I was going to log on to comment on the "get laid" post but then this morning happened....
DS (9) was at Asshat's this past weekend. I picked DS up on Sunday night and I could tell something was bothering him but he didn't want to talk. He had a stomachache last night and still had it this morning, he was also extremely sleepy, so we took part of the day off school and work. He finally talked and apparently there's been a lot of fighting at Asshat's, mostly the girlfriend screaming at Asshat (about "things Dad does wrong."). DS said it's been happening a lot since Asshat moved back in with the girlfriend; she briefly kicked him out at the beginning of August but they made up in less than a week.
Recommended or not, I needed to know more to know what DS is dealing with at that place so DS and I had the following conversation:
Me: What do you do when it happens?
DS: I go to another room.
Me: How do you feel when it happens?
DS: Scared. I don't feel safe.
Me: Because of the yelling?
DS: Yes.
Me: You don't feel safe. What do you think will happen because of the fighting?
DS: That Dad will have to move out again.
Me: Do they hurt each other or anyone else?
DS: No.
Me: Do they break things?
DS: No. She just really screams at Dad.
I grew up in a violent, chaotic household and I know people don't have to hurt each other, hurt you, or break things for you to be scared and how badly it can traumatize a child. I don't minimize DS's feelings at all and I know how quickly those situations can escalate too.
That said, I really don't know how serious it is over there but I know my son and I know whatever has been happening has really affected him. I asked DS on a scale of 1-10, how scared it makes him when they fight. He said a six. I told him if it gets higher than six, if people start to break things or anyone gets hurt, he is absolutely to call me and/or 911. We practiced 911 calls this morning because DS knows to call if there is a fire, a medical emergency, a car accident, etc... but I never taught him to call 911 for something like this so I feel like a shit for not thinking ahead. I just made it simple:
Me: 911, what is your emergency?
DS (his own words): Grownups are fighting and I'm scared. The address is...".
I told him that it is not just for at his dad's but anywhere he goes, even at home; not that I ever have anyone over anyway but I felt telling him this would make it seem less...I don't know...less scary and more like just information. Remember to brush your teeth, change your underwear, here's when to dial 911....
So...did I do/say the right things? It feels like I did because he seemed much better after our conversation. His stomachache magically vanished and he looked forward to going to school. Counselor has been updated. Lawyer has been updated, just to document it really since I know her office will likely reply that it could have been a minor argument over socks left on the floor that DS took to mean more than it actually was. Is there any way I should be addressing this with Asshat (aka: the brick wall)? Other advice? Thanks, everyone.
[This message edited by lilies21 at 3:55 PM, September 30th (Monday)]