want..., but I also need to get out of infidelity. No more limbo. The beatings will not continue and moral will improve.

leafields posted 3/26/2021 09:57 AM

Good luck, Daniel. Let us know how it goes.

BearlyBreathing posted 3/26/2021 10:31 AM

Sending mojo!

asc1226 posted 3/26/2021 14:17 PM

Good luck Daniel, hope this process is as quick and stress free for you as possible.

Apparition posted 3/26/2021 15:53 PM

I hope things went well for your today and that you're one step closer to being out of infidelity and having a peaceful home. I look forward to hearing from you as plans begin to formulate and develop in your life, as you find love, etc. Keep taking care of you. You know you're in my prayers.

guvensiz posted 3/26/2021 18:18 PM

Good luck DanielJK.
I'm sure you are having difficulties that are not reflected here, but you seem to cope well with all these.

blahblahblahe posted 3/26/2021 21:43 PM

One of the keys of happiness I have found is in the removal of questionable people from my life.

I have little doubt you shall find peace in the future and when you look back you will see so many things that were wrong with your X that you could not see today.

Karmafan posted 3/27/2021 04:59 AM

Best of luck DanielJK.

May this be the first day of the rest of your life

HalfTime2017 posted 3/29/2021 16:53 PM

Good luck Daniel. Get out of infidelity. Its the only right move. Keep moving forward

EllieKMAS posted 3/30/2021 12:18 PM

Divorce sucks, but if you guys can come to an amicable agreement that would be awesome. Speaking from my own experience, I feel like my healing progressed by leaps and bounds after my D was final. No longer having to concern myself with his shit was so freeing.

How did it go last week? And how are you and your kids doing with things?

DanielJK posted 3/30/2021 15:02 PM

Thanks for the note EllieKMAS

Friday was uneventful. We’re working toward an amicable agreement. It only took about ten minutes. My attorney explained where we were and noted that there were only a couple of minor details to work out. Her attorney completely botched a question she was asked, embarrassing.

The kids don’t know the final details yet, not sure how they are going to take it. They were not happy when we told them it was a possibility back in September (at that point she only stabbed me in the back three times, I think I’m up to about six at this point).

Today was a pain in the ass. I found out she is stalling on making a decision on the offer I made.

The ball is in her court at the moment. There is an offer on the table. I asked “when are you meeting with your attorney?"

“I don’t have a meeting scheduled yet. Perhaps this week.”

The offer was made last Wednesday, and today she says “yeah, perhaps this week I’ll decide.” Perhaps? Perhaps this week? WTF…I am so sick of waiting on her it’s making me go nuts, I’m about to lose it.

I told her my attorney and I are waiting, so she makes arrangement to meet with her attorney on Thursday.

I have given her an offer of a payout of equity in the house + some of my savings. Not half of my savings as required by state of CT, but some…this is because I will keep the house. This is the deal we worked out, I keep the house, she doesn’t get half of my savings. The house needs work. There is no fucking way I am giving her a fat check to ride off into the sunset while I get stuck with a house that needs work…no fucking way. This is really starting to piss me off.

I told her “I will give you $XX,000 to go away, or we sell the house and do the 50/50 state of CT required split of my savings.” This makes her angry…I get from her “I am not sure what you think you gain by selling the house.”

What do I have to “gain?” …I am losing my family, but somehow I’m “gaining” something? God this is making me angry.

It's also just shows me again what a ass she has always been. Things are always someone else's fault. She can reject the number I gave her, but if I object, then I'm the bad guy.

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it over the next several weeks. It's likely still going to be several months before she moves out.

I'm going to look at an apartment this week. If she doesn't take my offer, then I'm going to try to get the apartment (check with attorney first) and let her sell the house. She fucked this up, she should be responsible for selling the house. I need to get away as soon as I can, this sucks so bad.

barcher144 posted 3/30/2021 15:43 PM

It sounds like it is going about as well as a divorce can go.

Be patient, stick to the facts, and try to keep emotion out of it. In most cases when there is a disagreement in a divorce, there is an obvious path forward to resolve the conflict. For example, you could use Zillow to determine the value of your home... or you get an appraisal.

Meaning, it sounds like you're doing great.

I also need to get out of infidelity. No more limbo. The beatings will not continue and moral will improve.

Precisely this.

WornDown posted 3/30/2021 16:57 PM


Why are you doing the negotiating? That's what you pay your attorney for.

Pro tip: Let him/her do it and save yourself the headache.

Anna123 posted 3/30/2021 18:46 PM

Ditto on no more talking to her. Attorneys only. And don't let her know what you want anymore. Now she knows you want to move fast, so she won't. Good thing that you threatened selling if she does not want that. If she counters with a ridiculously high number, you can offer LESS of your savings and see how she handles that:-). ( I wish I was your attorney right now --your STBXWW has me fired up- I have no patience for cheaters that get money from their BS's)

blahblahblahe posted 3/30/2021 19:55 PM

Never allow the STBXW is get comfortable in the situation, push everything full speed ahead.

If she stalls, pull the offer and proceed to court, have your attorney hit her with an interrogatories list from hades followed with depositions from every family member and friend she has....


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