I rarely drink alcohol anymore, but I will join with a virgin daiquiri!
"It's family, you should have told me".. . really, I'm your wife and you didn't tell me who you were fucking and you had five years to tell me.
You tell him Tallgirl!
I wish I was able to live in the present like that. Instead I just ruminate and trigger and want to throw something at my WH. Then I cry and feel disconnected from myself, my kids, my life and the world. Infidelity sucks.
TX, I feel you, PISD is so real! It's sad to me how "triggered" has become such a buzz word in the past few years, and very frequently used negatively or in a mocking way to indicate that someone is over reacting to something. If only they had to experience it, they wouldn't be laughing!
Some events of note today
1. I went on Facebook for the first time in a long time. Forgot that I'm still following XH's poetry page, and up popped one of his recent posts.
His writing has always been... let me find a nice way to say this... not great? He mixes tenses as well as metaphors. Every stanza is one giant run-on sentence. He has about 10 words that he chronically overuses because he thinks they make him sound intelligent. Along with a slew of others that he misuses and refuses to admit to misusing despite being confronted with the definitions.
Despite all that, I tried so hard to be supportive. I read them all, and always told him how proud I was of him for consistently putting his work out there - how much courage it takes to do that, and how I could never do the same. I helped him edit. I would even email him photos that I thought he would like, as he puts his poems into text on top of photos to make them into graphics.
In months past, that pop up would have really thrown me for a loop. I would have been emotional, wondering if he was thinking about me, what the poem meant, if it was about her etc. Today, I saw it and thought, "Wow, I'm so happy we aren't together anymore so I don't have to pretend to understand this, or worse, pretend to like it." I can laugh at his inability to grasp basic concepts like punctuation, and not feel bad about it. I felt... relieved.
Is this, indifference? I have to admit, it feels strange. But also, like I can finally take a deep breath.
2. Older step daughter had her car broken into yesterday. Even though she was two blocks away from her dad's house, she called me, not him. I of course went into mom mode and helped her calm down, then went through the check list of what needed to be handled - cancel debit card, check. Order a new driver's license, check. Call body shops re: window replacement, check. I was proud, as before she called me she had already handled the first two, she just needed help figuring out what to do about the window.
We then made plans to have dinner - me, her, and her boyfriend - tomorrow night after I finish work. So I will be toasting while sharing a meal with my lovely daughter! (and her tolerable boyfriend )
I have to admit, after my initial reaction to the poem, I went even further and kind of had one of those moments with the angel and devil on opposite shoulders. Angel said - maybe the OW is good for him. Maybe she really likes his poetry. Maybe she shares the same misconceptions about grammar, syntax, and meanings of words, so to her, his poetry actually IS good. And maybe he deserves someone who will actually like his poetry, instead of having to grit her teeth through it.
Devil countered - OR maybe this is her punishment - doomed to a lifetime of reading horrible poetry and fighting the urge to cringe, but knowing she has to grin and bear it, or otherwise be yelled at. And his punishment is being with a woman who is so weak, such a "yes" person, that she will never challenge him, or encourage him to improve. So he will go through life thinking that his poetry is hot shit, when in reality it makes her want to puncture her own ear drums rather than hear him read it again. Meanwhile she's so passive, she'll be forced to endure it.
Ok, ok... I'm not as far along the road to indifference as I would like to think. But I'll toast to the (slight) progress!
[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 11:52 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]