burn, yes that certainly sounds like a classic Asperger's response, "I'M not doing anything....." rather than putting his head into the phone, and trying to imagine, just for a second, what YOU might be going through at home, with the betrayal history, and then not hearing from him!
Good grief, where were these guys when they were handing out the emotional intelligence.....that's a rhetorical question....but OMG after you go through the dance steps this many times, and they never seem to get it.....sigh........
I forgot that your WH may have had a formal diagnosis of ASD? If so, what - if any - therapy was recommended? All the treatments for this I have found online emphasize teaching children on the spectrum some of the "social skills" they lack. (To me, the Asperger's problem goes deeper than the eumphemism "social skills building," which I consider as meaning common manners. My WH has very good manners. He just cannot "see" my perspective in his mind, at all.)
What worries me is that in the ASD research I read, the measured effectiveness of even intense childhood ASD therapies was not considered "robust." In other words, kids' improvement was not that pronounced, after such therapies.
Well, it is good that you say your WH doesn't drink! That was also part of my WH's "road trip pattern." At home, he rarely had anything to drink, but with the guys, after a long hard day, he would have a drink (or 2, no more) to "knock himself out." Hence, he would "forget" to call home. A couple times, when he did call, I could hear the alcohol in his voice, he sounded a little drunk....
But the big thing seems to be, when working, the ASD (I think my WH is, too) gets even more tuned out than normal to the partner at home. It's like they can just put us in a box, until they want to take us out again.....🙁
Question for all (Long Sigh? 🙂: if an Aspergers (now part of ASD) high-functioning individual arrived at adulthood without childhood intervention for "social skills building," will they ever really be able to "see" another person's point of view, before they blurt out their self-referent responses to every question or comment? I have asked people on SI before, and gotten fairly mixed responses. Wish I knew the answer, for both of us! Because so much of this behavior overlaps with other abnormal personalities, and after EI betrayal....we want to know what is going on.
burn, I think you will have to get used to telling him the specific, concrete things you expect from him, sorry.