Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: lrpprl

Off Topic :
Long term effects of being bullied

This Topic is Archived
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:18 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

So DS is in grade 5 now and has been bullied since junior kindergarten by the same boy.

I have tried my best to teach DS not to react to the kid, not to fight back, to tell an adult, to keep calm....all to no avail. This child us full of anger and explodes.

I get constant calls that he cannot regulate his emotions.

Well no fucking shit. He's been constantly bullied by the same damn boy and despite the teachers and principal telling me they have dealt with this kid the bullying continues.

Last week DS was put into the same work group with this kid and blew a gasket. He refused to do the project. Eventually the EA stepped in and said she woukd work alone with him. He did do good at lunch when the kid started on him by leaving the situation but got in trouble for using the computer when he wasn't supposed to. The teacher has a program goong on now about bullying because its so bad in the class. She also thinks that even though they dont get along ds and this kid need to learn to work together...

The kids will chant that he's a snitch if he tells on them.

DS is smaller than his peers but still ON the growth chart so he doesn't qualify for GHT like his sister. He has huge issue with that.

Today he said he had a better day because we had talked over the weekend and i told him to ignore the kid. Act as if he doesn't exist and eventually when he sees he can't get a reaction from DS he will stop. Today that tactic worked.

Hopefully it continues to work but i think the damage to DS is already done. He is quick to snap at us at home. Quick to slam a door or run off to his room.

I was bullied. I had bones fractured. It wasnt until i pounded the shit out of the bullies, that they stopped. Well they stopped the physical part, the verbal abuse continued into high school.

My brothers both think DS should pound this kid. I keep telling them things have changed and he just can't do that.

In the mean time i have a kid who has a lot of anger. He works out with weights and is very active which helps. I encourage him to talk about his day every evening. Thats helping.

School suggested he get IC to get help controlling the anger. That sorta pissed me off. If they had done their job by nipping the bullying in the first place there wouldn't be an issue.

He is doing a bit better in school now. Still has problems but his IEP handles that. I dont want to have to take him out of class for IC right now nor do this while we are still in the current zone for covid. I'm limiting my outings as much as possible with the numbers as they are here.

Any suggestions for things i can do at home to help him out? Other ways to he can cope?

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635341
default

The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:16 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

Can you have your kid moved to another class?

If not demand protection for your son. Get the bully a one on one aid that monitors him at all times during the school day.

Something must be done!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12307   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8635356
default

zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:25 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

What the neck!?!? Why isn't the school monitoring the situation and handling it?

Is there a school guidance counselor that could work with your son? It might help him to have someone at the school to talk to.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2865   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8635359
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

Sorry i didn't get a notification i had replies.

No he can't change classes due to covid. Each class has been set and they cannot mingle with students outside of their class.

The school seems more concerned with my sons behaviour now than the other kids bullying. I was told they handled it. Wasnt given anymore information due to "privacy" issues...

I'll ask about a guidance counselor.

I know DS has spent some lunches with the principal, not because he was bad but because she wanted to give him a place to eat that eat quiet.

The Educational Assistant does work with him separately.

I actually need to have a talk with the principal again but she is on leave. There's a temporary person in her place.

Ds made a threat once in class and man what a call i got. He said that his dad has a gun and he better not be bothered anymore. So its not a thing that should be ignored.

We dont have a gun. But thats not the point.

I am findinc that ds is less upset when i i ask him about his day, spend more time talking and listening to him. Its just so hard when four kids are all wanting that attention at the same time.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635363
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:42 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

I got an email from his teacher today that he had a good day. He did have a rough go during a group project and some verbal bullying at the end of the day but overall did well controlling his emotions and not engaging the bullies.

I asked of HE was doing the bullying or other students and if he engaged them and what was done about the verbal bullying. We will see what she says.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635374
default

jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 12:30 AM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

What the Actual F...

As a teacher this angers me. Your son deserves to be protected, to feel safe at school, to be torment free.

If it were me... I'd lawyer up and sue the shit outta that school/school district. Your son is not being given his due process of a free appropriate education if he's being subjected to bullying in the classroom and then also facing consequences for reacting to that bullying.

Me: BSO - 53Him: FWSO - 76 DS - 20 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

posts: 26368   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Florida
id 8635385
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:50 AM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

and then also facing consequences for reacting to that bullying.

Yes this has always upset me. Let the kid get bullied then when he's had enough and acts out HE gets in trouble.

DS is a very emotional kid. He always has been. But this treatment has made it ten times worse. I told the teacher he doesn't trust anyone or feel safe and thats his outbreaks seem to be a result of the damage done by the bullying.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635389
default

Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 2:04 AM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

I agree with JRC. Enough is enough. At the very least you need to demand a sit down meeting AT SCHOOL with the bully's parents. They may not be aware of his behavior at school. No wonder your son has anger! I ran this by my daughter, an elementary school administrator and she said she would have already scheduled a meeting -- Zoom or otherwise -- with you and the other parents.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3234   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8635404
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:55 AM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

Im sure it would have to he a zoom meeting. No one is allowed in the school.

I am going to see what i can arrange. The principal is on leave and I'm unsure how her replacement would deal with this. Can't hurt to ask though.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635417
default

grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:09 AM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

You need to get isolation from the bully in his behavioral management plan attached to his IEP. That legally obligates the school to take corrective action.

posts: 1264   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8635419
default

Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:33 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

I'm in agreement that this shit needs to stop and I would threaten legal action. This is bullshit.

I too was bullied - relentlessly - through elementary and junior high. It was so bad I would not go to my own bus stop, I walked 2 miles to one where I was treated kindly. It was the 1970s and schools didn't have anti-bullying policies so I just put up with it, but it did have an impact on me. Sadly, I kept it to myself because I figured my parents couldn't do anything about it. It led to me getting pretty radical in high school - I never bullied anyone, but I partied waaaay to much, skipped school, etc.

Stay vigilant as you are, Dragn - I'm glad you came here to ask for support. (((HUGS)))

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8635553
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:03 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

You need to get isolation from the bully in his behavioral management plan attached to his IEP. That legally obligates the school to take corrective action.

Thank you for this. Report cards just came and DS and DD have IEPs that are sent out. I will make a note of this on it and submit it along with a request for a meeting.

Lalagirl i see similarities between us. I was known as the Good girl in high school. I wouldn't sleep with any if the guys, i did my work. Kept mainly to myself. Last year however i broke out of my shell, dated a guy from another school and danced dirty at one if our school dances. Started drinking and smoking. University was worse...

My self esteem was non existant.

Im ok now. 44 years old and finally ok. I dont want my son going through a lifetime of this.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635609
default

Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 6:25 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

Im ok now. 44 years old and finally ok. I dont want my son going through a lifetime of this.

Girl, I get it! I'm ok now as well but had to get some serious therapy for PTSD (and the reason I am here certainly did not help it).

My girls were pretty fortunate as they did not deal with bullying very much. My grandson (grade 6) had one incident in early elementary school and he killed the kid with kindness and now they're decent friends (more like acquaintances but there are no issues).

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 12:25 PM, February 23rd (Tuesday)]

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8635617
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:45 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

DD has experienced some bullying. But she has a mouth on her and doesnt take any shit. Same with Little M.

DD told me one of the boys at school tried to hug her. She said no but he wouldn't stop so she tried to kick him in the groin. He got the point. Girls today need to be taught that boys teasing them isn't an acceptable way to show them they like them. Thats a whole other worry i have, my girls.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635628
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:26 AM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

I think i struck a nerve. Teacher left me a voicemail with an urgent and sorta nasty tone to it regarding my email to her and saying that i felt his behaviour was due to the bullying, asking what is done about the verbal bullying etc.

She said she will call me tomorrow. I don't have a good feeling but plan to stand my ground that his out bursts and lack of self regulation is a direct result of the bullying.

Mojo please

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8635761
default

Alyssamd24 ( member #39005) posted at 2:27 AM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

There is a guy named Brooks Gibbs who has a video on YouTube about bullying and how to deal with them and its amazing. I recommend watching that with your DS ..its similar to what you have told him already about ignoring the kid.

I think its really sad that the school hasn't helped and now they are complaining to you about his behavior. I know you don't want to take him out of school for IC but maybe the guidance counselor can meet with him, or also look into telehealth for now? Then he will still get the supprt from IC without having to leave the house.

As for suggestions, keep doing what you have been doing and asking him about his days. Help him explore things he can do to control his feelings when he is upset (deep breaths, counting, jumping jacks etc)

Good luck!!

Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.

posts: 1316   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2013   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8635778
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:53 PM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

So. Ds teacher called.

She explained that the anti bullying program the class is doing is supposed to make the the kids see each other as people and get to know each other.

Its supposed to curb the bullying. You wouldn't bully a person you think of as a friend...

She compared it to online bullying by giving the text on a screen a name and face. See the person.

While i understand the concept i disagree that this method will always be effective IF the underlying issues WITH THE BULLY aren't dealt with.

In any case this is the program and she said that she appreciates all the support i am giving her and Ds but said that i can always call administration to further discuss concerns.

I could hear shes just as frustrated as i am.

Actually I'm just tired of always hearing how bad DS is when i have other kids to deal with that need my attention too!

Thank you for the YouTube suggestion. I will look that up.

Had a youtube live viewing of my uncles funeral today. Told the kids this morning that i wouldn't be at the end if the driveway then they got hone and to walk up on their own and be quiet coming into the house. (Wh always just watches then from the house he's to LAZY to walk down there...)

DS came to watch with me and i was teary and the water works just blew up with him. He didn't even know my uncle. But he is emotional and seeing me upset got him going. I hugged him, told him it was ok then redirected him to other tasks. Hes ok now.

Oh DS does deep breathing, counting, redirection etc. I want him to write in a journal. I think that would be a good thing too.

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 5:55 PM, February 24th (Wednesday)]

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8636037
default

deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 12:25 AM on Thursday, February 25th, 2021

Can you call law-enforcement and have it documented and relay everything that you can think of to relay to set the stage for how long this is been going on? Granted, they may not do anything, but may be inform the school that you are taking it to their level and the school may act in a more appropriate way. It also sets a record in motion.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3201   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8636048
default

 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:37 AM on Thursday, February 25th, 2021

Well i think i should first have a meeting with school administration to show that i tried to resolve the issues with the school.

We do have the Young Offenders act here so i don't know what if anything would be done about verbal bullying. As far as i know there's been no physical issues between the boys.

DS may be short but he's got weight to him right now and I'm sure would beat the crap out of this kid given the chance. He has a lot of built up anger.

Funny enough it was Pink Shirt day, an anti bullying campaign. At their school its taking place Friday. My boys don't have pink shirts and end up wearing one of the girls shirts.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24508   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8636057
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220809a 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy