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Divorce/Separation :
Going back to court

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mad2

 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

alright guy's quick questions here, i'll try to make it short. my divorce was officially done last year december 17, 2019 on one of my decree's is that i gave her car and in return she is to refinance the car under her own name and continue to pay the car note for it. well come to find out she is late on the car payments multiple times and that affected my credit score. that pisses me off so bad, here I am raising my kid's alone no help from her and this is what i get in return. went to my lawyer to go to court for this. i paid upfront once again for my lawyer fee's. and earlier today they called me and asking $105.00 again because the person who was serving her papers said that she wasn't at her place. my question is can my lawyer do this? I feel like my lawyer is milking me out on my money. i told the lady on the phone that i cannot give them anymore money,she understand my frustrations and said she will tell my lawyer to call me in this money situation. i need advice moving forward. what do you guy's think about this situation I'm at?

ps she accumulated traffic ticket's also that she did not pay on time therefore there's late fee's on top of that, my name is under the car note also i got a letter stating if we don't pay the ticket's they can suspend my driver license that's another headache right there

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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 7:29 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

The process server is an out-of-pocket expense for a third party vendor. Somebody has to pay them. The only way to get information about where the XWW is for service is from you. So if they make a trip, based on your information, and don't find them, why would you think you shouldn't pay them for the trip?

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 4179   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8613724
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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 7:38 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

The process server is an out-of-pocket expense for a third party vendor. Somebody has to pay them. The only way to get information about where the XWW is for service is from you. So if they make a trip, based on your information, and don't find them, why would you think you shouldn't pay them for the trip?

i get what your saying but my question is If the server went again and my x Is not there again Is that mean i'm just going to keep paying the server?. can i just personally hand deliver the letter?

posts: 95   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2018
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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 7:40 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

what if my x is avoiding all of this, i can't keep throwing my hard earned money i need to support me and my kid's also.

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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:04 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

If you are going to go the legal route... then you had better know that it can get expensive.

You are going to be paying people for their time. They cannot give you an upfront price for that, only an hourly rate.

You are most likely not being milked by your attorney, certainly not for the small amounts of money that you are talking about so far.

This reminds me of my current favorite joke:

Why are divorces expensive?

Because they are worth it.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 8:51 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

You can't do the service bc you are a party to the lawsuit. If it were legal, then you could serve her, she could deny it and then what? If you two could agree, you wouldn't have to be in court. That's why an uninterested 3d party has to do it. Now, in my state, I can appoint someone who doesn't do this as their job, so I could find someone else who would do it for free and who the ex trusts enough to open the door for... KWIM?

I dunno where you live, but you should be able to ask the attorney to use a different process server, and you may want to ask if you can have a 3rd party that YOU know do it (note: that third party should not be your relative and should not be a potential witness, but your lawyer can explain that).

Does your ex work? In non-covid times, I would recommend serving her at her job, as those are usually much easier. But with Covid and everyone working from home, I suspect it's harder to track them down (and there's always the possibility of her not answering the door for a stranger).

Do you have a child(ren) with the ex? When do you switch custody? Do you see her during those exhanges? If so, that may be the best thing - arrange for the process server to meet you before you pick up the kid(s), then serve her the minute you and the kid(s) drive away (don't want the kids to have to see that). ETA: Or arrange for the switch at a neutral location (you can make up any excuse), like McDonald's... you get the kids in the car and the process server can nail her as she's getting into hers (and when kids don't have to see it). Or a park, or wherever....

The process server is not a mind reader and can't "know" where to find your ex wife... if you have any info as to her habits, then share that with the attorney to tell the process server.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 2:52 PM, December 2nd, 2020 (Wednesday)]

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3828   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8613775
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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 9:11 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

gmc94 that make sense i appreciate the input, as of right now to my knowledge she doesn't really work because of her health issue. and her seeing the kid's is a no go because of covid we both agree that with the epidemic going on it's better for the kid's to stay with me. her health is not the greatest recently and her being hospitalized a couple week's ago it's the right choice

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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 9:12 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

In some jurisdictions, you can serve via certified mail. Ask your attorney.

If she is indeed in contempt of court, I would ask for her to pay your attorney fees.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8613782
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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 9:19 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

That's what our plan is, I send my attorney of proof that she is behind payment of the car and that my credit score is ruined because that

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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 9:20 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

I'll ask about the mailing option thanks for the input

posts: 95   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2018
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 11:02 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

In some states you can also serve her yourself. I often pay process servers and I give them ALL the info I have available and they consider the job 'done' when they serve the papers. I'm never charged for several trips.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3724   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
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hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 11:43 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

[This message edited by hcsv at 5:43 PM, December 2nd (Wednesday)]

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 772   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 12:39 AM on Thursday, December 3rd, 2020

You might actually recover some of your costs at the hearing.

My xh took me back to court for about the same thing—- I got the house, but got behind in the payments. At the hearing the judge said I had to pay 1/2 of his fees to his atty within 60 days. As I made the payments, the atty sent him a check.

The judge took into account I was behind on the payments because my xh wouldn’t sign the quitclaim deed so I could refi to a lower payment, and he stopped getting the kids w/o notice and I had to pay for childcare and extra groceries, etc.

In your case, she might be ordered to pay all your atty fees.

Keep pushing thru this.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5498   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 12:52 AM on Thursday, December 3rd, 2020

You could also try and find a ruse to get her to meet you (or in reality a process server).

Is there ANY reason you could give to get her to meet somewhere?

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3828   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8613841
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 somejaykid (original poster member #68835) posted at 11:57 AM on Thursday, December 3rd, 2020

You might actually recover some of your costs at the hearing.

My xh took me back to court for about the same thing—- I got the house, but got behind in the payments. At the hearing the judge said I had to pay 1/2 of his fees to his atty within 60 days. As I made the payments, the atty sent him a check.

The judge took into account I was behind on the payments because my xh wouldn’t sign the quitclaim deed so I could refi to a lower payment, and he stopped getting the kids w/o notice and I had to pay for childcare and extra groceries, etc.

In your case, she might be ordered to pay all your atty fees.

Keep pushing thru this.

that's what i'm hoping for at the end of the tunnel. instead of saving money for the future of me and my kid's i'm spending on it with the pos xw of mine ugh

You could also try and find a ruse to get her to meet you (or in reality a process server).

Is there ANY reason you could give to get her to meet somewhere?

as of right now i can't do that with the covid being on all time high right now

posts: 95   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2018
id 8613905
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