SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Don't send her anything from this site. This is your safe once. Don't share it with her.

For heavens sake read this from Hell Fire. You are NOT responsible for providing her reading material. She should be doing the heavy lifting which she is not.

Six days from loving boyfriend and afraid she cannot stop to a remorseful wife. Bull shit. Sorry.

The longer this goes on the more you need her to take a polygraph test from everything she is saying and doing. And i would also tell her it probably won't be her last since she herself stated that she doesn't know if she can stop.

i assume you will be interested in knowing if they get back in contact, right??

you really think now that you have indicated a possible divorce that she will tell you???? She told you she was in contact with him and she was fucking him while you were playing the pick me game. my guess is she will not be volunteering any information.

And if you think this OM isn;t going to take another run at her at some point, you are sadly mistaken. he has nothing to lose and it worked before.

I would say continue with the conversation with the kids this Saturday. That is a done deal. They need to know so your wife can't tell them, dad is being crazy and angry for no reason.

She will try to "shelter them(herself)" from this reality that she caused this.

You should also ask about the list, "So, what if on my list I want to be able to have affairs for 4 years like you did?" It will help her see your perspective. I know some WS on the Wayward page needed that kick in the butt.

Also, tell her she has until the end of the separation to win you back. You are taking your pink slip as a husband and leaving. If she wants to rehire you, she needs to pay you more, not ask you to work harder and weekends.

I agree with still telling the kids on Sat. Though I would change that mommy fell in love with POSOM. Instead, you should tell the kids that mommy and daddy made promises when we got married. To love each other and to forgo all others.

Well mommy broke her promises and has found another man. I refuse to share my wife with another man. Hence we will be separating. If by some chance she shows me that she is truly sorry and remorsful for her killing our marriage. Begins to do the tough work of helping me heal from her repeated intentional choices to step outside our marriage, I may offer her the gift of reconciliation. But it's up to her to prove to me that she can be a safe partner for me to open up to her again. I will not be someone's second choice. Her actions have shown great disrespect to me, her husband and us our family by making repeated conscious decisions to engage with POSOM.

Then let the kids vent. You will have some hard questions, high emotions to deal with. Repeat to the kids that they had nothing to do with mom and dad issues. They are and will be loved by both of you.

As for your WW saying all she wanted is to have you and the children together is a farse at best. She knew the potential dangers and still made decision after decision to engage with POSOM. And she is making conditions on your R, reconciliation. She is delusional. You hood the cards now. R is up to you. She needs to prove to you that she is a candidate for R. Right now she is failing miserably.

Holy shit that note was a bucket of selfish nonsense!

Those things she listed were marriage problems she's try to act like fucking Mr. Casino was the result of poor dietary choices or something.

The problem is her. She is what needs to change and get better.

***

Do not under any circumstances walk into the trap of seeing her counselor.

I'll bet you that you'll find a counselor who is simply acting as your wife's advocate and defense attorney, "she did it because she felt empty inside/alone/ugly/helpless/needed to take control", while pressuring you to "give her another chance", "don't destroy the life you've built", "try for the children" and so on.

Fuck that noise. She did it because she wanted to. She had no respect for you.

Fuck her lists. Whatever you decide, she needs to treat you with the respect you deserve.

The affair more than !likely is not over. It is very common for the WS to break no contact, especially when they can not give up the OM.

Take the talk of suicide seriously. Call her I C and let the IC know. What if your kids are in the car and she gets the urge again.

More than likely your wife did not go through a bad part of her life and have an affair.

She went through the bad part of er life to have an affair.

The problem you face as we sees the affair and OM as saving her life and getting through the tuff times. He is a life saver to her even though he is the cause of this.

It is imperative that you tell the kids and tell them it is due to her having a boyfriend. It will help end the affair's good feelings.

She is able to lie, blame and manipulate you, that will not work with the kids.

So I had a conversation with her last night. She said that she was willing to do whatever it took. She said that it would be hard, that she's dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but she knows I'm dealing with worse. So we talked and at points she was reluctant to answer, but she did anyway. She was embarrassed and ashamed. It was a long conversation and we didn't cover everything.

I do tend to believer her that she didn't sleep with him on the day she says she broke up with him (she had previously, obviously). She said she would get an STD test. The thing is as we were talking I realized that she's held back and repressed so much for so long. It's not necessarily this guy. I think I came to a realization. She's got nothing to lose with this guy - so she can be as sexually open with him as she wants. With me, however, I'm always doing the work and she shuts down. She'll want to try something but be vague about it. If I don't do it the way she wants, she shuts down - gets frustrated/cries. It's been like this since way before this guy. It's always been me trying new things, shooting in the dark - I've always been chasing. I think that is part of what led to the problems in the 2000's. I had health issues and also self esteem issues from that time.

When I got those fixed we were much better. She pushes that time away though - I have to remind her. I think that's related to the fog though. At that time our physical relationship had gotten much better - but it was all on my end. I was making the effort.

So the conversation was pretty brutal and eye opening. Apart from the douche we had some issues to work on - mainly communication issues. I honestly don't know if we could have fixed those. From my perspective I'm up for whatever and willing to work. She views me as a 'good guy' though - another reason I think it's easier to do what she wants with this other dude - she knows he's a shit bag. I was thinking about it, what they've done together isn't any different than what they did in High School - when they had a 'normal' relationship. At least that's what I've gleaned from what she's told me. That said, he didn't make her happy back then, so I'm thinking it's the transgressive nature of the affair.

Whatever the case, she's taken a huge dump on any chance for her and I to fix whatever relationship issues we have. I think I would have been willing to work on the issues without the dump, but now I'm really not feeling it. Maybe it's how I am this morning or whatever. I deserve better. I deserve someone who is willing to work - and she isn't. She has worked on some of her issues, for a little bit, but they come back. I'm talking about all sorts of things, like being hyper-critical with regard to my (or other people's) driving. She shuts down at the drop of a hat. It's exhausting. I think she needs major psychological help.

The question is, am I willing to put myself up on a cross for someone who is still primarily only concerned with their needs? I told her last night that outside of the beginning of our relationship, I've always felt that it's been me chasing her - not the reverse. I think her upbringing did damage that she never addressed.

I don't know where I am at the moment. I told her I didn't think this was going to work. I still don't. It's the morning, I'm a bit down, but I have some hope. I'm still not completely settled on what to tell the children or how to approach this. It's like, I feel like my best move is to just see how to amicably break up.

If that's the case, do I bother with monitoring her phones and such? She said she'd give them to me last night, after she was done talking to her Aunt (which she legitimately was), but after thinking things through I was just like never mind, I don't think it matters. That's because that's where I'm at. Should I enforce it, on the off chance I change my mind? I really don't know what to do.

I opened up a checking account. I had a savings account at the same bank (nothing really in it). I'm going to have to find that card - I've lost it somehow. In the morning, when I get to work, I'll just report it lost.

I'm also going to contact my mortgage company. If one of us can refinance, pull out some equity for the other one, and take over the mortgage I think that would be a good solution. Right now I'm thinking I want her to have the townhouse because there's a shit-ton of memories here that I don't think I want to deal with on the daily.

I've been typing up a preliminary separation agreement. Trying to hit all the big things. I don't know what the future holds but I'm hoping this is all amicable. The biggest question, I think, will be custody of the kids - how to split it 50/50.

I'm thinking one week with her, one week with me. She doesn't like that idea. I don't really like the various 2 days with her, 2 days with me plans. So we will have to work through that.

Ultimately I feel down and I feel like this is going to be very hard. I also have some optimism about the end. So there's that.

[This message edited by TheLostOne2020 at 7:41 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

For R to happen, every advice you will get here revolves around trust. The marriage is the car and trust is the fuel. No trust, no marriage.

If you were to consider R, and she’s willing to do anything, she would have to take actions to build trust... not for a week or month, but for the rest of your life. Stuff that normal couples don’t do.

If you choose to D, it doesn’t have to be hostile, you can do it amicably. After you recover from D, you will date again and there will be a low chance (say 25%) that you get another cheater. You will be less trusting in the future. "Once burned twice shy". It is what it is, no point crying over it.

But the good news is that the choice is yours. R or D are the less bad options. Staying in infidelity is the worst option.

What specifically was it that led you to feel like it is hopeless?

When reading your post, I was getting the impression that you were leaning towards R until you summarized 'the dump'.

Oh, and one more thing.

She is full of shit about the affair not being physical.

[This message edited by farsidejunky at 7:00 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

She tells me she loves me & that she wants to grow old with me, but she cares about him too. She loves him, but knows it won’t go anywhere & that it’s the thrill, the rush, and the attention she wants. He’s been threatening to expose their secret to force her hand because he wants to be with her & feels that there’s no possible way that I’d stay with her.

I found out my wife has been having a year & a half long affair with her high school boyfriend.

I do tend to believer her that she didn't sleep with him. She said she would get an STD test.

It’s a physical affair. Get the full truth now or you’ll regret it later if you choose to try R.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:12 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

Okay so this is a new development. As I'm editing the post I posed at 5:56, my wife comes in to talk. She's never up this early. I literally cannot remember the last time that she's been up since before 7am. Needless to say she was startled. She wanted to talk to me about the text I sent her last night where I said stuff to the effect that while I appreciated that she was finally being open an honest with me (eh, at least that's what she's trying to project), that she's finally asking me for what I need and all that, that the reality was that while I'm not perfect, I've been putting far too much energy into our relationship chasing after her (even sans douchebag) and she hasn't done the same for me. That she isn't upfront and honest with what she wants/needs. That I think that we had some serious relationship issues prior to the dump she created by cheating. I said that it's not going to work. That was essentially my text.

Anyway, she comes in to talk and I was like, okay, I have to finish this up. I do and then we go to the kitchen. She's crying, saying she didn't understand what I meant by the text. So I explain it to her. Essentially the same stuff I said above, but with a lot of concrete examples. Basically it boiled down to her never making me feel like a priority or desired. We talked about a lot of things. I told her repeatedly that she just doesn't consider me and that I'm not important - her needs outweighed mine, at every step of the way.

Throughout the whole exchange she was saying that she didn't deserve me that she's desperately afraid that I'll leave her, but she knows that's what she deserves. She said she has no expectation that I would put anything into it. She also said that she wants to try that it's worth it to try, she thinks, and that she needs to go to individual therapy and she feels like we need to go to marriage counseling to do our best to see if it would work. She said that she has no expectations of the future. I'm leaving a lot of stuff out because it was a heavy conversation and I don't generally want to type up all the stuff that she's said because it's too much. The overwhelming bulk was how she'd ruined our relationship.

Also, for those keeping tally, I her family knows - sisters too. Our children know something is wrong, and I plan on telling them tomorrow. This is the biggest struggle right now - deciding what exactly to say. I don't want them to hate her but I cannot ignore that this is a result of what she did. Outside of that, my parents don't know. I'm not really close to them anymore. I just feel like if I said something to them at this point it would just be so draining. I'd have to get emotional with them and I just don't want to do that right now - not while I still live in the house. Once the dust settles I'll say something.

We ended with her asking for a simple list of things she could do to make me feel safe. I said that I'd get her something, but I also said to her, with everything that's been done - how can you assure me that you didn't sleep with him the other day or that you won't lie to me about it? I said that I want her to think about that, don't answer right now. She said okay.

But I sit here thinking, why bother with this? Just so the next few months are more peaceful while I figure out my options? Could I ever trust her again? What if I'm putting in all the work, and she's not? It's a fucking waste.

So I feel a bit low right now - a bit empty - but I also feel better about the future. I don't really have any hope of reconciliation at this point, she really hasn't done much of anything to repair this. Maybe that would take time, I don't know. All I know is that I'm feeling more distant from her and that makes me feel better. More clear, if that makes sense. I have less of a sense of hopelessness with the more information I get. So I'm going to call up my mortgage company and find out about refinancing. I think that would make me feel better.

The thing I'm realizing is that I don't want to live like how it is or how it was. I also have no justification for assuming it would be any better in the future. Granted pain, trauma, and all that can lead to significant change - if both people want it. But she's had such a hard time pushing herself and I can't do that anymore. I know that I can change. I can make my life better. Right now that doesn't include her because she hasn't shown me anything. Of course I'm on the roller coaster so what do I know, right?

LostOne

Yeah your post is a bit confusing but I think I get the gist of it.

First of all, for 18 months seeing this guy how can she say that they never were physical? And how can you say you believe that. That is completely ridiculous. What guy, especially a Douchebag like him, would put up with her for 18 months without touching her? That’s highly unlikely.

I would at least take her up on the offer of the electronics. Don’t give that up right away if she is willing to do it. Perhaps download Fonelab and run the software to recover old texts. See what they have been saying to each other. At the very least it can give you the reason to move on. Or at least a baseline of where your starting point is if you Choose to move on.

If it were me, I’d tell her that we should create the official separation agreement and start the clock on D. But that during that time, if she works on herself and her issues with her own therapist who specializes with infidelity cases, that you can see where this goes.

Tell her that MC needs to be put off until she does that work.

Then tell her that if she’s still in contact with the OM then she is with him and not you and you will simply be working on ending the marriage during the separation period.

Tell her she needs to work on her desire for him and until that is gone and she sees him for what he truly is, you and she will never be together.

Finally, I understand how you feel. You are pretty sure you don’t want to be with the person who is in front of you right now. And you don’t have to be. But if I understand it right, you have to be married to her for another year before you can D.

So tell her you are giving her a chance to figure out what is wrong with her and become someone who you can feel safe with again in a relationship. There are a LOT of steps to make that happen. I think I sent you via PM my list of things that are necessary for a WS to do in order to rebuild. We can discuss those if you like and talk about which you might want to share with her.

If she can do that, then you can let her know you’d be willing to discuss what it will take to make BOTH of you happy in that relationship. But right now, who she is, and with what she has done, you cannot agree to do that work.

And if she doesn’t want to change, then she can go be happy with a douchebag who treats her like shit and just wants her for her body parts.

Take care.

For R to happen, every advice you will get here revolves around trust. The marriage is the car and trust is the fuel. No trust, no marriage.

Yup, very true. Right now there is no trust - right now the car is on the side of the road and I'm hitch-hiking away.

If you were to consider R, and she’s willing to do anything, she would have to take actions to build trust... not for a week or month, but for the rest of your life. Stuff that normal couples don’t do.

Yes, I'm very aware of that. I have faith in myself that I could do that - but none in her at this point. So that just leads me to believe that reconciliation will just be painful for me. I've already been through Hell, why do I want to stay?

If you choose to D, it doesn’t have to be hostile, you can do it amicably. After you recover from D, you will date again and there will be a low chance (say 25%) that you get another cheater. You will be less trusting in the future. "Once burned twice shy". It is what it is, no point crying over it.

I'm not thinking about dating, but I am thinking of an amicable divorce.

But the good news is that the choice is yours. R or D are the less bad options. Staying in infidelity is the worst option.

I think I'm waking up to that. It's a question of what do I want to do? If we did reconcile, I'd have to believe that she was willing to do anything and right now I just don't believe that. Could that change? I guess - this whole thing has been a roller coaster and I'm not predicting shit anymore. I'm seeing what I see and doing what I have to.

What specifically was it that led you to feel like it is hopeless?

I'm sorry, but with regard to what? Reconciliation? If so it's because I'm not convinced she's going to do the work she needs to do. She hasn't led me to believe that. If you mean with regard to escaping the situation? I think it's because of the enormity of the task in front of me. The good thing is that the more I learn, the more I do, the better I feel that this isn't hopeless. Does that make sense?

When reading your post, I was getting the impression that you were leaning towards R until you summarized 'the dump'.

Yeah I think that may be accurate. I had a turning point the other day I think. The 'dump' last night and this morning is awakening me to the fact that I put forth so much more effort. She tried to deny that. I think she was thinking I was arguing that I was an angel, perfect, or whatever - but I told her that was very much not the case. I have my faults and I take responsibility for them. The affair that she launched into our relationship is not my fault.

She said one other thing that I forgot to mention. She said that when she initially started talking to the Douchebag she didn't think it was a problem because she just needed to talk to someone with no real problems. Four people she cared about had died all close to each other and everyone close to her was wrapped up in that pain. She wasn't making excuses per say, but she was trying to explain why she just wanted to talk to him. Because he said things she wanted to hear and he wasn't going through any pain. That doesn't excuse shit, in my opinion, and is not justification for her to continue to talk to him after I found out. I told her she's consistently ignored my suffering throughout the last four years. I'm not going to accept that. I deserve better. She got sad, cried a bit, and said I know.

Oh, and one more thing.

She is full of shit about the affair not being physical.

I'm not sure what you are referring to, it was physical - she admits it and has told me about it.

Ps I sent the above before seeing your latest post. So I will read that and comment.

She’s in self protection mode right now. You know her better than us.

How long would that last?

I also said to her, with everything that's been done - how can you assure me that you didn't sleep with him the other day or that you won't lie to me about it? I said that I want her to think about that, don't answer right now. She said okay.

Bud, all you did was give her some time to rationalize this.

Why?

It’s a physical affair. Get the full truth now or you’ll regret it later if you choose to try R.

Marz, maybe I wasn't clear - it was physical - for a year and a half. What I was referring to in your quote was her 'break up' face to face. I tend to believe her but it's more of a trust and verify thing - and she hasn't verified it. She isn't good at lying to me face to face - she's good at omitting the truth. That might not be a distinction for some people and shit, I might be deluding myself, but right now I'm not really holding out hope for her to change her behavior anyway.

Yeah your post is a bit confusing but I think I get the gist of it.

First of all, for 18 months seeing this guy how can she say that they never were physical? And how can you say you believe that. That is completely ridiculous. What guy, especially a Douchebag like him, would put up with her for 18 months without touching her? That’s highly unlikely.

When I said they weren't physical, I meant only on January 7th or whenever it was. They were physical and she told me about it in detail. Can you point me to the post so that I can clear this up? I was monumentally unclear since you are thinking I meant they weren't physical during the 18 months. I just meant during that break up face to face meeting, which all I'm willing to say is I lean towards believing her because she has a shit poker face. She generally lies by omission, so if I ask her straight out then it's obvious when she's lying.

I would at least take her up on the offer of the electronics. Don’t give that up right away if she is willing to do it. Perhaps download Fonelab and run the software to recover old texts. See what they have been saying to each other. At the very least it can give you the reason to move on. Or at least a baseline of where your starting point is if you Choose to move on.

Okay that sounds good.

If it were me, I’d tell her that we should create the official separation agreement and start the clock on D. But that during that time, if she works on herself and her issues with her own therapist who specializes with infidelity cases, that you can see where this goes.

Tell her that MC needs to be put off until she does that work.

Sounds reasonable. I do have this idea that if we can find a marriage counselor then I can get some stuff off my chest without her getting defensive and shut down. That would be her typical MO, but she wasn't doing that this morning or last night - but could that last? Probably not.

Then tell her that if she’s still in contact with the OM then she is with him and not you and you will simply be working on ending the marriage during the separation period.

Tell her she needs to work on her desire for him and until that is gone and she sees him for what he truly is, you and she will never be together.

This is good - I've said things like this, but not as clearly.

Finally, I understand how you feel. You are pretty sure you don’t want to be with the person who is in front of you right now. And you don’t have to be. But if I understand it right, you have to be married to her for another year before you can D.

Yes, exactly. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to physically separate.

So tell her you are giving her a chance to figure out what is wrong with her and become someone who you can feel safe with again in a relationship. There are a LOT of steps to make that happen. I think I sent you via PM my list of things that are necessary for a WS to do in order to rebuild. We can discuss those if you like and talk about which you might want to share with her.

This makes me a bit queasy, and maybe it's just my emotions for today - I don't know if I want to give her a chance, to actually articulate that to her. I would rather take things day by day and if I see something and still feel like working on it, then maybe I'll act on that. I don't know.

If she can do that, then you can let her know you’d be willing to discuss what it will take to make BOTH of you happy in that relationship. But right now, who she is, and with what she has done, you cannot agree to do that work.

And if she doesn’t want to change, then she can go be happy with a douchebag who treats her like shit and just wants her for her body parts.

Yup, exactly.

Take care.

Thank you man, you've been supremely helpful. If I believed in Heaven people like you would be there.

She’s in self protection mode right now. You know her better than us.

How long would that last?

I dunno, the bigger question is do I care either way?

Bud, all you did was give her some time to rationalize this.

Why?

Huh? I'm not sure I follow - I was asking her how she can prove to me that she didn't sleep with him. I told her to think about it.

I updated one of the posts where I think I might have implied that she claimed to not have slept with him during the 18 months (or whatever). She most certainly has never denied sleeping with him when I've asked her about it.

She's not good at lying to my face when I ask direct questions. The problem is that she's good at just not mentioning shit.

Eh, but she's not the person I thought I knew, so I could be wrong about the former too.

Has your wife read any book on what to do after an affair? There are a few good one out there - if she’s interested.

If you read my tag line my H’s 2nd Affair was devastating. First was strict you an EA. Second was EA turned PA. He wanted a D and kept telling me for six months he wanted out. Then change his mind. Then change his mind again. I was like a yo-yo.

Until dday2 and I learned he was cheating the whole time and I thought we were reconciling. I finally decided I was no longer in limbo and living in hell. I told him to leave and I was divorcing him. He left me no choice. I was executing my plan B and he no longer had any say in my life.

He was blindsided. He never expected me to stand up to him. He loved the attention and two women fighting over him. That ego boost was the thing he needed.

Until I quit his game.

He immediately begged for another chance. I said no. He started doing everything he could to make amends. I mean serious action was taken. It took six months before I felt myself change to be honest. But he hung in there even though there was no guarantee from me I would not divorce him.

It’s been six years. We survived it. We are happy. I am shocked we did survive this and I’m happy that my H has made permanent changes and recognizes the mistakes he made.

Your wife has been given an opportunity to reconcile. IMO she is foolish for not grabbing the bull by the horns and doing everything possible. But it’s her choice. And it’s hard to watch someone you love make the wrong choices but you cannot live in a one sided marriage either.

I lasted six months in limbo and false reconciliation before I decided it was him or me - and I chose me. I have no regrets on any decision I made b/c if we had divorced I would know I gave it 💯% best effort to make it work.

Two points - don’t linger in limbo for too long. It’s bad enough you know you are there but staying there is akin to living in hell. Second point is that despite the odds people who want to change can and do. It takes work and determination but your W has to choose to want to commit to the marriage AND dig deep to make amends. Not just one day but every day. She has to find the strength and grit in her - no one can do it for her.

I hope this helps you.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:54 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

Ok, so now I read all your posts. Sorry about that.

And sorry for the confusion on the physical aspect. I just think your wording was vague.

Anyway, like I said, you have this legal requirement for a year separation.

I think you should tell her you want to start the clock on that now. That if she truly does love you like she says and not want to lose you, she will not give you a hard time in initiating the legal separation and actually work with you on it.

Then I see no harm in telling her that if she wants a chance to rebuild what she destroyed, it starts with getting into therapy with her own counselor. Tell her to research it today and call around and find one who specializes in Infidelity. Tell her they must specialize in infidelity and she needs to show you that they do. And you can even tell her you want to briefly meet with the IC at her first or second session. Or at least talk to them on the phone.

Honestly LostOne, you should do the same for you. I think you will need that support over the next year. Please consider doing that. I think you will find it very helpful.

Then I will tell her that after a month of at least 4 sessions of IC you guys can sit down and discuss if you should start MC.

As I said, you have this forced 1yr separation, you might as well use it for some good. But you won’t make the decision on MC right now.

Finally I would stress to her that rebuilding starts with NC - NO CONTACT - and she has to prove NC every day. That you understand that you know she still thinks fondly of the POSOM and you still haven’t heard her say one negative thing about him or aren’t even close to making you feel that she loves you more than him, but re-stress that she has no chance with you, today, tomorrow, next month or at the end of separation, if she still needs that guy in her life.

If she is in contact with him, she is still having an affair and therefore still destroying her marriage.

So take her up on her offer of transparency. Tell her you want her to prove to you that she has blocked him every way they have communicated. Not just unfriend him in FB, but block him. Block texts in her phone. Shut him out every way possible.

Let her know that if she can’t do that then you have little more to discuss.

I think the advice you have gotten here from me and all the other experienced posters the last 10 days has shown you that you have much more leverage, that your options become much more wide open to you, when you take a strong stance and state exactly what you want and need.

So there is no need to stop that now. Honestly there is no need to stop that ever. You can only feel safe giving when you feel that you are getting, so it’s probably best to make that your mantra.

I want to tell you something. I would do anything g for my wife. And if there were a friend that made her feel uncomfortable that person would be removed from my life. I can say that without hesitation because I know that she would absolutely do the same for me.

But if that were not the case, if she started to hang out with unsavory men, and not seem to care how it hurt me, I’d tell her exactly what I need to stay in the relationship, and start to move on until I saw and heard it.

It’s simple to say, yet hard to start doing, I know. But it’s being honest. Honesty and communication are the most important things in a relationship. And it’s the same when that relationship is falling apart. Even more so.

So keep it up. You are doing well. You will find happiness on this path one way or another.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:30 AM, January 10th (Friday)]