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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:56 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Ellie - Fuck Feelings is a favorite of mine.

Also:

Peter was too passive

Ellie may have seen Peter Pan...I just saw limp

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8470061
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 7:34 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Ellie I’ve started reading “I need your love - is that true?” By Byron Katie. It’s about self approval and loving yourself. I’m only two chapters in but it’s got interesting ways to rethink old thought patterns.

This book may not pertain to you. I found “mr unavailable and the fall back girl” by nat lue- who also has an extensive blog - opened my eyes to me blindly trusting and recognizing red flags that I ignored. She also has a book about developing self worth which is great - but I can’t find it to tell you title.

Ok ladies ... here’s a question... do I confront peter about being passive? He’s got great qualities- I do enjoy his company. This is my personal issue - I don’t ask or confront and instead dump.

I really hate this self growth shit. Means being responsible.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8470079
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:39 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Lostheart8 - oversimplified - if he's not what you are looking for in a partner, it may be time to cut bait - at least on the relationship front.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8470083
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 7:59 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

do I confront peter about being passive?

Nope. That's just jumping right back into the "fix" mode. Not your job to fix. He isn't your BF and you aren't in a relationship (no getting too attached remember?) And IME passive people don't get un-passive cus you say something, it just makes them more passive.

Nope it and next it.

#WWRD

I will look into those books you suggested. Ugh adulting. This bullshit is not what I signed up for and I would like to have a word with the manager!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8470101
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 8:00 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Ok ladies ... here’s a question... do I confront peter about being passive? He’s got great qualities- I do enjoy his company.

You let peter be peter. Is he truly passive, or is he what you see as overly accommodating.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8470103
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:01 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Ellie said it better than I.

WWRD. And I guarantee that finger would be moving.

ETA- I'm making up nursery rhymes in my head and I can't stop. "Passive Peter went to town..."

[This message edited by Chaos at 2:02 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8470104
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

LH, I agree with everyone else. Pass on passive Peter. I guess if he asks why you don't want to see him anymore, you could tell him.

Honestly, ladies, I don't care that my fch didn't come home. I'm not triggered at all. It comes with the territory. We've spent about half of our M apart because he's in the military. I used to not be able to go to bed when he wasn't here. Last night, I went to bed relatively early and was out as soon as I laid down.

In the past, I would've been pissed and called him to cuss him out. If he didn't answer, I would send a nasty text. This morning, I thought about it, and decided it didn't matter. I sent him a good morning text instead.

What does that mean? Does it mean I'm back to trusting him like I did before? Or, does it mean I truly don't care, I'm completely emotionally detached?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8470144
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 9:30 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

LH

Don’t confront Peter.

YOU find him to be too passive for you. But, an even more passive woman may find that quality attractive.

It just means he isn’t your type.

So save your energy for someone who IS your type

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8470176
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 11:11 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Northeast - that’s a great question. - good to ponder on that- or at least ask him?

5 dates and only one French kiss which was meh. Last date I got 4 pecks on the lips with a ton of cuddling. Either way this guy is not sexual or he’s waiting for me to make the moves, which I did on that one French kiss.

Not that I’m looking for sex, but at what point do things progress? Even a smudge?

I think everyone is right. Not a good match. Time to bond with my dog.

Oh joy, the pleasure of dating. No wonder WW pick low laying fruit. It’s too much work to pick good fruit.

Hell yeah, Ellie. Adulthood is overrated. Hell, I’m for self growth but geeze can someone cut us slack and let us binge on silly shit?

Ok....can’t remember who it is but you are decorating for Xmas. Going all out. You’re job, if you decide to take it, is to make up energetically for all of us grinches.

I did almost buy a Xmas mug, but bought chocolate instead. It was a close call.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8470251
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 11:17 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2019

Coco - have you ever thought of neutrality? That you’re not passive but neither triggered? In neutrality we act of clear mind, see things from all angles, we are in balance.

I think you're approaching it from a place that works for you. You found peace in it.

Congrats. I’m kinda of jealous. I hope one day to find your place of peace. ♥️

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8470256
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:45 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

OK can I just say this tho... being a meh or bad kisser is a def nope for me. NOOOOOOPE. IME, bad/mediocre kisser = bad/mediocre sex and HELL to the naw! Ain't nobody got time for that.

Passivity is also a nope. Mostly cus xshitbag was so passive until it came to all the A shit. Then he wanted to try being all "this is how it's gonna be".... Admittedly I floundered a bit after DDay until I found my feet and told him "that ain't never happenin with me motherfucker. I am not the one you want to try pulling that shit with". I believe I also may have told him that I know a fuck ton of places to hide a body and unlike him, I have friends that would come help me do it.

LH - You saw, you tried, nothing wrong with movin on down the road. If it isn't a fit, don't try to make it be one. The shoes are so cute, but 1/2 a size too small - but they would go perfect with this one outfit... We have all been there done that and all it causes is pain.

Coco, it does sound like you have found peace with it. Not a terrible place to be really tho.

And yeahno - I am #teamgrumpy remember? I do have xmas decorations but honestly just cant be bothered with it this year.

Chaos - I tried to take a pic and just could NOT get it to load right, but totally thought of you yesterday. Saw a mug with donuts all over it!! If I wasn't poor as fuck right now, I would mail it and hammer to you and let you work out some of that donut hostility

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8470286
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:26 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Coco - have you ever thought of neutrality? That you’re not passive but neither triggered? In neutrality we act of clear mind, see things from all angles, we are in balance.

Yes, I feel in balance in my life in general. I give a lot of the credit for that to my yoga practice. It has really helped me learn to stay focused on the present and have gratitude for what I do have in my life rather than focusing on what I don't have.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8470303
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:03 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Some days I can’t believe this is my life. And wonder how I got here.

That thread on do all men prefer whores and assholes triggered me.

Fuck.

My husband went to a whore. Paid her for three months. Fell in love. Gave her a ring. Talked about how to leave me. Get his money out. Five years. Who the fuck does that? Selfish SOBs, that’s who.

18 months of trying to get over this, figure shit out, I am fucking tired. Feeling like I am done. And even that doesn’t feel better.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8470329
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Passive Peter should go in the dictionary.

LH. You deserve to be desired. Passive Peter is just dumb.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8470330
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:09 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Hugs for you TG! I feel ya, that one and the women prefer assholes thread both make want to stick a fork in a light socket. I think I am just gonna avoid them until they die...

Take a breather and do something relaxing for yourself!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8470334
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:19 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Thx Ellie.

I am gonna go boot shopping tomorrow. Steel toed are likely. Do they come in sparkly?

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8470336
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:23 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Amazon dear - amazon. They have everything on there

Yeah, I really need to stop shopping my feelings...

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8470337
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 4:32 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Do they come in sparkly?

Take it from someone who rhinestones things for a living, you can make anything sparkly

But yeah, Amazon will have you covered :)

And yes those two threads are... special.

Some of the comments over there are so ridiculous they make Methhead McSexAddict sound like a rational, logical adult by comparison.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8470353
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 4:36 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

Peter was too passive

Passive Peter picked a peck of passive peppers...

Yeah Chaos, I think Passive Peter is a pretty great euphemism for a limp dick! PP shall be added to the dictionary! Not to be confused with PPS - Peter Pan Syndrome...

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8470355
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 11:59 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

HHADL... Whaaaaat? I could rhinestone things... And make MONEY at it? How does one do this??? Cus I'm an art major/raven in a past life working in accounting. My soul dies a little more each day. Sigh.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8470399
Topic is Sleeping.
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