I partied to excess in college. I once woke up in bed with a woman. Both of us were naked and limbs entangled. Open condom pack on the floor. But both of us had been so wasted the night before, neither of us knew whether we had actually had sex.
In today's world, you are a rapist. She is a victim.
Can you really imagine any judge or jury convicting either party?
Sure there are false accusations by women, but how many men take the position, 'If you didn't report it to police, it wasn't rape.' How many people think it's OK to lie about minor problems if the major one is unproven - not wrong, just unproven?
Do you think Jameis Winston isn't a rapist because the police so blatantly fucked up the 'investigation'?
In the past week we've heard that 1000s of women have come forward to share experiences of being assaulted without reporting to police. What proportion are lying?
We know for certain that complaints of harassment and assault were lodged against powerful men and ignored - and now we know the reports were true. We know charge after charge against priests were suppressed - and turned out to be true. We know charges against a former **deleted-political** were ignored - and turned out to be true.
I have a lot of sympathy for people who are falsely accused, but I think it's a MUCH smaller problem than ignoring credible charges against people with economic and/or political power, and that's a MUCH smaller problem than a culture which teaches girls to shut up about being violated.
A man is accused of doing a terrible thing. It's impossible to know if he actually did it, but in the investigation he lied about a lot of little things. He attacked the people who question him. But in the end, you have to give him a pass on the big thing.
Consider a different man under the same circumstances. He denies the big thing, but says that he was not an exemplary guy through such and such a time, but after that time he's done his best to make up for his transgressions, and he can back that up with evidence.
Which of those 2 men would you want to rely on?
That sounds like a horrible experience, or a lot of horrible experiences. Maybe our problem is that we've created a culture in which we're all taught to shut up and let ourselves be violated.
I wasn't a player in HS or college. Maybe that's because it was before the sexual revolution and pre-Pill. Maybe the girls I liked were simply too smart to risk pregnancy outside of a relationship. Maybe it was because so many girls were victims of CSA, and I just didn't know how to handle that.
I always wanted a full sexual partner, someone who moved with me, and I thought getting over on a girl was the opposite of that.
I missed out on a lot of sex because of my attitude. In college I thought my thinking made me weak. Later I just came to accept that I wanted sex in relationships, even though that cut down on my pre-M opportunities.
Having read this thread, now I think I was right - mindless sex wouldn't have been worth much to me. I definitely made the right choices for me.
[This message edited by sisoon at 3:06 PM, October 5th (Friday)]