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Wife fell in love with a romance scammer

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Freeme posted 12/6/2020 07:00 AM

This happend to a friend of mines sister-in-law. I believe the sister-in-law has some mental illnesses also. She believed he was a millionaire but was having issues with his money being tied up in something (he used different excuses). She believed that that they were going to run away together and that he just needed a specific amount of money and then... it would happen. He had all of this money so she wouldn't have to worry about retirement, or working, or legal issues...
Every time she sent money he would make up another excuse about how it wasn't enough and if he just had $$ more by friday they could be together. She was obsessed with coming up with the money and would beg, borrow and steal to get it... in her mind the future didn't matter because "he" was going to take care of her. (she wasn't married)

Anyway she was stealing a lot of money from her father but though it was ok because she would be leaving and wouldn't need to face any consequesnes.

The scammer was also telling her horrible things about my friend and her husband (who she was living with and stealing from). Things that she would believe and tell others...For example she would tell the scammer about how she didn't get the job she wanted a few years ago and the scammer would convince her that my friend called the agency and told them not to hire her... Didn't make sense at all but she would believe anything he said.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to save yourself and your kids. She isn't going to see the light because of reason, logic and being nice. She needs major deprograming. You need to protect yourself and cut her off financially (legally).

Can you block him on her phone? Block his area code? I don't know. I do know that the friend of a friend that I"m talking about seemed more out of the fog after a few days of no contact.

Browsing41 posted 12/6/2020 15:46 PM


You feel guilty for stopping her from giving away your life savings to a bunch of scammers? Your priority right now should be to immediately protect yourself and without guilt. She is on track to completely ruin your life in a matter of a few days.

You can deal with reconciliation and marriage after you are finances are protected. There will be plenty of time to deal with your marriage but not so much with your money. She is giving it away faster than you can blink.

Bigger posted 12/6/2020 15:59 PM

I think one issue might be that whatever YOU say or do is not seen in the correct light by your wife. So when you tell her these guys are fraudsters she allows herself to think that itís only you thatís trying to end her fun.

Maybe some sort of intervention by her friends and family?
Could you ask her best friend to get some others she might take note on and do an intervention?

Totally irrespective if this is the end of your marriage or not then itís got to hurt to see money from your marital assets being drained into this, plus knowing that if not dealt with your possibly then-ex wife will be dependent on your kids. Maybe an intervention might make her realize the seriousness.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 12/6/2020 16:54 PM

Protect your finances and your kids however you can right now - then work on helping her (if you can/are so inclined to do so). That's the priority.

HalfTime2017 posted 12/7/2020 14:11 PM

This is an old and repeatable offense, but yet, people fall for it all the time. I've witnessed this first hand.

I'm surprised actually that this isnt brought up more here on SI.

Both women and men, fall prey to scammers b/c they are lonely and players/scammers do a damn good job of convincing them that they are in LUV.

I liken this to be not much different than the players that try to get into our wives pants for some strange. You and I both know it, but to them, its luv. Seen it happen. Sweet talking is a simple game that when played on a lonely sole, can reap all sorts of gains. This story is old as father time itself. And unfortunately, it happens every single day. It happens to both men and women, and most of the time the perps are foreigners working from the Ukraine or SE Asia, and are mostly male.

I think all you can do is to protect yourself and your children. Make sure that you disclosure and find and use a foresic accountant. Don't give your WW any more money in the divorce. She is on her own. Make sure that you don't have any credit cards in her name either. She will most likely go into debt after you Divorce her to chase this fantasy. It won't end well for her. She'll realize it in a yr or so that she was used. She can recover, but you should move on with your life. Let her go, and protect your finances. She's in lalaland. Seriously, like my exWW, she was in lalaland and still is. I divorced her ass, and she can lalaland all herself, and when she gets used up, well, its no longer my problem or yours.

Newlifeisgreat posted 12/7/2020 19:00 PM

Did you lawyer file for contempt yet?

Good luck, stay strong

DoinBettr posted 12/8/2020 13:44 PM

My father in law had this same issue, but it was a "Good Christian trying to spread the word of the lord."
That was a hard one to over turn. What you can do is call the FBI. They are terrible at their jobs, but they have a division that will block his information on the internet. They can't get your money back, but they might be able to talk your wife into understanding she is duped.
They did that eventually for my FIL. Be careful, then next move is for the scammer to use your accounts to launder money. "Here hold onto this check for 30 days then send me back the money." Little do you know it is stolen money from someone else. Yeah, my FIL fell for this, then we held onto the money which did recupe some of what he lost. The scammer kept threatening my FIL too, even though the FBI and I were telling him, this guy will never come here or file any legal motions because what he did/does was illegal.
Good luck and involve the FBI.

michael75 posted 12/11/2020 19:11 PM

My lawyer filed the contempt of court charge yesterday. My homework was to collect bank records and other evidence that my wife broke the court order. So I looked on my her computer. She is communicating with a couple of scammers on Google Hangout. I got quite an eye full. There was a video that she made of herself placing $16,000 into a teddy bear to send via Fed Ex.

I also found an email where she asked one of the scammers to "scare" me. The scammer asked for her for my picture, my phone number, and my place of work.

Tonight, after I went grocery shopping and made dinner, she yelled at me for not helping out around the house more. She said that she can't wait for the divorce because things will run more smoothly when I am gone.

[This message edited by michael75 at 12:51 PM, December 12th (Saturday)]

Jambomo posted 12/12/2020 02:35 AM

I also found an email where she asked one of the scammers to "scare" me. The scammer asked for her for my picture, my phone number, and my place of work.

Did you get a copy of this? Itís evidence of harm should come to you. How awful that she would do that and put you to harm in that way. Speak to the police, you might be in danger and Iím sure she doesnít know what the people she is dealing with might potentially do.

[This message edited by Jambomo at 2:37 AM, December 12th (Saturday)]

MorbidCuriosity posted 12/13/2020 00:25 AM

$16k god damn.

At this point, I'd be more pissed at myself for falling in love and marrying a dumbass.

Are you sure that she is just sending money and not meeting in person? I mean I'd have to be pretty damn stupid to send 5 digits to someone I've never even MET before. Heck even when I was 15, I would think twice about buying shit online from strangers.

Bigger posted 12/13/2020 15:03 PM

Where did your wife get access to 16k cash?

Michael75 Ė it is of imperative importance that you make sure her access to money is totally totally limited. Totally irrespective of the divorce or if that is completed or if she returns to Earth and you two reconcile.
Look at it this way: The money she spends NOW is marital assets. Technically she only sent 8k of her cash and 8k of YOUR cash.

Have you followed the advice offered here and contacted the FBI or your local police regarding these scammers? Iím thinking that an official notification OR investigation might give you more power in limiting her ability to send them cash.
One thing you need to do Ė probably in cooperation or through guidance of your attorney: Ensure that itís clear that you do NOT consent to money being sent to these scammers. Go through all cards, accounts, pensionsÖ whateverÖ and list all the amounts sent to the scammers. Try to have that money deducted from whatever financial settlement is agreed on.

For example: If she has spent 100k on the scammers and your total marital assets are 500k then you should each get 250k. If you have what she already spent the assets would be 600k and you both get 300k. Maybe by listing her spending you could get +300k and she -200k.
The goal by doing this is not being unfair or mean. If she doesnít change then we all know whatever money she gets from the divorce can end in the scammerís wallet. The goal is to limit the damage, because 1-2 years from now she will still be your kidís mom and you want to limit how big a financial burden she might be on them.

beb252 posted 6/16/2021 20:17 PM

Wow! I feel so sad for you! Your wife has gone... insane! How can you not differentiate reality from fiction? Many scammers love sweet talking to their victims to bleed them dry. Your wife will only realize it once everything she owns is gone.

TheEnd posted 6/16/2021 21:28 PM

I don't understand why you have not moved all of the money to an account she does not have access to.

I can go online right now to my bank and open an account in my own name and transfer whatever amount I want ... in under 5 minutes.

Move the damn money.

oldmanchris posted 6/16/2021 21:39 PM

This is my first post on this forum, but Iíve been lurking for the longest time - learning for myself.

If I breach any forum etiquette rules, please forgive me.

Michael75, if memory serves correct, Redwing6 (who is a member of this forum/community) went through EXACTLY the same thing youíre experiencing. His spouse fell for a Val Kilmer love scam.

Maybe, someone here who knows him could alert him to this thread, and he might offer some advice?

ChamomileTea posted 6/17/2021 03:10 AM

Is there a reason why you can't file to have her committed? Once she's an inpatient, you can have a thorough physical examination done and hopefully get your money situation tied down. After that, you could either divorce her or have her under your conservatorship. If you can prove your W is being scammed and won't stop, it seems to me like you could prove your W has become mentally incapacitated.

straightup posted 6/17/2021 03:44 AM

Legal remedies will vary depending on jurisdiction. Iím an Aussie and cannot say the law is comparable. Here I would make an application to appoint a guardian over her in respect of financial decisions. Having filed for divorce, You would probably not be made guardian, but another trusted family member might. That person would take on fiduciary obligations and have to account for every penny spent. In my State there is a Tribunal for this, but the Supreme Court also retains an inherent parens patriae jurisdiction and I expect you could get the necessary order by application / writ. American and Australian law share a common English root so there is some similarity. There must be a legal remedy. You need to see a lawyer with deep expertise in capacity and guardianship issues quickly. Ask your current lawyer first. Iím definitely not an expert but have a general idea of the lay of the land here. Good luck. You sound like a lovely man.

straightup posted 6/17/2021 03:44 AM

Duplicate. Sorry.

[This message edited by straightup at 3:57 AM, June 17th (Thursday)]

wifehad5 posted 6/17/2021 05:30 AM

Just a quick note, the OP hasn't been here in over 6 months.

ChamomileTea posted 6/17/2021 05:35 AM

Ugh.... I usually notice that.

redwing6 posted 6/17/2021 13:18 PM

Op & oldmanchris,

, if memory serves correct, Redwing6 (who is a member of this forum/community) went through EXACTLY the same thing youíre experiencing. His spouse fell for a Val Kilmer love scam.

Maybe, someone here who knows him could alert him to this thread, and he might offer some advice?

My now ex-wife did fall for a val kilmer love scam. She took the $45k we had saved over the past few years for a down payment on a house, and gave it to the scammers. Since she paid all the bills and took care of everything I was utterly oblivious. She also emptied the $8k from our savings $7k from checking, borrowed $3800from our son, $2500 from her 1st husband, and a further $5k from other friends (just found out why all of our friends ghosted me). She didn't pay any of the bills including rent for two months so another $3500...

While she was still in the fog, I got her to sign uncontested divorce papers and 45 days later in March 1 day before our 19th anniversary it was signed by the judge...

I was completely smashed by the betrayal. Fir a week, I just sat in the living room and wondered wtf I was going to do. 1st thing I did was to open a checking account in my name and divert my direct deposit there. Its taken me 6 months to get my head above water. I'm still behind on everything except rent. But life goes on.

Op, at this I point, the woman you knew is gone. She may come back but she is badly broken. I don't think there is much you can do beyond having her Baker Acted fir 72 hours.but you have to take care of yourself 1st and foremost.

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