How do you handle Christmas?
For those in the middle of D who have kids, or who have already been through and out the other side, how do you handle Christmas? Do you ever jointly see the children on holidays?
I ask because STBXWW has been saying she wants to come over early Christmas morning and be there when the kids (5 and 6) wake up so she can be there for them.
Personally I find this not only difficult for me (since she left me and the house for OM) but confusing for the kids, who won’t know what to expect of Mom being there in the morning and playing house. However… the kids would likely enjoy seeing her and STBXWW will say I should "do it for the kids." So I’m not sure which route is best.
What’s everyone else do?
28 comments posted: Monday, December 11th, 2023
Missing the physical stuff
Hope this isn’t too weird or blunt a topic, and I am also a BH. BW may handle this differently or feel differently. But I find myself really struggling with the idea of being so physically lonely for this whole D process (I’m near the beginning), and missing WWs physical touch. Yknow. I’ll be blunt, sex.
I miss her. Straight up miss her in a lot of ways, and I miss the bedroom fun, and after 17 years we knew each other well. Now through this D process she gets to have her fun with AP while I’m the one with integrity, being celibate while I’m an emotional wreck trying to move on.
How’s everybody else handle this? Just sit in a dark room and be grumpy? Look at old pictures of WS and "reminisce?" Say screw it and decide it’s fine to not wait until D is complete?
9 comments posted: Monday, November 6th, 2023
Divorce blindsiding me. In shock. Need wisdom.
Can’t believe I’m posting in the divorce forum after so long… years. I have a long history, but after multiple D Days I thought I’d reached recovery. Nope.
Serial cheater WW wants a divorce, and after claiming she was just unhappy, finally admitted she’d been "talking" to an old friend for 2 weeks. I found all this out earlier tonight, and am angry and heartbroken.
I’m not dumb. Dumb for staying and working through multiple affairs, maybe, but despite her insistence this is not an affair I’m 100% certain this it is—the only question is whether or not it’s physical/sexting/just emotional for now.
But does it really matter? Probably not. We are divorcing. I can’t take another recovery, and am already spiraling through the old feelings I’ve already been through multiple times. We have 2 kids, 6 and 5. She had a very successful business a few years ago that she let collapse, and aside from a 3-4 year stint of wild success, I’ve made most of the money the last 17 years. She currently makes none.
Of course she wants this to be amicable (and I do too) for the kids’ sake. If I get a lawyer, I have no doubt she will too, and I know these things can get ugly quickly, especially because I am so angry and hurt. She doesn’t want me taking her through the mud. Obviously. I feel like if I do ANY of the things she deserves, it will wreck any chance at this ending well for me. I don’t think I can be a single parent, and worry about basic things like getting the kids to school if I have partial custody. I also know WA state courts are absolutely brutal on men…even though she’s cheated a ton of times (which I have documented proof of) and I’ve been faithful. I also know I have faults—I can be too negative or pessimistic. Stubborn. Not good at romance. But I’ve tried damn hard and have had her friends and family tell me how lucky she is to have me, despite everything.
I don’t know what to do. I’m angry, debating whether to go sleuth and find out exactly how deep this affair went, but I also just feel a sense of pity for her, and like I should just let it end amicably and spend the rest of my life protecting my kids from the fallout from their mother’s horrendous choices.
I really am lost. And crushed. And scared. I don’t know what to do next, and it’s after 1 am… I can’t sleep. Ugh. I hate this.
101 comments posted: Monday, October 30th, 2023
I guess I’m now ThriceWounded
It’s been a long time. Years. I put in so much work. So did WW.
She just said she wants a divorce. That she’s been unhappy for a while. And truthfully I knew she had been unhappy—the last year she bounced all over the place with her career, wanting a baby, wanting a puppy, wanting to move across the country. I tried to stay stable and let her find what was going to make her happy while she was undergoing a mid life crisis.
Turns out, you can never trust a serial cheater. I feel *really* stupid for trying to make this work for so many years, finally letting my guard down, only to find out… she wants a divorce. And she’s focusing on how she was unhappy, but after pressing, revealed she’s been talking to some other man for 2 weeks and insists it’s just been commiserating about their relationships.
Look, I know—I used to be an expert. More has *always* happened than a wayward reveals. I’m rusty, but not totally naive. I know more happened, just not sure how much. I don’t know if I need to know. Part of me wants to dig in and find out. Part of me thinks it doesn’t matter.
Divorce is happening. She has decided, and I am not going to make this work again, so if she changed her mind I’d insist we go through with it.
We have 2 kids, 6 and 5. I don’t feel capable of being a single parent. I mourn for what they are going to go through. I’m scared. I’m scared to be alone, scared my job (already on the rocks) will fall apart. I’m terrified of the future, honestly. We need to co-parent well. I’m not putting my kids through the hell I went through. She wants just to mediate and make it quick—I need time to think. She wants me not to rake her through the mud. If I don’t keep it amicable, I know courts in WA are absolutely brutal on dads, even dads who have been faithful and loving in the face of a serial cheater.
I’m an absolute wreck. Can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do and can’t believe this is happening again.
12 comments posted: Monday, October 30th, 2023
