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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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Brew3x ( member #72052) posted at 4:17 PM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

I was a blubbering mess 6 months out. My wayward dumped me for her AP. It was around Christmas. Initially she said she would be moving into his place, but as January turned into February turned into March/April, it became clear that she wasn't taking steps to move. Meanwhile, she was still seeing him, and I was pathetically doing the pick-me dance even while I was dating somebody new. My life was a train wreck.

Around May I finally got my shit together and moved out, moved on with life. Best decision I ever made. My only regret is not moving out sooner. Now, I encourage other BH's to not live the train wreck that I lived.

Fair enough I can respect that. I appreciate the honesty and solid advice. I feel like even though most A’s have a lot of similarities most marriages don’t. My W and I have been through a lot, I’m going to stay the course until the answer is clear to me.

I think part of the healing is not due to her absence but all the work I’m doing on myself. I’m furloughed so I have plenty of time for sleep, eating, exercise, meditating. Before covid my job was grinding me to the bone, so I was burnt on that end too.

posts: 236   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2019   ·   location: MA
id 8542267
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Loukas ( member #47354) posted at 9:57 AM on Friday, May 15th, 2020

I know things will never be as they were but if other people have reconciled there’s no reason we can’t.

I’m not here to convince you of divorce or reconciliation, brew, I’m sure you’ll figure out your path on your time. I just felt the need to point out that many people also divorced or stayed trapped in an eternal limbo, there’s no reason you and your wife can’t do either of those as well.

Just something to keep in mind. Reconciliation takes two people to be successful. Divorce only needs one. Limbo only requires both to do nothing at all.

Hopefully reconnecting will help you decide the next steps. Best of luck on your trip. It’s good to hear you’re getting back into your garden!

[This message edited by Loukas at 9:09 AM, May 15th (Friday)]

posts: 1759   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2015   ·   location: The school of hard knocks
id 8542559
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 10:50 PM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2020

Has anybody heard from Machiavellia84? M84, are you with us?

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8544345
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 9:24 PM on Tuesday, May 26th, 2020

Anyone else get your stimulus payment? I received a debit card today in both my name and my wife's. Who's supposed to sign it?

Nothing much else going on here. Hank the super-sized Beagle is doing well although the other night he escaped and terrorized the neighbors while howling at the moon. My right ear is going out on me and I have an appointment with an audiologist in June. Anything else new with you guys?

Where's my tumbleweed gif when I need it?

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8545947
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 9:57 PM on Tuesday, May 26th, 2020

TheLostOne, my XWW also tried to lay this on me. "We had so many good things in our marriage so we shouldn't throw that away." This was after I finally found out. I replied that apparently that didn't occur to her when she was screwing him, gaslighting me, lying to my face while looking me in the eye for 4 years. No come back from her.

My STBXWW said the same exact thing.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8545953
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 2:48 AM on Wednesday, May 27th, 2020

just a quick check-in. Been still spending a lot of time in the workshop, as well as building a fence for a friend and her boyfriend. Almost done with a maple and cherry nightstand, and added drawers to my mobile workbench/outfeed table/assembly table.

Fully assembled, pre-finish

After applying finish to sides and face

cedar fence before I add gates to it

cherry trimmed maple drawer face for nightstand

edge-glued redwood strip panels for drawer faces for my workbench. I did poorly on these... they work, but I'm halfway disgusted with them, lol

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8546009
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 12:04 AM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

Nice work as usual Incarnate. How are you doing? Are you still writing?

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8546284
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 4:03 AM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

Nice work as usual Incarnate. How are you doing? Are you still writing?

Not since November. I'm halfway terrified that my creative spark has died. I'm trying to coax myself back into it.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8546351
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 4:58 AM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

I doubt it has died, but certainly understandable you are in a slump. Once you get out of your shit storm and have some time to heal. That's when you can asses where you really are. Keep at it and we are here for you if you need to vent, etc.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8546366
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TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 3:16 PM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

Westway

My STBXWW said the same exact thing.

Yeah, after all the abuse and the callousness that my WW exhibited I'm just not trying to listen to her at all with regard to the affair. I'm trying to be done with that portion of my life and to move on. She's a different person to me at this point - a person I don't like at all.

D-Day 1: New Year's Day 2020
D-Day 2: Jan 21 2020
There was no D-Day 3.

6/12/2020: Moved out.

3/02/2021: Officially divorced.

I'm 42 and just starting to have the answers to the universe...

posts: 892   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2020   ·   location: NoVa
id 8546424
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 4:46 PM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

Yeah, after all the abuse and the callousness that my WW exhibited I'm just not trying to listen to her at all with regard to the affair. I'm trying to be done with that portion of my life and to move on. She's a different person to me at this point - a person I don't like at all.

My STBXWW has just gotten worse. I have it from good authority she is engaging in some very unhealthy and dangerous activities whenever I have my daughter staying over. It is really sickening. She couldn't even wait for the D to finalize before she started whoring herself. I'm heading straight into "hate" territory.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8546463
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 4:47 PM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

That is beautiful work Incarnate.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:47 AM, May 28th (Thursday)]

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8546464
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TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 5:11 PM on Thursday, May 28th, 2020

Westway

My STBXWW has just gotten worse. I have it from good authority she is engaging in some very unhealthy and dangerous activities whenever I have my daughter staying over. It is really sickening. She couldn't even wait for the D to finalize before she started whoring herself. I'm heading straight into "hate" territory.

Yikes. Yeah, I hope mine doesn't slip down that path. She needs to be stable for the kids.

D-Day 1: New Year's Day 2020
D-Day 2: Jan 21 2020
There was no D-Day 3.

6/12/2020: Moved out.

3/02/2021: Officially divorced.

I'm 42 and just starting to have the answers to the universe...

posts: 892   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2020   ·   location: NoVa
id 8546471
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 7:26 PM on Friday, May 29th, 2020

Great job on the woodwork, Incarnate! I understand about the creative block. Been going through that with my music. Just don't let it last too long, okay? The longer you wait, the harder it is to get restarted again.

Cheers, and happy Friday, gents!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8546889
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 10:23 PM on Tuesday, June 9th, 2020

That looks really great, Incarnate.

*****

Anybody a native speaker of Mandarin and willing to answer a few questions about usage that come out of a Chinese TV show (Judge Di RenJie #3) on Amazon Prime?

Thanks.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8549549
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 12:09 AM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

Incarnate, I really like the nightstand. The light and dark woods look really nice together.

I'm halfway terrified that my creative spark has died. I'm trying to coax myself back into it.

Been in the same boat for a while. I haven't picked up a camera in 6 months. I just can't seem to find anything that is exciting... What I do know, is that I can't force it. If I tried to force myself to take pictures, I'd wind up with some pretty poor pictures. It'll come back. Normally I'd take a seminar or something to try and excite me again, but you can't do that now.........

I think it's partly just the depressing times right now. I can't be creative when I'm feeling "down", and I'm struggling to find anything to be "up" about.

Plus, work's being a real bitch the last month. Upper management has one foot firmly in the "We're keeping the office closed and everyone is working remotely as much as possible" boat, and one foot firmly in the "we've delayed too many projects for way too long, they're all top priority now and do whatever is needed to get them done" boat. So I'm trying to compromise and have half my guys in one week, and half in the other week. I don't think it makes any of them "safer" but it's all I got...

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8549577
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DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 1:59 AM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

edge-glued redwood strip panels for drawer faces for my workbench. I did poorly on these... they work, but I'm halfway disgusted with them, lol

Wait! You are disgusted with having poorly finished drawers on your work bench. That made me laugh.

It reminds me of my friend who has a hard time I don't mind the dents in my jeep from off roading in it. It is supposed to be done poorly. Maybe even remanent wood.

BTW - If you want some juices for writing, life is always the best supplier. With all the craziness in the world, use it!

Good luck.

posts: 592   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8549598
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 3:41 AM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

Wait! You are disgusted with having poorly finished drawers on your work bench. That made me laugh.

It's mostly that i spend a lot of time out there, and so I spend a lot of time looking at them, and I see every little mistake I've made while making them, especially as I learn more and get better. I'm somewhat tempted to make a new set of panels, now that I have a better tool lineup and a better skillset, and replace those with ones that don't make me cringe when I look at them, lol

Used a router for the first time ever today, just a simple 1/4" roundover bit, and I spend some time dialing it in perfectly, so that it cuts an exact perfect corner, and omg, I found the tool I have been missing for the last forever. I've known that I've needed a router, but it didn't sink in exactly how badly I needed one until I used my mother's router to clean up a mistake I'd made with a hand planer.

Man. I don't think I can call my woodshop a woodshop until I own one myself.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8549614
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 3:44 AM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

In other news... I'm 10 days away from being celibate for a year. Maybe that shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but man, it does. I'm chatting with a lady from Tinder, we've exchanged phone numbers and we text sporadically throughout the day. She bought my most recent book and is reading it tonight, so hey, that's something. She's cute, but idk how I'm even supposed to date with this whole COVID shit going on. I'd like to meet her in person, maybe go for a walk on the beach or something, but how tf do you get there via online dating? Like, I'm confident in my communication skills face to face, because I can read a person like a book, but just over text, you really, really lose something.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8549616
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 6:26 AM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

I've been celibate for over a year myself. My exGF was trending more like my exWW so it was definitely time to get out of that relationship. There are a couple women who I could likely date if I was interested, but I'm not very trusting of women in general and the virus makes it a bit hard to see if I can get over that right now.

It's amazing what you can do with a router, but wait until you try its bigger, badder brother. May I introduce you to Mr Shaper. As a minimum make sure you get/build a good router table and then you need two routers. A big fixed base beast for the table and a smaller lighter plunge router for hand held work. A big router and well setup table is almost as good as a shaper. So much fun.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8549649
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