Newest Member: Imthecheater

Just Found Out :
perception vs. truth


Jambomo ( member #74853) posted at 10:00 PM on Wednesday, April 21st, 2021

Brother, communication is key with OBS, let her know her Hubby is gaslighting as it takes two to make the conscious decisions in their A. And that it is a 50-50 responsibility and accountability on both sides not just ExWf.

I am going to slightly disagree here. I think Absolon has done his job in letting the OBS know what is happening and continuing to advise when he had further information. She knows the facts and now it’s up to her to work with them as she sees fit.

Now is time to leave her be unless she comes to him for more information. She needs help and support but he is not the appropriate person to give that I think, he is hurt as well and the fact she was a friend of the Ex and this keeps those ties alive, mean that they shouldn’t be a source of emotional support for each other, this should be given by more independent parties.

posts: 240   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Scotland
id 8652724

Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 10:35 PM on Wednesday, April 21st, 2021

I have to agree with the above poster. You've already told OBS a number of times that it was both of them in the affair. You showed her two weekends worth of pictures, you've directed her to this website, you've had several phone calls and met with her. She knows how to reach you with more questions.

She's dealing with this in her own way. You can't force her to see something she doesn't want to see. EXWF was her good friend. She has plenty of reason to hate her. You don't want to get involved in that drama. You've done all you can to help her. If she contact you, sure you can give her your opinion. If you see or hear about EXWF and AP continuing their affair. Sure you can tell her.

Other than that I don't think you should get involved. You can lead a hoarse to water but ...

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8652735

GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 1:46 AM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

You're right - I should've known better. Looks like I'm better versed in rock lyrics than in American history and culture :-)


But I was serious!

posts: 2649   ·   registered: Aug. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: South Texas
id 8652772

 Absolon (original poster new member #78553) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

The police phoned me this morning to inform me that my Ex-WF has made an accusation against me.

My lawyer is aware I post here and, while supporting its benefits for my mental health, has advised me I am unable to discuss any further details until this is resolved.

Needless to say, this is an utterly false accusation.

I am sick beyond all imaginable belief.

posts: 26   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2021
id 8652971

steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 6:44 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Shit. Didn't see that coming.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8652972

Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 6:49 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

That's a disgrace. Fuckin' narcissists.

posts: 274   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2020
id 8652974

DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 6:53 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

I'm so sorry for this.

She really is checking all the boxes for someone NOT to marry.

I'm so sorry. The cheating is unfair to begin add to it like this is devastating.

To stand here and watch a good person being kicked when they are down is enraging.

[This message edited by DanielJK at 2:46 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]

BH 51
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020

After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.

posts: 455   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2020   ·   location: CT
id 8652978

grubs ( member #77165) posted at 6:57 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Shit. Didn't see that coming.

Doesn't surprise me. It's a nuisance charge as Absolon has plenty of evidence of what is really going on, but with the proper influence applied the prosecutor won't just dismiss the case. Good way to rack up legal bills and time away from work for Absolon with little to no real expense on their side. The question is do they file a overlapping civil case? That gets tricky as it'll be much more likely for dispositions in that case and the counter suit to get publicly disclosed. They wouldn't want all the peasants to know the FIL and his daughter are really unpleasant people.

[This message edited by grubs at 12:59 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]

posts: 789   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8652981

rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 7:00 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

So now you know who and what she really is.

If it became that nasty that quick, be real careful. You can't tell what "daddy" has for connections into the political and government realms. It could cost you, just by being there.

Go quiet, Go low, Go underground. See, now YOU have to start acting like a cheater that's been outed. Sneaking around, covering up, and you're the victim, completely.

FFFF the poly. Who cares. You know what that would have shown (given her most recent move to deflect from it) ... poly would have eventually led to her being some porn star wannabe with OM. He was working a number of them.

[This message edited by rugswept at 1:01 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 964   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8652982

This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 7:03 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Assuming you are still reading without posting, I'm sorry more posters didn't warn you to protect yourself against false DV claims with a VAR in addition to information collecting.

There was this:


♂ Member

Member # 76065

Default Posted: 9:53 AM, March 29th (Monday), 2021 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


One more point. When you confront, make sure you either a) have a witness (family or friend) or b) VAR or cell phone recording. She has sociopathic qualities, so its best to protect yourself from any potential domestic abuse allegations.

Normally this gets hammered home and recommended more for self protection in general, not just when you confront. I was recording all interactions for months after DDay. Luckily I never needed them. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I honestly believe that you shall prevail.

In the meantime, listen to your lawyer.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1398   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8652984

Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 7:16 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Looking back I don't think they had any face to face contact after she was given the "package" I'm not sure a VAR would have helped. He has text messages, maybe phone messages, what was written in the forum, her letter, some of the wedding party, the PI, the friend that had to forceful remove her, the OBS, maybe the MOH word that the Dad said he was going to make him pay...his own veiled threats from Daddy...her other EX...

I wonder if her Ex ran into anything similar when they broke-up. He might not have as she may have already mentally moved onto you at the time.

If this is more property damage might want to give the OBS a call to stop calling your EX. Or not... do what your lawyer says.

I hate that you are having to deal with fake claims on top of everything else.

It does surprise me but I'm not sure why... I mean she made faults claims to the wedding party right off the bat.

I keep thinking of the MOH and what she thinks of all this. She stated that she thinks that Blake seeks out stable, moral, people because she lacks those elements. How can she justify being best friends with someone that would go this far for revenge? It makes her (MOH) less moral to support someone that is this evil.

You're Ex truly is a piece of work. I keep thinking about how she keeps doing the opposite of what most people would do. She's caught out on Affair - She begs you to take her back but... goes on second vacation with OM and sends out lies to the wedding party. She write you a long letter saying how sorry she is and how she truly realized how much she loves you now. Then makes fake allegations to the police.

I am beginning to question if she was the one that wanted to humiliate you and not OM.

[This message edited by Freeme at 7:09 AM, April 25th (Sunday)]

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8652988

grubs ( member #77165) posted at 7:24 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

She truly is a piece of work.

Her whole family is. They likely have enough clout with the prosecuting office to keep it from being summarily dismissed like it should. I don't see them prevailing but that doesn't mean it won't cause Absolon to expense money, time, and pain in defending himself. In a way, it's a free or relatively low cost way to extract their pound of flesh. It's how the entitled roll when the peasants get uppity.

[This message edited by grubs at 3:35 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]

posts: 789   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8652992

steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 8:21 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

I was expecting something from Daddy. Got diverted away from her posting about abuse on facebook. Maybe Daddy's behind this. Doesn't matter. They're cut from the same cloth.

Sorry you are now dealing with this, Absolon. Clear additional indication on top of the pile of it before about who and what they are.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8653019

Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 9:19 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Back to my point: sending that "get the last word in" letter was a tactical error.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8653041

RealityBlows ( member #41108) posted at 9:25 PM on Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Damn! Save every bit of incriminating evidence you have especially that shit about her and the AP getting off on humiliating you.

posts: 674   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2013
id 8653045

LightningCrashes ( member #70173) posted at 12:05 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021

When they are unable to control the narrative and are unable to manipulate you any further in order to get what THEY want, when you don't respond as they would like to their pitiful excuses and promises at changed behavior, if only you would just give them another chance, when they promise they love you and will do everything they can to prove it to you, but then the mask comes off and they reveal their true colors.

Someone who loved you would never put you through this.

But narcissism is all about the narcissist, not their victims. You have taken away a source of their ego-kibbles and have blown up the affair. Oh yes, they just want to make you pay.

As if lying to you and cheating on you wasn't enough. These types of people, I do not care how physically attractive they are on the outside, because on the inside they are full of gangrene. They are horrible, hurtful, dangerous people who do not know what true love and loyalty is.

posts: 95   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2019
id 8653102

src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 12:06 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021

Wow, there are many options at your disposal. Find an aggressive criminal defense attorney and PI attorney versed in defamation and filing a false criminal complaint. Have him/her take the case on a contingency basis. Follow their lead on how to proceed. Good luck and fight like hell.

posts: 432   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8653103

nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 12:15 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021

Dammit. I was afraid of this.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4388   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 8653110

nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 12:20 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021

I am so sorry, Absolon. I hope you straighten this out quickly. Unfortunately false accusations are not rare when it becomes clear that R is off the table.

posts: 5021   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8653114

Booyah ( member #60124) posted at 12:33 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021

Put together multiple packages of all the evidence you have.

If prick head daddy and his narcissistic daughter don't back off I wonder how they would feel if these packages were sent out to countless media outlets (radio personalities, newspapers, TV news, etc) locally telling of her multiple infidelities. How FIL is trying to strong arm you and daughter with false accusations.

Maybe they find there way into the hands of his business associates as well.

Anything happens to you they go out.

They've been put in the hands of someone who's been instructed to send these out if anything happens to you.

posts: 1254   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017
id 8653122
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