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I have let go of all hope my STBEWH will ever come to the realization of the destruction he has caused. I asked him to please never speak to me unless it is about our children. I have tried to talk to him about the divorce and agreement, in order to resolve some of the outstanding issues ourselves. However, I just can't keep putting myself in a situation where he decides to be such an insensitive, manipulative ass. I am done with it all.

Last week, we met up to talk about alimony and custody. He still barely sees the kids and of course it is my fault. Just like the fact that everyone now sees him differently, people are "reacting" a certain way to him, everyone knows what he has done, his family does not talk to him, etc., etc. None of which is my problem. Cheaters clearly think their actions have no consequences. Anyway.....that day, he says to me "Well, I am going to be paying you alimony and that gives me bragging rights. You are going to be living this amazing life, and it will be because of me and the alimony." Yes, you read that right. He cheats on his wife for YEARS. Several false reconciliations. Drags his wife and kids through HELL for years.....and he has "bragging right" for paying me alimony. I honestly had no words. I was speechless. Bragging rights? Really? I walked out. He texted me later, I never responded. A couple of days later (actually Valentine's Day morning), I sent him a long text. It was mean and very well-deserved. Yes, I waited for Valentine's Day on purpose. The audacity of some people. They destroy people's lives. Their own children are hurt by their actions.....then they have the nerve to say something like this? What does he think my life is going to be after everything he has done to his children and I? God.....sometimes I just wish I could press a reset button, wake up and have someone else be the father of my children. I am so so hurt by the person he has become.

Ok...vent over....

[This message edited by Mari104 at 2:09 PM, February 17th (Wednesday)]

Cheaters clearly think their actions have no consequences.

Yep dealing with the same thing over here. My STBX is trying to pin the destruction of the family on me since I'm the one who left claims that his destruction to me with his A's were an "US" problem and I broke up the family unit for it clearily none of his actions led to this.... geeze they are all the same!

Ummmmm.

Bragging about the alimony he will be paying is like someone who gets a DUI bragging about having to start their car with a breathalyzer.

Smdh. Let him brag then. In fact, tell him if he really wants to have bragging rights for your lavish lifestyle, then he should be paying more.

What an idiot.

Cash those alimony checks with your head held high. Fuck that guy. He can eat bees.

One more vote for...

Cash those alimony checks with your head held high. Fuck that guy. He can eat bees.

Years of your life are priceless. Alimony is the least you deserve to compensate for that!

Also, don't send him anything in writing that you wouldn't want read aloud in a courtroom.

You really have suffered enough. I agree with Jana: Fuck that guy.

I am not surprised by anything your WH says. He is such a clueless, selfish asshat. In January 2019 as you and your children were dealing with the destruction of your family caused by his repeat cheating, and the resulting divorce action, you went through your family ritual of professing your new year’s resolutions. Was your WH focused on his BW or his hurting children? Was he focused on his family or his niece in the hospital? Was he focused on helping his family heal from his destruction? He proudly announced his New Years resolution: “To be named GM at his dealership.” What a guy!

You have suffered enough. Get this D over with as soon as you can. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 4:57 PM, February 17th (Wednesday)]

You can go on YouTube and find detailed videos on how to do an appendectomy. You can even google the story about the Soviet doctor that removed his own appendix when stuck on the South Pole. All you need is basically some scalpels, gauze and seams and some medication (the Russian used vodka). Yet I’m guessing if you needed to remove your appendix you wouldn’t try to save money by self-surgery or asking a friend to do it. I’m guessing you would want someone that has the correct credentials, experience and equipment to do it.

Well… Same applies to divorce IMHO.

It’s too important to do without professional help unless it’s dead-simple and both parties are relatively sensible and reasonable and know the law.

Your husband doesn’t meet those requirements…

I HOPE you have an attorney ensuring your rights. I hope that discussion about alimony was with legal representation. I hope that you are very clear that you are getting what you are entitled to by the law. That would also shield you from having to meet him to discuss these things and show him once and for all the seriousness of the situation.

I have tried to talk to him about the divorce and agreement, in order to resolve some of the outstanding issues ourselves.

Nooooo, don’t give him any ammunition!!! Don’t let him play with your mind! !!!! He’s done more than enough of that already

From now on, speak through lawyers only. He doesn’t see much of his kids anyway, so you should be able to limit contact to the very minimum, if any at all. Guilt is not a dish for you to partake in!

Ditto! There is no reason TO EVER speak with him EVER again other than logistics involving the children. My lawyer asked me to to keep my mouth shut and let him negotiate with his lawyer only.

This isn't just self protection. It is tactical. He does not respect you and there is nothing to 'discuss' because it is not a discussion and can only work against you. This is now a legal process, not a personal one.

Good luck and take care.

By the way, the alimony is a legal payment due resulting from your PARTNERSHIP. It's a buyout. It's not a gift, it is what is legally due to you in payment for your part of the investment in the partnership. No emotions or petty back and forth here, just business at this point.

The audacity of some people. They destroy people's lives. Their own children are hurt by their actions.....then they have the nerve to say something like this?

Because they're empathy impaired, if not bankrupt, I'm convinced that a lot of these folks simply can't comprehend the damage they've done. And they never will.

Whenever my XH has seen me dressed and showered he's commented on how happy I am and how great I'm doing - no realization that I'm still no where near healed and often question if I ever will be.

They don't get it. They live in a delusion.

In fact, tell him if he really wants to have bragging rights for your lavish lifestyle, then he should be paying more.

Exactly. Because for some, money is power. I'm willing to bet that he looked at the money he brought home each week as his money. I mean, you didn't earn any of it.

He'll learn through the divorce courts what is 'fair'. He'll also learn what is....and is NOT....'his'.

claims that his destruction to me with his A's were an "US" problem

crazyblindsided, If I hear this absurd excuse from my STBWXH one more time, I am going to lose it. I can't think of how many times he has said that "he started the affair because of our problems and we are where we are because of our problems" Huh???? Even after he entered into the A, his actions over the last 3-4 years have no justification other than he is a selfish, self-entitled ass. Period. Marital issues do not lead someone to act the way he has acted and to do the things he has done. YES...they are all the SAME!!!! So glad I found this forum and I have so many people on here that can understand the insanity we deal with.

Bragging about the alimony he will be paying is like someone who gets a DUI bragging about having to start their car with a breathalyzer.

EllieKMAS, One of the best responses I have ever seen on this forum!!!

Let him brag then. In fact, tell him if he really wants to have bragging rights for your lavish lifestyle, then he should be paying more.

Yes, to him, because his salary is higher than average, he feels entitled to treat people like crap. Even his own children and their mother. What an ass**** Unfortunately for him, money does not buy morals and integrity!

YES, I will be cashing those checks with my head held high! I am fighting for my children. I have fought EVERY STEP OF THE WAY for THEM!!! Screw him. He thinks he can continue to manipulate me.

He actually said to me once...... "Well, that woman you speak so badly about (his mistress), she did not ask for alimony" I seriously almost punched him in the face. THE NERVE! Where does he get off bringing her up at all during our conversations? AGAIN....trying to manipulate me into not taking the alimony. WELL..... my situation is VERY different than hers. We have been together 23 years, married 14. We have 2 children. We have buiilt an entire life together. I did not go screw someone else while I was married, he did.

She was married to her BH for only 4 years. She spent more time cheating on him than being married. NO KIDS! SHE CHEATED ON HIM. Their salary difference is no where near mine and my husband's. ALSO....I threw in his face that after she did everything to him, she still had the audacity to walk away with a very large amount of equity in the home they bought, with HIS money. Which she clearly DID NOT DESERVE.

For those that do not know, I work for a law firm and am drafting everything here with my bosses.They are making sure my kids and I are protected. I was trying to discuss some issues directly with him, but not doing it anymore. Not worth my mental health. He is never going to change or care or wake up feeling empathetic.

fareast said it the best.

I am not surprised by anything your WH says. He is such a clueless, selfish asshat. In January 2019 as you and your children were dealing with the destruction of your family caused by his repeat cheating, and the resulting divorce action, you went through your family ritual of professing your new year’s resolutions. Was your WH focused on his BW or his hurting children? Was he focused on his family or his niece in the hospital? Was he focused on helping his family heal from his destruction? He proudly announced his New Years resolution: “To be named GM at his dealership.” What a guy!

AND you all want to hear something funny.....years later, still not GM. They actually brought another GM into the dealership last year. He was LIVID. They promised him he was there "to help train him for one day"......that they were not doing to screw him, etc. etc. Told him that the New GM was not going to be there long. They even gave him a title to make him feel better "assistant GM" Well....last month, he was demoted back to his old management position and the other GM is still there.

[This message edited by Mari104 at 4:50 PM, February 19th (Friday)]

I live for the day I can walk in the social security office and get my share of his.

He is so dumb he doesn't even know I'm entitled to it. The plan is to send him a picture of me picking up the money.

They are all the same.

I asked him to please never speak to me unless it is about our children.

This is totally up to you. 100% in your control if you make it so.

Well....last month, he was demoted back to his old management position and the other GM is still there.

Once the divorce is final I would be saying things in conversations like “oh sorry, I keep forgetting you are not the GM - you were given back your prior Role. So when are you becoming the GM?”

Maybe it’s his karma biting him you know where

Whenever he texts something snotty just reply "Go pound sand." And leave it at that.

[This message edited by Westway at 8:57 AM, February 25th (Thursday)]