How would you define a "rape culture?"
OK, I'll take a run at it. You want to know what a rape culture looks like; take a look at men's prison. "Don't drop the soap".. We all laugh. Except do you know what that means? Let me promise you, as someone who's seen it with my own eyes, it's not pretty. It's a man with teeth missing, beaten beyond recognition with his ass bleeding and a bunch of guards standing there laughing. That's a rape culture, where it's a joke, trivialized and used as punishment for "offenders". And accepted as "just" by society, nobody gives a single shit about the men being raped over and over again in prison, even when there's goddamn video of it, dozens of witnesses including sworn officers and enough physical evidence to fill the courtroom with documents.
Still, I bet my left nut that at least one man with whom I've been close friends is guilty of sexual assault, if not more.
If you're defining it as it's currently defined, I agree with you. I'm guilty of it, I've had sex with drunk women before, likely who were too drunk to affirmatively consent. Now, let's be clear, they said yes and enthusiastically participated, but, because they were likely too drunk, that was rape. In fact, in several instances, I'm pretty sure I was both the perp and victim at the same time, because I had sex when I was too drunk to consent.
If you're defining it as a man using force to overpower a woman and forcibly having sex with her, I doubt you know anyone. I don't. And if I did, I'd immediately remove them from my circle of friends because that's so "no cool" that if I thought I could get it to stick, I'd report it to police and have him charged.
I was horrified 20 years ago when the daughter of a friend was taught in college that she had to keep her hand over her drinks to prevent someone dumping a roofy in there.
It ain't women using roofies. And it ain't men getting castrated or even going on trial, much less getting convicted, for using roofies. Roofy victims, I guess, get our thoughts and prayers - but it's not rape. In my day, candy was thought to be dandy, but liquor quicker. That wasn't rape, either.
So, this is where we get into the gray area. I went to school during that time. And yes, there were roofies. No, I never saw anyone "put something in someone's drink", EVER. If I did, I would have knocked them out. And I think that anyone in my circle would have done the same. What I did see is a bunch of guys and girls taking those pills for fun. And then having sex. Same thing with booze. I never saw a single guy hold a girl down and make her drink. Again, if I had, ass whipping would have ensued. I saw a lot of girls get fall down drunk, hang all over a guy, grab his crotch and ask to go to his room. All the time, like damn near every weekend I saw this happen, and yes, I participated and had it happen to me too.
So, what is it, are we just absolving women of any personal responsibility here? If you get drunk, you make bad decisions, including going to bed with people you don't find attractive. If you take drugs, you also make bad decisions. Is it only men who are responsible for those bad decisions? Can we make DUI a "male only" crime too, because, obviously, women aren't responsible for stupid crap they do after drinking, that's only for men?
I know, this isn't going to be popular, but, I believe very strongly in personal responsibility. I went to bed with some really unattractive women in college that I NEVER would have slept with if I wasn't drunk off my ass. Did they all rape me? Or was I just a drunken asshole who made piss poor decisions under the influence of a drug that I willingly took? And if we're going to call that rape, what if one of those women were now sitting for a high level position and I crawled out and told my story about them getting me drunk and raping me? Would that go over well? Would all you guys support me in that? Because, I can tell you, I've got at least a dozen women I could make this claim legitimately against, I did a lot of drinking and a lot of bad decision making in college.