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Newest Member: Goku06

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 5:43 AM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

While cheating isn't in the DSM, many behaviors of the cheater are listed as symptomology.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1320   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8724811
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:46 AM on Friday, March 25th, 2022

Ummmm, what is DSM?

I am feeling a bit stirred up.

I have been in a thread where men are commenting on what someone’s wife should or should not wear. Since when is this a fashion advice site? How is this even relevant? And where does it state that a woman must dress conservatively. We women can wear whatever the heck we want. I tried 3 times to put a note in the thread but I couldn’t be nice.

And, yep, I am bugged. So bugged. When the word "the" is used in front of "wife", that is flat out degrading. My husband did that one time. He was instantly referred to as my first husband. And look - it came true.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:41 AM, Friday, March 25th]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8725592
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 2:51 AM on Friday, March 25th, 2022

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It's used in the mental health field and lists criteria for meeting mental health diagnosis.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1320   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8725593
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:10 AM on Friday, March 25th, 2022

I would have NEVER guessed. Thank you!

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8725595
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 12:40 PM on Friday, March 25th, 2022

Tall girl

My wh puts up a stink of I wear a black bra and black underwear out grocery shopping....all the Bras I have are black thats my
Preference and I bought mixed colour underwear packages, black in the mix.

While I do think that it's not appropriate for a married woman to venture out on a girl's night knowing that she's putting herself into a position to be hit on, what a person wears shouldn't matter. It's how that married woman handles the situation.

If she doesn't put a halt to advances or removes her wedding ring she obviously isn't protecting the marriage.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24669   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8725688
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:46 PM on Friday, March 25th, 2022

Dragn I agree it is the behaviour that is what needs to change, not the clothes.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8725934
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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 6:44 PM on Sunday, March 27th, 2022

I cringed at that thread too Tallgirl. The menfolk deciding what the wife can wear, where she can go, etc.

It's not the majority but I see some real BS old school chauvinism sometimes. It's sometimes subtle but clear that some ideas on women, their roles, their sexuality and their worth are so old and ingrained, good men don't even realize how patronizing and out dated they sound.

posts: 247   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8726227
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:05 AM on Thursday, March 31st, 2022

I was watching " say yes to the dress" and there is a Shewanda on the show. Isn’t that the name of the person EllieKmas met on the phone that was so inspiring?

Who knows it could be her!!!!!

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8726972
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:08 AM on Thursday, March 31st, 2022

TG that's close, but it was Rashawnda - may the universe always smile upon her and her awesomeness!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3561   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8726973
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:29 AM on Friday, April 1st, 2022

Aww…. Still good though. It made me smile. 🥳❤️ sad

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8727202
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 2:43 AM on Saturday, April 2nd, 2022

I have to admit that I am an "appropriate" dresser. I dress for the occasion.

However I have never felt comfortable wearing anything revealing.

I especially hated trashy things disguised as lingerie. STBXH often bought me crap that I felt terribly uncomfortable wearing even in the privacy of the bedroom.

The exAP was a trashy dresser. I’ve seen photos. WH complained that he was embarrassed going out with her, as she dressed in Rags. Bits of fabric trying to be clothing.

The last time they caught up, behind her new man’s back, WH confirmed that again she dressed in dirty rags.

Well the dirty rags is what turned him on in the first place… now her new sucker can admire her dirty rag dress sense.

Women can look and dress however they want to portray themselves.

Sexy doesn’t have to be trashy.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8727529
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 4:28 AM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

Ladies I have a question.

Did anyone else's wh shave their nether regions during their affair(s)?

That's one flaming red flag for me since wh has always shaved when he's had an affair.

And he knows that's its a red flag because I noticed him changing facing away from me all of a sudden. I wish he had been as diligent cleaning up the shaving mess as he was about me not seeing.... rolleyes

And I got confirmation wh and ap used condoms. Wh was brilliant enough to bring home the little garbage bag of used Condoms and paper towels. barf

I didn't think there was much more he could shock me with but that shocked me.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24669   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8727715
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:34 AM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

Dragn your wh is just not right. Like seriously. He hides shaved bits but doesn't clean up the shaving mess? I was gonna say is he stupid... But we know the answer to that one. Oooof. And the condoms, just wow.

He's such an ass.

I just don't see how you can possibly expect yourself to heal with him there when he has no regard for you at all except for what he wants from you. And you need the space to heal because you've been stuck in this toxic two-step with him for far too long. I hope that some resolution happens soon and you can get some space and peace. You deserve that.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3561   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8727722
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 1:08 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

No, my XWH didn't shave down there but he did do a lot of porn. He said guys shave down there because it can make their junk look larger.

One of the things I wish I never knew.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1320   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8727740
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 1:23 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

He said guys shave down there because it can make their junk look larger.

That made me LOL

I thought it was for easier, quicker clean up.

Definitely doesn't do much for size.

I guess this isn't the norm then. I know ws will change personal grooming habits when in an A. There were so many things I saw, I wish I had spied sooner. grin

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24669   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8727744
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:50 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

Dragn

Everything EllieKmas said.

My xh hid his junk from me when he was committed to her. It is all pretty f’ed up.

Talk about red flags being ignored. (By me)

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:18 PM, Sunday, April 3rd]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8727770
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 4:52 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

I am so broken today.

I read wh last post about still having feelings for AP.

I mean that's evident by how he was upset that I text her and seemed to he protecting her (and himself) but to actually read that.

Just. Broke. Me.

I need to get locked out of that forum.

Actually I just need him locked out of the house.

He was pissed I didn't make him a coffee when I got mine and was "confused" why I was pissed off.

He walked right into the bedroom as i was getting dressed and I told him off. I asked him for the truth. He kept his feelings for her to himself and only cares about himself. I screamed that he can't love 2 woman so he obviously loves just her if he's ok with hurting me.

Of course he whines that thats why he doesn't post. Fuck!

He thinks I'm pushing him to AP when he wants her. I don't have to push at all.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24669   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8727784
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 6:21 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

I am sorry Dragn. I really am.

Your husband doesn’t seem capable of mature emotion. If he feels anything for her, it is those feelings of limerance. My husband told me that he was totally In Love with the AP. Even bought her an engagement ring. I often use the Same words. He broke me.

Look. You are incredibly strong. Smart. Determined. And you are worthy. Are you willing to be married to a serial cheater? Can you? Don’t you deserve a real chance at happiness? If you can’t go forward with him, separate and consider a divorce. And I mean, he no longer lives in the house. Start your healing. If it turns out he does change in time, and you both still love each other, you can get back together. But right now, He is NOT safe. He is a disaster.

He can change, but I am not sure he wants to or if it is just that he is too afraid. It is so much easier to blame the world than to look in the mirror. He has received a lot of sincere advice on that thread. He isn’t "hearing" any of it.

You can’t fix him.

He isn’t listening.

He thinks he is trying, but he is blaming the world.

He is ultimately selfish.

You deserve to heal. Move out of infidelity.

I think you have tried everything to save the marriage, is there anything left that you can do?


When my xwh moved out life calmed down, when he moved out west, life got calmer again. I am able to think. And heal. He isn’t here spinning me around.

I hate saying this to you, But I think it is for the best.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8727802
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 6:37 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

I'm getting the information about separating legally this week. Whatever help I can get im getting. Because mo I can't live like this anymore.

He needs to leave!

I want to text AP and tell her she can have him. Maybe she will convince him to go be with her. I think he really does want that.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24669   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8727811
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 8:20 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

I wouldn’t waste your time texting her. She isn’t worth your time at any level. Shame on her.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1978   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8727825
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