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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 11:01 PM on Monday, August 17th, 2020

So, do you see why I have too many books?

Need more? I still have my college textbooks, including my calc-based physics book. It comes complete with a pencil hole driven through half of it out of pure frustration. The first day of class, my professor said, "I want a show of hands. How many software people are here." I was one of two people to raise their hands. He said, "Okay. I'm not going to slow down the class for you guys." It was one of two B's I got during my degree. The rest were straight A's. I worked hard for that B.

I wish I had a huge telescope. Or any telescope. Those were taken with a 200mm lens, on a simple single-axis tracker. I HAVE been eying a a refractor telescope with a 450mm focal length made for astro photography, and a proper GEM mount with computerized controls so I don't have to hunt and search for targets that you can't see by eye. But apparently with everyone staying home and disruptions to the supply chain, there's been a run on astronomy items. Well, I guess "run" compared to their normal volumes. I don't think people are hoarding telescopes. But every place I looked for astro photography stuff was quoting 4-week lead times.

Very cool! I had no idea cameras were capable of that. Learn something new every day! Sounds like pricey equipment though.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8575454
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 8:41 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020

Need more?

No. I keep saying I am going to purge this house and get rid of 20 year old crap that hasn't seen the light of day since it went into a box.

including my calc-based physics book.

The one time I unquestioningly took my faculty advisor's advice, I ended up enrolled in "Statistics for non-majors". It wasn't until after the drop date that I realized why I was having such a hard time with the class. It assumed 3 semesters of calc, and I had had one. I struggled to learn two semesters of calc while trying to keep up with the class. I passed that class with a "C" by less than one point.

I had no idea cameras were capable of that.

Neither did I honestly. I started with this after trying with medium success to shoot pictures of the comet. After the first night I knew I needed some kind of equatorial mount for longer exposures and started researching. Found some simple, single-axis star trackers for about $300, and a website by an Canadian amateur astronomer (who takes beautiful pictures with some pretty sophisticated gear, not just DSLRs) along the lines of "you can take pictures like this with things you have around the house"

The secret is apparently getting lots of exposure time (those pictures were anywhere between 60 and 80 two-minute exposures, stacked), and then in post-processing, beat the hell out of your RAW image until it whimpers for mercy. The adjustments to the levels and curves I'm making would have got me kicked out of any normal photography workshop I have ever taken

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 2:46 PM, August 18th (Tuesday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8575820
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:49 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020

No. I keep saying I am going to purge this house and get rid of 20 year old crap that hasn't seen the light of day since it went into a box.

Same here, man!

The one time I unquestioningly took my faculty advisor's advice, I ended up enrolled in "Statistics for non-majors". It wasn't until after the drop date that I realized why I was having such a hard time with the class. It assumed 3 semesters of calc, and I had had one. I struggled to learn two semesters of calc while trying to keep up with the class. I passed that class with a "C" by less than one point.

Stats... I was not a big fan! Never know when you're going to need it though. I ended up being a statistical programmer for three years. Not the favorite part of my career, but hey, food on the table is food on the table.

Dang! I had no idea those types of images required that long of an exposure time. Fascinating! I can definitely see the need for some sort of mounting device. I can't seem to keep a steady hand for more than a second or two. I'd make a horrible surgeon. Definitely a cool hobby you've found there!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8575879
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:48 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020

Those are amazing photos, tbkjcn!

You know, it's great to have a hobby that you can engage in after work. When do you sleep, though?

*****

We have books we can't even read, since they are in Chinese, and we didn't keep up our abilities. We can't bring ourselves to sell them, and nobody even wants them as gifts because they've all been digitized.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8576133
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 4:10 AM on Friday, August 21st, 2020

Dang! I had no idea those types of images required that long of an exposure time.

I am but a grasshopper. I measure my total exposure time in tens of minutes. The guy I've been setting up next to is imaging on three scopes at a time most nights. Over multiple nights. He measures his exposures in hours. sometimes ten or more over multiple nights. Come to find out he's a former professor of astronomy with a Phd in planetary astronomy.

When do you sleep, though?

I've come to realize that most of this astronomy stuff seems to happen late at night. And I am having a hard time getting home from the observatory site (30 minute drive) at 2am, putting stuff up and getting to bed at 3am only to have the alarm clock go off at 6.

Typical session, arrive at 8pm-ish, set gear up at 8:30 before it gets too dark, start shooting target 1 from about 9-10. Search for target 2, finally find it about 10:30, shoot an hour till 11:30 or probably closer to midnight because I took extra time searching. Pack up, drive 30 minutes home. Get home about 1am, and instead of going to bed, I gotta see what's on the card and can't stop with just a quick look so now it's after 2.... finally tell myself I GOTTA go to bed.

So, in reality it's mostly a Friday night/Saturday night thing. Except when a really good night shows up midweek and I just can't pass it by.

But.... it's something I can do without being around too many people, everyone sets up their stuff fairly far apart naturally, just to not bother/be bothered by the next person. It gets me out taking pictures again, which I hadn't been doing this year.And it's the challenge of learning something new. So, I figured why not? I've got two vacations worth of money burning a hole in my pocket.....

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8576781
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 8:49 PM on Friday, August 28th, 2020

Things with my gf are progressing. I stay over at her place several times a week. She is head over heels for me. The only thing keeping her from telling me that she loves me is the fact that we had a conversation about how I am just not ready for that at this time. The sex is great, her kids love me, and I have no problems at all being exclusive. I still have a huge feeling of comfort and contentment whenever I am with her.

But I'm not in love with her. I don't know if it's something wrong with me or if I'm just not ready or if it's going to be something persistent, and the longer we go, the more it sits on me. It's a huge time expense being with her, one that I gladly pay, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't eating into my other obligations and priorities.

I'm not sure what to do, if anything. Any tips?

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8580351
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 12:56 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020

Well guys, it's that time of year again. Today is six years since I stumbled across SI after, in desperation, googling "my wife cheated, what do I do?", and 6 years and 5 days since I found I had reason to google a phrase I had never imagined needing to say. (It's also one year to the day since I had to let my little dog go. I find I miss her and her brother more than I miss my wife these days. They were both utterly faithful companions until their last day.)

The last three or so years, around this time I get a bit introspective, Think about where I am this year, how I got here, is there someplace I'd rather be. Reading my old thread and contemplating the pain... that kind of stuff. I spend a bit of time examining the scar where my life was ripped away from me.

Like last year, I find the pain is still there, but harder to find. I really have to try. Squint and let it show up in the corner of my vision. If I look straight at it, it's pretty hard to find. The scar is still there too, but it's about as faded as the scar I have from when I fell down the basement steps and impaled my leg on a table leg when I was 4 or 5. It's there, but you don't really notice it unless I draw attention to it.

"Time heals all wounds" -- maybe, maybe not, maybe I've just become accustomed to it, maybe this really is healing. Either way, the end result is the same.

Gents, in honor of my SI anniversary, the socially-distanced beers are on me tonight. Have one of whatever floats your boat on me.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 6:58 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8583132
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 4:07 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020

Salut, brother. I'm five days out from what would have been my 18th anniversary, and I'm one year and three weeks exactly (as of this minute, actually) from when I asked the question "Who was it?"

I'm going to have a drink, relax, eat a part of a gummy because I am a THC lightweight, and play video games. Tomorrow I'll spend the night at my girlfriend's house. I spent the day helping my kids through distance learning, and I spent the evening building nesting boxes for a chicken coop.

It'll get better. I just keep telling myself that.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8583184
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 12:48 PM on Friday, September 4th, 2020

But I'm not in love with her. I don't know if it's something wrong with me or if I'm just not ready or if it's going to be something persistent, and the longer we go, the more it sits on me.

Perhaps the issue resides in your concept of what "in love" looks like and feels like. Exclusive committed relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. "In love" isn't about butterflies and smarmy love songs and floating above the earth. It's about feeling like you're "home" when you're with her, a place you could see yourself repeatedly going home to for the future until the horizon you can see.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8583273
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 9:31 PM on Friday, September 4th, 2020

I'll lift a virtual glass with you, tbkjcn. I'm still on a weight losing path, so I'll avoid real calories....

I think processing pain is like the x% process - first you process, say, 90%. You're left with 10% of the initial pain. Then you process another 90%, and you're down to 1%. Then .01%, then .0001%. You can keep processing some out, but you can't get it all. Besides, life adds pain.

We may call them 'pets' but they are a hell of a lot more important than the term implies.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8583571
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Ascendant ( member #38303) posted at 3:49 AM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

Gentlemen(z).

How's everyone been?

posts: 5187   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2013   ·   location: North of Chicago, Illinois
id 8586158
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setecastronomy ( member #14398) posted at 5:37 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

So far, so good, Ascendant. Still hanging in there.

What's with the missing letters? Y and X?

posts: 1512   ·   registered: Apr. 27th, 2007
id 8586438
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 8:03 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

Hey Ascendant! Long time no see or hear. Hope things are great with you and the family up in Chi town!

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5786   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8586503
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 8:36 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

Mixed, Ascendant, but good on the whole.

I keep meaning to get in touch with you.... How are you?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8586521
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 1:44 AM on Saturday, September 12th, 2020

Mixed bag as always, but surviving. Fires haven't reached me yet. Hoping they won't, but this is the closest they've ever been.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8586637
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:45 AM on Saturday, September 12th, 2020

Incarnate, with all the fires in California how are you doing? Hope, like last year, the fires aren't close.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8586638
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:04 AM on Saturday, September 12th, 2020

Well, look at that. We cross posted, Incarnate. Glad to hear clear of fires so far. Hope it stays that way.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8586645
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 6:32 PM on Monday, September 28th, 2020

Mic check... anyone here? Hello.

Divorce is going to be final for me either 11/9 or 12/10.

Been a bit of a journey. Hope you guys are doing good.

Incarnate? You are usually a man of words (unlike me, look at my moniker). Where the fuck are you, and how you doin'?

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8592167
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 7:12 PM on Tuesday, September 29th, 2020

Congrats losfer on having a final date for it.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8592545
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 7:40 PM on Tuesday, September 29th, 2020

Thank you NTV. Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. Good to hear from you. How are you man?

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8592560
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