Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
EX-GF cheated, doesn admit...

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Maxinulm (original poster New Member #75893) posted at 9:04 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Hi,

I (34m) had a relationship with a girl (25f) for like 11 Month and found out, that she cheated on me at least 3 times in the first few months of our relationship. Was in a hotel room with a guy two times. Once told me, that she is on advanced training in another city. Turned out she and another woman met two other men an had two hotel rooms. They were already in the hotel of the men when on vacation alone. Typical trickle truth. Didnt admit anything, swore on the lifes of their grandparents, that there was nothing. Even wanted to convince me, that she really was on trainig for these two nights (she wrote her girlfriedn, that she took days of for the trip.) Only when i presented the evidence. But still claims, that there was no sex. But she came home with two parrallel blue spots on her upper arms. Dont believe her lies.

I also found out that she slept at a former fuckbuddys bed at the very beginning of our relationship. But again: "I wasnt at his place. He called me at night and needed a place to sleep. No sex....

I dumped her. Wanted to bring her stuff to her flat and wrote her flatmate (male). Told him what i found out about the first months of our relationship and that i cant continue the relationship with her. He was like "I understand, but havent you been official only since a short time?!" when in reality we were official since 11 months. Thats what fucked me up.

So this is like 2 months ago. My exGF still wants to be with me. Tells me she wants to have children with me, she loves me... I am her dream man. She wants to build a future with me. She didnt take the relationshio serious the first few months.. Blablabla. Lost a lot of weight since the breakup because she doesnt eat much anymore. (she was skinny before that). Even goes to therapy because of issues about needing male attention and her general life crisis (Job...) ATM. but i dont want to. Have no trust anymore. Have met her some times since then. 4 times Sex.

My life goes well so far. Also meet a girl from time to time. Did more photography and have more and more contact with new girls because of this hobby. But i still think about it

So last saturday she wrote me in the evening what i was doing. At which i didnt respond. later she called and wanted to know, if she could come by. I was horny and drunk so i said yes. so she comes to my flat, tells me other guys wanted her all evening.. But she handles this breakup not as her previous breakup where she fucked anyone after the breakup. She is in my bed, gets a message, i dont see it. She shows me that its her flatmate writing her "Love you". She says, she doesnt want her flatmate to do things like that. He even knew that she was meeting me. Told her that he could also fuck her...

So whats my problem:

I dont think, that she really is into him or respects him. But what do you think?

Is she fucking him at the moment to get over the breakup and he plays captain save a hoe and is in love because of that? (i dont care)

Has she been fucking her flatmate all the time and hes in love with her now? (i kind of care because i have been cucked once more)

Does she only want to make me jealous? (i dont care)

I dont think that any guy writes "I love you" on just a platonic base...

Anyway. Crazy...

This still is bad for me. How should I handle this? I still have kind of an " inner aggression" on her. No contact might be better here?!

BTW: I also found out, that she wrote with a guy she even cheated her ex-boyfriend with all our "relationship"

[This message edited by Maxinulm at 3:30 PM, November 21st (Saturday)]

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2020
id 8611222
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asc1226 ( Member #75363) posted at 9:41 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Move on. She’s never going to be a safe partner for you. Doesn’t sound like she’s capable of being a safe partner for anyone.

You can tell yourself it’s only for sex now but she’s only going to hold you back from finding someone worthy of your time.

Peace.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 369   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8611225
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 11:10 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

She’s never going to be honest. Not with you. Not with herself. Not with anyone.

Her behavior has not changed she’s just changed the players in her game. I hope you see it.

She’s the kind of person who likes the thrill of the chase. Once she has the guy in the palm of her hand she’s on to the next victim.

She doesn’t want you for the long term. She doesn’t want children with you and honestly she’s certainly not “mother” material. She’s not showing you any positive values right now.

Run!!!

You will be glad you did.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8611231
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src9043 ( Member #75367) posted at 11:20 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Why are you still messing around with her? You're going to knock her up and then you really will be stuck. Go find a quality woman. Your ex-girlfriend certainly is not that. At this point, it's all on you if you screw up your life.

[This message edited by src9043 at 5:21 PM, November 21st (Saturday)]

posts: 411   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8611233
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Minnesota ( Member #50615) posted at 11:21 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

The fact that you're asking us about the viability of this says you're not ready to move on. Maybe it's the easy sex. Maybe there are feelings beyond that. I don't know. I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. EXCEPT this:

What the others have said about her not being safe, I believe that completely. So if you are going to stay with her, know that she is not very likely to be exclusive with you, no matter what she promises in a minute of "clarity" or drunkenness - So Here's what you need to do: Think very carefully about what you want and what you'll accept in this relationship. If you want to be fuck buddies, well then good luck. If you want to write her off, then good luck. If you want to try to make it work, then good luck. But I agree with the others that say she is unlikely to be honest with you. And unlikely to commit to you. If you're ok with that, then carry on. If you're not, then it's ok to cut ties.

Good luck.

Me: BS Upper 40's
Her: XWW younger 30's
Married Sept. 2010
DDay Thanksgiving 2015
Dday2- Jan28ish, 2016 -new affair
One child (Big Mister) born in 2012
Divorced Sept. 2, 2016

posts: 2110   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2015   ·   location: Minnesota
id 8611234
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Jambomo ( Member #74853) posted at 11:58 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

I think that if you can go NC with her then you should. You can’t just become fuck buddies with her if you have feelings for her still, that’s just lying to yourself.

It sounds as though she is fundamentally dishonest, that her flat mate thought you were only just exclusive suggests that is what she has told him, she sounds as though she has you both on strings. As has been said, she’ll never be a person you can trust or look to for a relationship, the stuff about having kids etc is just future-faking, she’s knows it won’t happen but is saying what she thinks you want to hear.

Don’t underestimate the heartache of having lots of D-Days (what we call discovery days) when you find out about another lie she has told. It’s often the lying that hurts more than the actual sex because this is someone who is meant to respect and care enough not to hurt you, but will constantly. Telling yourself it’s casual or doesn’t matter won’t work because you feel the pain anyway. Go NC and move on, it’s the way forward to get less pain in the long run..

posts: 240   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Scotland
id 8611241
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Freeme ( Member #31946) posted at 12:42 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

You need to go NC with her. It sounds like she has a lot of fuck buddies but tries to get them to believe they are "the one." She's leading on a lot of guys... This woman is going to be a lot of trouble going forward. Leave her alone before she gets pregnate or you end up with an STD. Find someone that is worthy of your love and trust.

posts: 2801   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8611243
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Please move on, don't be her safe landing spot. You deserve better. She wants to play the field while keeping you waiting on the wings.

Be done

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 714   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8611246
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 1:53 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Run

Don’t look back

Don’t make eye contact

Just run 🏃‍♂️

One day at a time.

Run

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8611251
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Dignitas ( Member #75678) posted at 3:04 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

There is literally not one single good reason to be with this woman or to communicate with her at all. You're scared you can't do better. Find your spine. Block her. Move on with your life.

posts: 76   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2020
id 8611256
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 3:50 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Maybe you are confusing this drama with love. Or maybe you think you are in love and you will change her.

You are not her knight in shining armor. You cannot “fix” her.

Only she can fix herself. And it doesn’t seem like she wants to.

Please don’t confuse this emotional roller coaster with love. I have experience with this type of situation. A person who loves you will never do this to you. They won’t lie, cheat, disrespect, expose you to STDs etc.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8611258
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BigNoob ( Member #75807) posted at 4:26 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

This is why a majority of the people do not continue to sleep with WW or cheating xGF because they start to get "confused". I think many guys/girls here would kill to have so many warnings signs before marriage.

She cheated on her xBF and also cheated on you that's all you need to know. Go NC for your health

posts: 207   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2020
id 8611263
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GoldenR ( Member #54778) posted at 9:39 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

In response to every one of your questions...

Why do you care? She's a serial cheater.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 10:47 AM, November 22nd (Sunday)]

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Aug. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: South Texas
id 8611281
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KatieKat ( Member #16690) posted at 5:28 PM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

You made bad choices. Let her go and make better ones.

one of the lucky ones

posts: 272   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2007
id 8611343
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 Maxinulm (original poster New Member #75893) posted at 9:50 AM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Move on. She’s never going to be a safe partner for you. Doesn’t sound like she’s capable of being a safe partner for anyone.

You can tell yourself it’s only for sex now but she’s only going to hold you back from finding someone worthy of your time.

Peace.

Thats exactly what my mum told me. But yeah, you are right

It sounds as though she is fundamentally dishonest, that her flat mate thought you were only just exclusive suggests that is what she has told him, she sounds as though she has you both on strings. As has been said, she’ll never be a person you can trust or look to for a relationship, the stuff about having kids etc is just future-faking, she’s knows it won’t happen but is saying what she thinks you want to hear.

Don’t underestimate the heartache of having lots of D-Days (what we call discovery days) when you find out about another lie she has told. It’s often the lying that hurts more than the actual sex because this is someone who is meant to respect and care enough not to hurt you, but will constantly. Telling yourself it’s casual or doesn’t matter won’t work because you feel the pain anyway. Go NC and move on, it’s the way forward to get less pain in the long run..

Yes, the dishonesty and lies are what hurts most. Trickle truth, denial...

Whats also strange: Now she wants to move out of the appartment she lives in with her flatmate. Even has another appartment already. I didnt want her to move in with me

What i heard and what she told me, she needs male attention because of a non available father. And women often only get that by flirting and having sex. But hey, i really cant fix deep rooted issues like that.

I have another girl i had sex with once since the breakup. Will make sure she will be available for lonely lockdown-evenings and cut ties with my EX. I never did stuff like that and normally hate it, when i hear other people do that. But hey, she deserves it....

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2020
id 8611470
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fooled13years ( Member #49028) posted at 5:47 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Whether she is an X or not I know this hurts.

Because she is an X treat her the way you would treat her if she were a complete stranger.

Be nice but do not offer her anything personal from your life.

Move on and have a great life.

I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.

posts: 1042   ·   registered: Aug. 18th, 2015
id 8611562
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Westway ( Member #71747) posted at 6:01 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

I'm not wanting to be an ass, but I will anyways... Seriously friend, you are 34 years old and you are pining for a 25 y.o. sloot? C'mon man. See her for what she is. She's trash brother. Lying, cheating, promiscuous trash. I would bet you money you don't know of a third of the guys she has slept with since you broke up with her.

You would be better off single and alone, rubbing one out every night, than attaching yourself to a bimbo like this girl. Get your head together and start acting your age.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8611565
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HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 9:16 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Dude, this girlfriend of yours is nothing more than a FWB w/ all the other guys she knows. She is not worth being a GF, or to have any long term relationship with.

If you want, keep her around as a FWB, but nothing more. Move on with your life man. YOu are young and you can find another GF. Why mess with your life. Look at all the misery around these parts and ask yourself if you want to be back around here telling the same story when you're married or have kids with her. DO YOU?

posts: 1142   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8611651
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Junior ( Member #22589) posted at 11:47 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Please, do yourself a favor and go full no contact with this human dumpster fire. Block her on all your social media, your phone and never check her social media, text or call her.

With her ever increasing notch count you also run the risk of getting a STD from this walking petri dish.

She's already pretty well out of your life, now focus on getting her out of your head.

Please, I'm begging you (and I don't beg for anything!) for your own sake.

[This message edited by Junior at 5:53 PM, November 23rd (Monday)]

posts: 198   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2009   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 8611705
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newlife03 ( Member #56527) posted at 8:17 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

Ditto what everyone else has said. This little girl isn't into you the way you deserve to be. Cut her loose and move on.

Now, as for this:

I have another girl i had sex with once since the breakup. Will make sure she will be available for lonely lockdown-evenings

...what does this mean, exactly? You're making sure the other girl is only for lonely nights? Does she know you're not serious? Don't make the same mistake your ex did.

Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: ID
id 8611897
Topic is Sleeping.
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