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DS and a two-week road trip...W W Y D?

Pages: 1 · 2

HappyTree posted 10/16/2020 12:27 PM

My children are not allowed to be around sex offenders. Especially child sex offenders. So that would be a hell no for me.

wildbananas posted 10/16/2020 13:44 PM

My children are not allowed to be around sex offenders. Especially child sex offenders. So that would be a hell no for me.

Replying again to this thread again to say this. I do think there are people who committed crimes who can be rehabilitated and lead good, moral lives.

Sex offenders are NOT in that group of people for me. As far as I'm concerned, that's a one strike and you're out, especially where kids are concerned.

Wiserallthetime posted 10/16/2020 15:19 PM

My children are not allowed to be around sex offenders. Especially child sex offenders. So that would be a hell no for me.

That's pretty easy to write, and fairly easy to do, in many circumstances. However, when you deal with a family such as lillies has to, where there is deep denial and no penalties given to an offender in the family, no boundaries exercised to protect anyone at all, and that you are required to hand your child over to the one in that family that is the other parent or you potentially face penalties in court for not doing so, it becomes a great deal more complicated.

Not on the same level, of course, but xwh here had a family of smokers and there was deep denial regarding any negative result from such, whether it was that the house needed more frequent painting inside or that father-in-law died of lung cancer; somehow, they, everyone in the family, including non-smokers, came up with other explanations, no matter how clear it was the smoking was the cause. I even faced strong resentment from xwh's sibling that I had decided my kids would not be going to that house, due to the smoking, in order to protect their health, despite the irony of that resentment being revealed when father-in-law died of lung cancer. I am very glad my kids were much older when the D went down, so I didn't have to worry about that anymore (they could make their own choices there); and, I feel for lillies and wish I had some helpful advice to give.

Catwoman posted 10/16/2020 16:09 PM

My issue: they will all be traveling and sleeping in a camper together. Asshat, his girlfriend (theyíve never married, donít know if theyíre still engaged), her son, their two kids, DS, the pedophilic mother and the nephew.

It's going to take a crowbar and a can opener to get 8 people in a camper. That does NOT sound like fun AT ALL. And I share your concerns about him having close contact with that woman.

DS doesn't want to go. Period. He has his reasons, certainly, and they're valid.

Let him take you to court over this (he won't).


thebighurt posted 10/16/2020 20:46 PM

Hi lilies! Great to know you and DS are doing well, but how did he get to be 10??!!

In regard to that trip. I agree with the others that: 1) he should not he allowed/forced to go especially when he really doesn't want to go, 2) that a convicted sex offender should be registered and that should preclude her going on a two-week trip with children, even family, and 3) something I haven't read here yet, that if he went and, God forbid, an incident happened involving any of the children, I know how awful you would feel, but could YOU somehow be in any legal situation for knowingly allowing him to be in the company of the known pedifile (even his father's family)?

I'm sorry to raise this but it may be an angle to explore with your attorney. (I am a bit paranoid sometimes and I've been told I think too much ) Anyway, glad to see you but sorry AH has put you and DS in yet another impossible situation.

josiep posted 10/20/2020 03:34 AM

I think thatís the same 2 weeks that heís been invited to attend oceanographic camp near my house.

homewrecked2011 posted 10/20/2020 07:22 AM

I guess you could refrain from answering, or at the last minute change it to a ďNoĒ, and like Catwoman said, he wonít take you to court over it, or by the time there is a hearing the trip is done.

I do remember an SI member whose children were flown to Hawaii without her knowledge while at visitation with their Dad, so lillies xh could do something like this.

Anyway, as I posted earlier I got out of having to let my kids go on a trip with xh and the OW (who was involved in a murder in 1997) because they didnít request the summer weeks in writing by May 1 as required in our D agreement. Maybe lillies has an out like this.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:24 AM, October 20th (Tuesday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 10/20/2020 07:26 AM

...also I think the terms of Probation and subsequent life of convicted and released child molesters cannot be around minor children without the consent of a parent. Lillies xh is the childís parent.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:27 AM, October 20th (Tuesday)]

EvenKeel posted 10/20/2020 08:07 AM

Hey Lilies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So nice to see you!

The only semi-related stipulation within the divorce decree on this is that Asshat will not leave DS unsupervised with any sex offenders in his family
Isn't is sad that things like this need to be addressed/said in a decree!!

I am with the others, I think this speaks volumes without all the other issues in that scenario.

....DS doesnít even want to go

I am with the others, tell him 'No' and see what he says/does. I don't think I would even tell him that DS doesn't even want to go, because he would then put the pressure on your DS.

Cooley2here posted 10/20/2020 09:54 AM

If she was convicted and spent time in jail sheís a felon. There are restrictions having to do with felons and even more so having to do with people convicted of sex offenses. Is she on the sex offenderís list? There must be some way you can legally stop this trip. First things first, talk to your lawyer. This might involve a court case, sadly, but you must protect that child.

shakentocore posted 10/21/2020 19:37 PM

I would not allow DS to go in 10 million years. Your spidey senses are on high alert for a reason. I would also suggest that DSís lack of interest in the trip could be due to an instinct he has about the trip not being fun - whether thatís because he will be stuck caring for his siblings or because he will be in a bad situation with grandma.

DS has reached grannyís target age. Predators can be very sly and manipulative. Itís not something a cell phone can help him navigate - by the time he texts you it may be too late. Plus, if you feel you canít put your foot down now, how are you going to justify taking DS away? Allowing him on the trip is like saying ďI donít believe DS is in danger.Ē

Not that you need to ďput your foot down....Ē you can say youíll give it done thought, ask for an itinerary, etc.....basically do whatever works (hoping that everyone will be broke by next summer) while you plan a strategy with your lawyer.

But no - my child would not travel with a pedophile. I would not take that chance.

Catwoman posted 10/22/2020 08:32 AM

I think what is unclear here, from a legal standpoint, is whether or not any of these jokers was accused or found guilty of child molestation/child endangerment.

If the grandmother was NOT charged and found guilty, this COULD be an uphill battle because there is no independent third party evidence that she shouldn't be around children. There is only "family history" and if the ex-husband wanted to challenge it (I doubt he would), he might win.

Since the lad doesn't want to go (and I don't blame him), I would leave it at that. I doubt his father is going to challenge this.


lilies21 posted 10/22/2020 16:42 PM

Thank you all for the feedback! I'm not letting DS go. You all confirmed the decision for me and proved no rational person would expect their child to go on such a trip. I'm still waiting for my lawyer to get back with me regarding any possible legal repercussions but even DS's counselor says no. She said if DS would go, I should let him know the basic facts ahead of time about his "grandmother". But it's a no. DS also told me that he would be sharing one of the bunkbeds with Asshat's nephew...who is being raised by Asshat's mother. Another no. I hate that my mind goes there but if she's done something to that child (my heart so goes out to this boy), I don't want him sharing the same bed as my son in case he may...act out.

I think thatís the same 2 weeks that heís been invited to attend oceanographic camp near my house

Sounds great .

ETA: yes, Asshat's mother was convicted, I have the printout from our state's court site, but she's no longer listed on the sex offender registry.

[This message edited by lilies21 at 4:44 PM, October 22nd (Thursday)]

Cooley2here posted 10/26/2020 19:57 PM

Every state is different so Iím not sure how your court systems work but this is how ours work. Criminal court is to prove a crime. Juvenile court, that deals with child protective services, is there for risk to a child. Itís in front of a judge and there is no guilty or not guilty plea. The judge decides if the child is at risk in or his/her current situation then the situation must change. Iím sure you donít want this involved in another court decision but speak to your attorney about how you can put some fences around to ensure your son is not at risk. Please understand Iím not trying to alarm you but I have worked in the system and been in court many times and I can tell you for every time you hear about a child predator there are hundreds that you donít know about.

josiep posted 10/28/2020 11:33 AM

I think thatís the same 2 weeks that heís been invited to attend oceanographic camp near my house

Sounds great .

You can PM me the dates of the trip and I'll find a camp here for the same time and you'll have the perfect excuse. And then come here and we'll just beach it everyday and maybe hit Disney if the virus has been tamed by then. I remember when you brought him to FLA last time and we weren't able to work out a get together but we can try again. There are a couple other posters near me so we can have an outdoor BBQ.

Williesmom posted 11/5/2020 12:12 PM

Oh Hell No.

Your Number One priority is protecting your kid.

They sound like a whole mess - avoid that at all costs.

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